Page 3 | Would you think I'm weird? Swimming

ItGhoul · 15/03/2025 22:06

I wouldn’t think it was weird at all. I’d just assume your child liked to do her own thing and didn’t need constant attention. If your child was constantly shouting ‘Mummy, Mummy, look at me’ and you were ignoring her, I might judge. But a happy kid splashing about independently and confidently while a parent looked on and watched from the corner? Absolutely fine.

Pigriver · 15/03/2025 22:21

Nope, not at all. I don't even get fully in. I sit on the side and chuck dive toys or give directions. If I get in he just demands to be carried on my back and doesn't actually swim. I wish I could sit on the bench fully clothed rather than on the side in my cossie but hey ho!

bettydavieseyes · 15/03/2025 22:24

My DD is autistic. I can't even talk to her in the pool otherwise I'll overwhelm her, she's completely in her element in Water and wants to be in her own world. She's really busy. One day I spent the whole session standing in the shallow end while she stimmed (hand flapped) and stared at the divider rope bobbing up and down in the water. 40 mins of just that. She loved it..God I was bored!

I can't care what people make of me and my parenting. I don't have a choice so it's not worth wondering how people think. I mean that genuinally. Going to the pool is a big effort, she's 10 and I have to still dress and undress her while she stands there like a manikin and she's still in nappies. Then she goes her buggy. She's basically a giant baby. Who can understand this except another similar parent.

So no, I wouldn't judge you. I don't judge anything except actual abuse. I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, just keeping her safe and as happy as possible.

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/03/2025 22:45

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 20:24

❤️ maybe i could try doing some lengths rather than just standing in the corner 😭😭

That's amazing, she sounds so confident already x

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Ex lifeguard here. I’m not sure if you mean it lightheartedly but just in case - please don’t do lengths. Children under 8 are supposed to be closely supervised in the pool, especially if they are weak swimmers. I have rescued children in swimming lessons who can swim a bit. It only takes a couple of seconds.

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 15/03/2025 22:56

Get yourself a noodle and do some noodle exercises while you're watching her. You won't feel so much like you're standing in a corner but you won't be any further away.

Your little girl might even want to join in.

WearyAuldWumman · 15/03/2025 22:59

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 16:42

I've started taking my autistic dd (almost 6) swimming again. She LOVES it 😭 bless her

But when we go, she hates playing with me.

The only thing she'd let me do was to lift her up onto the side so she could jump in. But she's figured this out herself now

I get in the pool with her and just kind of stand in the corner of the pool, supervising

Other parents play with their kids and try to teach them to swim but mine loses it if i get close to her 🙈🙈 (trying not to tell myself that she secretly hates me)

Would you think it weird if you saw me just kinda standing there? Last week another mum kept on telling mine 'well done' for splashing - I took that as a dig that I wasn't doing anything

Today I just kept on asking if she's having fun and waving awkwardly 😭 - I feel so awkward tbh, like everyone must think I'm the laziest mum ever

What would you do in my situation? 😬😄 Aibu to worry?

My mum actually did this with me when I was learning to swim. She taught me, but gradually withdrew. Eventually, she just sat at the side of the pool (but wearing her costume).

Many, many years later I realised that Mum and I were both on the spectrum (though I guess that's not relevant).

minnienono · 16/03/2025 00:16

Can she swim? If so I’d stand in the corner or sit on the side supervising. If she can’t you need to be within touching distance

HaveCreditWillShop · 16/03/2025 06:44

bettydavieseyes · 15/03/2025 22:24

My DD is autistic. I can't even talk to her in the pool otherwise I'll overwhelm her, she's completely in her element in Water and wants to be in her own world. She's really busy. One day I spent the whole session standing in the shallow end while she stimmed (hand flapped) and stared at the divider rope bobbing up and down in the water. 40 mins of just that. She loved it..God I was bored!

I can't care what people make of me and my parenting. I don't have a choice so it's not worth wondering how people think. I mean that genuinally. Going to the pool is a big effort, she's 10 and I have to still dress and undress her while she stands there like a manikin and she's still in nappies. Then she goes her buggy. She's basically a giant baby. Who can understand this except another similar parent.

So no, I wouldn't judge you. I don't judge anything except actual abuse. I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, just keeping her safe and as happy as possible.

