Would you think I'm weird? Swimming

[mumofoneAlonebutokay]

I've started taking my autistic dd (almost 6) swimming again. She LOVES it 😭 bless her

But when we go, she hates playing with me.

The only thing she'd let me do was to lift her up onto the side so she could jump in. But she's figured this out herself now

I get in the pool with her and just kind of stand in the corner of the pool, supervising

Other parents play with their kids and try to teach them to swim but mine loses it if i get close to her 🙈🙈 (trying not to tell myself that she secretly hates me)

Would you think it weird if you saw me just kinda standing there? Last week another mum kept on telling mine 'well done' for splashing - I took that as a dig that I wasn't doing anything

Today I just kept on asking if she's having fun and waving awkwardly 😭 - I feel so awkward tbh, like everyone must think I'm the laziest mum ever

What would you do in my situation? 😬😄 Aibu to worry?

I clicked you are being unreasonable to worry about what other people think ☺️

And I'm now thinking of taking my ASD 7 year old daughter swimming.... if she'll let me 😆

Now I'm confused: if the child can't swim, why would OP just be standing there? Surely she'd be helping/playing with the child in the water if that was the case, but the child seemingly doesn't like that.

I don't know - I just actually read all of the OP's posts and based on my comments on them. From the OP:

Agree, she can't swim, she just loves to jump in and explore the water - she has armbands but agree, watching like a hawk is super important x

At six-years-old, even if the child could swim, I don't think your suggestion of just swimming and occasionally paying attention to the child is a good one (but, like another poster, I was a lifeguard for years).

Why not swim while she plays

No

all mine insisted on being independent and refused any supervision or interaction from me or DH. Now they annoy me by not giving a minute of peace in the pool 😂

Ah, I see... didn't read all OPs posts... I have other things to do... took her OP at face value and commented. She said she was just 'standing there'... judging by what you say, she's not just standing there is she? If she's engaging with her child? So I'm not really sure what the issue is.

Weird that you have "other things to do" and cannot be bothered reading posts but have plenty of time to post and ask questions.

Not really... reading takes time. Posting quick questions doesn't 🤷‍♀️

You could do exercises while "just standing in the water". Leg raises etc. You can supervise her, keep warm, and tone your legs!

I voted YABU because you should not worry about what other people think. You are doing what DD needs and that’s it. People will stare and judge a lot more if you start doing something she doesn’t like and she kicks off! My DS is NT but has behavioural issues stemming from birth family trauma and he was similar. I learned to ignore everyone and developed a death stare which came in handy for any unwanted “help”.

Perhaps the person congratulating you on splashing thought you couldn’t swim and was encouraging you.

My local pool started putting on SEND sessions in the holidays after I enquired about them. They used to do them regularly but they were poorly attended so stopped. I fed back that they were poorly attended because they were at 6pm on a school day when the vast majority of SEND kids will have already struggled through a day at school, possibly a shitty long school transport trip home, and likely needed a solid evening/bedtime routine. I suggested that an early session in the school holidays would be a more SEND friendly option and it's always really well attended.

Attending those is so much more relaxing for us - just that unspoken understanding of the potential challenges that arise is amazing.

When we go swimming in the normal sessions, sometimes my son is like your daughter and just wants to do his own thing which is fine. He is also 6 although looks a lot older and it's clear from watching him for more than 20 seconds that he's autistic. I let him get on with it and sod what anyone else thinks (whilst steering him out of the way of other people if he drifts!)

I have the same. I do water aerobics exercises in the corner. It's great exercise but easier to watch than swimming. Well done on finding something they enjoy

If it helps my son is (as far as we can see) neurotypical and exactly like this. Both at the pool and the park.
His favourite phrase is “mummy just watch quietly please”
even encouraging words are apprently too much of a distraction. I’m fully aware I look a bit lax but I’m close by hovering and supervising so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes mine is a jumper too, and shouty. The water is such an amazing sensory feeling for many autistic children because in water they can't feel their weight, which is what a lot of that jumping is about you know, trying to regulate their senses. It can be boring, isolating and anxious for us parenting lots of unknowns and confusing situations. Just remember that even though we don't know what others believe about us, most people have enough to deal with in their own lives to waste time watching ours. Those who spend time enjoying judging other people's lives usually have a back story or a chip on their shoulder. Those who don't understand may be curious and this can feel like judging or staring but there's no point in anxiety because we need some time to ourselves when our kids are happy and busy. You take care 🙂

Yes I do have support thank you OP 😊 I'm very lucky that way. I've been through some things over these 10 years with my daughter though! It's not easy at all. I try and do lots of supportive SEN activities when I can and I do recommend these!

This is great OP. You are doing amazing to regularly support and encourage her confidence and play in the water by taking her and she obviously really enjoys it.

Continue to interact in the pool in way that works best for you and DD.

I would only judge a parent not supervising their DC - but must admit performance parents do also irritate me! Otherwise I probably wouldn’t even notice you.