Would this give you ‘the ick’?

[ritaBx]

Decided to try online dating. Been speaking to a guy and it’s been going quite well in terms of conversation.

We are the same age (40) and he claims he’s been single for just over a year.

He works away a lot (which would be fine for me in terms of a relationship, I like my own space) but last night we were talking and I asked him about his house when he goes home. He said he lives with his mum and dad at the moment and has done since his relationship broke down.

I can get why this would be better for him - he works away a lot anyway so it would save him a fortune but it did put me
off a bit.

I realise lots of us live back to our parents when a relationship breaks down. I did the same a few years ago and lived with my mum for almost 18 months. But that was my healing era. I needed it and wasn’t looking for another relationship at the time.

I am also wondering if his break up is more recent than he’s letting on. He does have a child so im guessing he was the one to move out.

I don’t know, I just feel he’s not fully sorted over his break up yet and that’s sort of putting me off abit - I don’t want to ask too many questions though!

Would It put you off? A 40 year old living back at his parents? Baring in mind his job involves working away for the majority….

Maybe he’s in his “healing era”? 🙄

He's a man though OP. They literally jump from relationship to relationship. You're lucky if they end the first one before they jump to the next. It is always the man who ends up in a relationship first after a break up. It's like their egos can't cope without someone fawning over them. They make me sick. I would be a bit wary OP but you know what you are doing this time. You've already said there is no way you would let him get his feet straight under the table. If this puts him off then you know he isn't the man for you. If it's meant to be he will be happy to move at your pace. If not LTB.

No I don’t think it would give me the ick but I’d just be more wary. I have a friend who moved back in with his parents after the breakdown of his relationship. It allows him to fully support his child financially his ex probably takes the mic a little to be honest. He’s a nice guy and definitely is over ex and isn’t planning on moving in with someone he meets. I think he just does not have the reason to move out.

Roll your eyes at this. Sure you'll manage it...

Just ask him straight up next time you see him. “I’m a bit confused about the timeline with when you broke up with your ex and when you moved in with your parents”.
just leave it there and let him fill the silence, and see what he says. Then when he answers dig a little deeper “oh, so you didn’t move out straight away?” Or “so where did you live between breaking up and moving in with your parents”.

if he’s got nothing to hide, it should not cause an issue. If he’s evasive or deceitful or defensive, then there might be some red flags
and you need to figure out how you want to proceed. Both in the conversation and the relationship.

Why does it matter if it gives other people "the ick" or not. What matters is how you feel. Or are you just wanting validation from others?

Are you happy in the relationship? If so then stay, if not leave. You're not living together, or have children together. It's not complicated

I can manage to roll my eyes at many things, but this wasn’t aimed at the “healing”; I was being a curmudgeon about “era” and also OP’s double standards.

all of these could be true. He probably tried to find somewhere to live and then moved to parents because of financial reasons e.g was renting while less travel and moved to parents when travel increased.
in my area he would have to come back to parents unless he could pay silly money for renting. So as long as he has a plan I won’t begrudge him sensible financial decisions.

My worry with this working away etc would be screaming at me that he's still attached!