You sound like a great mum. This is a bit OT but hopefully forgivable. On holiday last year I noticed a lady with a lad of about 16, he was having the most incredible time stimming in the baby pool. Later saw him swimming in the big pool and could see he was an absolute water baby. Next day I saw the lady when I was with my kids, he was stimming and splashing again and so full of joy! I said to her ‘wow he really loves water’ and we chatted a bit. Turns out she was actually a specialist nanny, keeping him safe and helping him have an amazing time whilst his family took some time to do activities he would not enjoy. I had not realised that was a service you could hire for. The lady was English but lived in Tenerife. I just thought it was a brilliant idea and he was clearly having the time of his life, the hotel had about 6 different pools for him to enjoy! She seemed completely relaxed and in control and it was clearly not her first rodeo. The way she was with him I did actually think he was her son. He was having the best time ever!

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 10:39

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/03/2025 22:45

Ex lifeguard here. I’m not sure if you mean it lightheartedly but just in case - please don’t do lengths. Children under 8 are supposed to be closely supervised in the pool, especially if they are weak swimmers. I have rescued children in swimming lessons who can swim a bit. It only takes a couple of seconds.

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Yeah this is true, I will just carry on as I am

It's a tiny pool tbh so I wouldn't be further than a couple of meters away from her anyway, but she does need watching x

OP posts:

NormasArse · 16/03/2025 10:40

Higglepigglewiggle · 15/03/2025 16:43

I think with an ASD child you need to create a bit of a thick skin where other people are concerned. Sounds like your dd is having a great time, well done!

Exactly this.

BarneyRonson · 16/03/2025 10:42

I wouldn’t think you were weird. If I did, that would be a me problem due to my judgy nature not comprehending others aren’t my business, if they’re harming no one.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 10:42

HaveCreditWillShop · 16/03/2025 06:44

You sound like a great mum. This is a bit OT but hopefully forgivable. On holiday last year I noticed a lady with a lad of about 16, he was having the most incredible time stimming in the baby pool. Later saw him swimming in the big pool and could see he was an absolute water baby. Next day I saw the lady when I was with my kids, he was stimming and splashing again and so full of joy! I said to her ‘wow he really loves water’ and we chatted a bit. Turns out she was actually a specialist nanny, keeping him safe and helping him have an amazing time whilst his family took some time to do activities he would not enjoy. I had not realised that was a service you could hire for. The lady was English but lived in Tenerife. I just thought it was a brilliant idea and he was clearly having the time of his life, the hotel had about 6 different pools for him to enjoy! She seemed completely relaxed and in control and it was clearly not her first rodeo. The way she was with him I did actually think he was her son. He was having the best time ever!

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I love this 🥺🥰

I need to be relaxed and in control tbh, instead of anxious. Shes safe and having a lovely time, screw other people's judgement

What matters is how happy the kid is, and honestly, she was so excited from the moment I put her swimming costume on

Edit, thank you x

OP posts:

Mnetcurious · 16/03/2025 10:44

Yabu to worry what people think. Even if they are silently judging, there’s nothing you can do about it and their opinions don’t matter.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 10:45

minnienono · 16/03/2025 00:16

Can she swim? If so I’d stand in the corner or sit on the side supervising. If she can’t you need to be within touching distance

Agree, she can't swim, she just loves to jump in and explore the water - she has armbands but agree, watching like a hawk is super important x

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Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 10:46

WearyAuldWumman · 15/03/2025 22:59

My mum actually did this with me when I was learning to swim. She taught me, but gradually withdrew. Eventually, she just sat at the side of the pool (but wearing her costume).

Many, many years later I realised that Mum and I were both on the spectrum (though I guess that's not relevant).

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That is relevant, and sounds like she did a great job ❤️

I am also autistic, albeit with lower support needs. I tend to feel awkward and then panic when I do

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Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 10:51

bettydavieseyes · 15/03/2025 22:24

My DD is autistic. I can't even talk to her in the pool otherwise I'll overwhelm her, she's completely in her element in Water and wants to be in her own world. She's really busy. One day I spent the whole session standing in the shallow end while she stimmed (hand flapped) and stared at the divider rope bobbing up and down in the water. 40 mins of just that. She loved it..God I was bored!

I can't care what people make of me and my parenting. I don't have a choice so it's not worth wondering how people think. I mean that genuinally. Going to the pool is a big effort, she's 10 and I have to still dress and undress her while she stands there like a manikin and she's still in nappies. Then she goes her buggy. She's basically a giant baby. Who can understand this except another similar parent.

So no, I wouldn't judge you. I don't judge anything except actual abuse. I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, just keeping her safe and as happy as possible.

