Would you think I'm weird? Swimming

[mumofoneAlonebutokay]

I've started taking my autistic dd (almost 6) swimming again. She LOVES it 😭 bless her

But when we go, she hates playing with me.

The only thing she'd let me do was to lift her up onto the side so she could jump in. But she's figured this out herself now

I get in the pool with her and just kind of stand in the corner of the pool, supervising

Other parents play with their kids and try to teach them to swim but mine loses it if i get close to her 🙈🙈 (trying not to tell myself that she secretly hates me)

Would you think it weird if you saw me just kinda standing there? Last week another mum kept on telling mine 'well done' for splashing - I took that as a dig that I wasn't doing anything

Today I just kept on asking if she's having fun and waving awkwardly 😭 - I feel so awkward tbh, like everyone must think I'm the laziest mum ever

What would you do in my situation? 😬😄 Aibu to worry?

I swim regularly, and quite often there are kids playing in the pool. I’m focusing on my own swimming, and the only thing that irks me is when people suddenly lurch backwards right in front of me. I don’t personally care about being splashed seeing as I’m already wet 🤷‍♀️ Is there a session for disabled people? I sometimes go to that, and there are some parents with an obviously autistic young lad who seems to love the water. That’s usually the same people every session, so we’re on saying ‘hello’ terms, and it’s nice, as we all accommodate each other’s different needs.

Edited to add - No, I wouldn’t think you were weird, I’d barely register you 😊

That's a point, thank you 😊 - we've been there a few times so couldn't hurt to just explain

Thank you 🥰

I don't think there is a disabled session - this one is in the kids pool

Thank you for saying that 😭 just felt so awkward

Another vote for the dive toys, maybe also a float that she could hold on to an kick, and a noodle that you could hold out for her to go under

You’re doing fine.

Of course it's not weird. I'd probably tread water or splash about just because that's how I am in water. But get some floats,noodles, one of those bricks you dive for? Or they might have that stuff there to borrow/rent?
It's great she feels confident to get in there without needing you hand holding. If there's fun stuff to play with I'm sure she'll engage with you a bit more soon.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay You need to be confident in the knowledge that you are doing what's best for your child even though people around you might not understand it. This is just the beginning. Take it from a fellow mum with an autistic 15 year old: You will be judged. But you will have to get used to it. "I am doing what's best for my child" should be your inner voice. Try finding other parents with autistic/ND children so you can support each other.

Good move not spending money on swimming lessons. Mine had some that actually made him afraid of the pool. A couple of months later we returned and I left him to it. At 8 he was swimming well (self learnt). There have just started group swimming sessions for autistic kids (for free!) where I live. Ask around to see if you got something similar.

I voted YABU and I just wanted to comment and clarify you are ONLY being unreasonable to give a shit what anyone else thinks! I mean I get it, I'm a single mum of 2 DC with SEN and my beautiful DS5 regularly makes me look like the shittest mam on the planet 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I know I'm a great mam though so sod what anyone else thinks 🤷🏼‍♀️

Parenting is hard whether the DC has SEN or not, we should all be supporting not judging but sadly I think that's a pipedream! I can see PP have given advice on how to be actively involved without distressing your DD and I hope these work simply to enhance the joy your DD has at the pool and to hopefully make you feel less awkward but even if they don't, you just keep doing you and what's best for your DD and ignore whatever anyone else might be thinking (I highlight might as I think the voice in our head always goes for the negative when in reality they probably haven't even given us a second thought let alone judged us negatively, most judgemental arseholes speak up in superior tones rather than thinking things quietly)

I would think that you are teaching her to be independent while supervising. I do these unusual things very often myself as my child has additional needs. She is older teen so by now I just don’t care - It will come, OP

This OP.

Parent of ASD teen. The hardest thing has been working out how to stop worrying what other people think.

I will say that the person who matters is your child. If your child is comfortable and happy, you are winning.

You sound great! Please don’t worry. You’re supervising and she’s enjoying herself and that’s all that matters 😊

Your child is happy, who cares what other people think?

I had a similar situation recently where my 3yo in a float jacket just wanted to float around playing imaginary games and kept telling me to leave her alone! I did lengths of the (small) pool keeping eyes on her. First decent swim I've had with kids present since having them!

I did get her a pool noodle (£11!!!) Today which she used for a bit

I didn't think of getting her to go under it. I held it out to her, she grabbed it and off she went 😭

This is true, other than a dig from someone, I havent really had any comments

😭😭 dd has the habit of making me look terrible too! She loves to elope, so I'm constantly chasing after her in lidl 🤭🥰

❤️ maybe i could try doing some lengths rather than just standing in the corner 😭😭

That's amazing, she sounds so confident already x

We were swimming this afternoon at a pool with diving boards, and my 2 strong swimmers only wanted to jump in, swim round and climb back up ready to go again. On repeat, for nearly an hour. 🙄 Lots of other kids the same and no-one seemed to pay any heed.

I don’t think I’d even notice!!

Just imagine we're all in the pool with you!!

As many others have said you just need to develop a thicker skin when you have children with SEN.

Definitely don't buy your pool toys at the pool!!🤣

Would she enjoy throwing a small ball back-and-forth? The dive toys are great. I used to love doing that with my dad but it just depends how confident she is diving under. She's still only really young would she enjoy chasing something like a floating flower?

There are so many things you can get that might encourage you to be a bit more interactive with you, but if she's happy just doing her own thing I wouldn't worry too much about it.

The only parents I 'judge' at the pool are the ones that are not watching their small children and are either on their phones or chatting and not even throwing a glance in their child's direction, certainly not a mum watching her child playing happily🤗

I'd probably assume you were having a sneaky wee 😅😅😅

I very much doubt I would look at you twice. I’m too busy making sure my own children aren’t drowning/ trying to drown each other.

I wouldn't notice. Quite a lot of 6 year olds can swim, when i take my 5 year old im watching her but not attempting to teach/play with her, she's too busy diving for sinkers.

I wouldn’t take any notice of you, I’d be too busy supervising my own child, but I tend to let them do what they want and I stand back and watch, I think it’s better for them to be honest, I’m there to make sure they’re safe.

I sometimes take my kids to the pool when they have excess energy to burn and I'm at the end if my tether! I tell them to entertain themselves whilst I float about (supervising behaviour) and we all get out of the pool much calmer and happier.

Couldn't give a fuck what anyone else thinks and nor should you!

Op I wouldn't worry about other people to be honest. My son had a meltdown the other week at his swim lesson because he'd changed his lesson day and he said the pool smelt really bad, it was just the usual chlorine smell but he does have sensitive nose. I couldn't get him to go in the pool he kept running off. I'm sure people were thinking he was being a brat. I could feel the eyes on me. I also agree about the performance parents with their constant praise its almost condescending, irritating and over the top. I praise my kids when they do things well of course but not for every silly little action, it's like they are training a dog.