Thank you for this. 100% we don't have a choice in the child we were given, so someone judging isn't going to change my journey - only I can give them the power to mske me feel bad, and tbh, I dont, I'm quite fine

Bless her - I agree, the session is an hour long and it is bloody boring 😭😭. Just sat there with my own thoughts

Mine gets in her own space too i think, she's having fun with no mummy interrupting

At home, she loves to jump down the stairs and off of the furniture, and I'm constantly stopping her - maybe at the pool, she feels free to do as she pleases (within reason)

I hope you have some respite and support in place for you? It's not an easy journey at all ❤️

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WearyAuldWumman · 16/03/2025 13:44

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 10:46

That is relevant, and sounds like she did a great job ❤️

I am also autistic, albeit with lower support needs. I tend to feel awkward and then panic when I do

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Yes, I was diagnosed with OCD in my 30s. Now in my 60s and I've been told that I likely have ASD plus ADHD, but there's no point in getting the formal diagnosis at my age. Younger family members do now have a formal diagnosis. We've all done quite well in life.

I totally get the feeling awkward. I used be a teacher, but you're putting on a show when you teach, so it was just a case of masking if you catch my meaning.

Original poster

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 16/03/2025 15:52

WearyAuldWumman · 16/03/2025 13:44

Yes, I was diagnosed with OCD in my 30s. Now in my 60s and I've been told that I likely have ASD plus ADHD, but there's no point in getting the formal diagnosis at my age. Younger family members do now have a formal diagnosis. We've all done quite well in life.

I totally get the feeling awkward. I used be a teacher, but you're putting on a show when you teach, so it was just a case of masking if you catch my meaning.

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I think you should pursue an official diagnosis if you want one? It's never too late. Having my diagnosis has really helped ❤️

Completely agree, I'm very very good at putting on a show, in work or socially - the thing is, it can't be kept up and I'd burn out - i thought that this was normal and I was failing for burning out!

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dcthatsme · 16/03/2025 17:52

I don't think you're being unreasonable to worry ( I think I might have put that in the poll as I don't quite know what the poll means). I think it's natural to feel bad and self-conscious that other parents might be judging you but you are taking your child swimming. You're standing in the water while she enjoys herself. You tried playing with her and she wants to do her own thing. You could always try some game each time and if she screams let her get on with it on her own but don't beat yourself up! You're doing great - you're doing stuff that you DD enjoys. Give yourself a break.

Jack80 · 16/03/2025 20:21

Can you swim beside her. I see lots of sen children/adults with parents/friends. I don't bat and eye lid. I smile if they come in my eye line. I smile at everyone.

Laura95167 · 16/03/2025 20:34

I think other people's opinion of you are none of your business. Let them think what they like sounds like you're doing great and giving her what she needs

Peachperfect · 16/03/2025 22:35

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 15/03/2025 16:42

I've started taking my autistic dd (almost 6) swimming again. She LOVES it 😭 bless her

But when we go, she hates playing with me.

The only thing she'd let me do was to lift her up onto the side so she could jump in. But she's figured this out herself now

I get in the pool with her and just kind of stand in the corner of the pool, supervising

Other parents play with their kids and try to teach them to swim but mine loses it if i get close to her 🙈🙈 (trying not to tell myself that she secretly hates me)

Would you think it weird if you saw me just kinda standing there? Last week another mum kept on telling mine 'well done' for splashing - I took that as a dig that I wasn't doing anything

Today I just kept on asking if she's having fun and waving awkwardly 😭 - I feel so awkward tbh, like everyone must think I'm the laziest mum ever

What would you do in my situation? 😬😄 Aibu to worry?

Being a mum of Autistic children, I've learnt to not give a shit what people think. You are being a great mum by choosing an activity that ur daughter loves even though you feel a little self conscious. The "well done" comment would make me splash the ignorant woman in the face-how patronising?!
I take no notice of people at all when my children draw attention to us, the only time I do speak up is if they have "acted out" towards someone we don't know and then I briefly explain they have ASD and then I find people have always been kind and understanding. It is something u will get used to and in time, you won't care what people think either x

pollymere · 16/03/2025 23:44

Mine loved going after a ball or floating toys. Otherwise it was about swimming about or jumping around with me swimming within a safe distance. Proper swimming didn't happen until 8/9. You don't have to play with her. She's not a toddler. Let her make up her own games. She'll soon get you joining in if she wants you to!

Jumpingthruhoops · 17/03/2025 00:04

So don't just stand there then: enjoy a swim, popping your head up occasionally to check on her. Problem solved.

McSpoot · 17/03/2025 00:11

Jumpingthruhoops · 17/03/2025 00:04

So don't just stand there then: enjoy a swim, popping your head up occasionally to check on her. Problem solved.

No, please do not do this. Your child is six and cannot swim (per your posts). She needs you paying attention at all times and (preferably) within arms reach.