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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
ginasevern · 14/03/2025 17:42

He called a member of staff a bitch. Jesus Christ, he sounds vile. I'd have told him to stay home. Are you planning on staying with him? I wouldn't want to share my life with such a nasty, pompous misogynist. What sort of model will he be to your daughter?

Hankunamatata · 14/03/2025 17:42

Ryan air are notorious for being super stuck on luggage. And yep your dh as a dick and I would have left him. He is acting all defensive as he is sooooo wrong

sashh · 14/03/2025 17:43

I bet if your 11 year old behaved like that she would be grounded with no phone for about 6 months.

Take the children out for the day tomorrow.

MILLYmo0se · 14/03/2025 17:44

Just be very succinct with him when he whines about you not backing him up 'I will never, and I repeat never, back a man calling a young woman a bitch, particularly when the issue is just the fact that he is wrong.' 'Noone I know would back you and miss their flight over your behaviour so you need to drop the matter now or fly your sulky self home again'

MissUltraViolet · 14/03/2025 17:45

Bet he would’ve paid and been on the flight if the person trying to charge him for his excess baggage was a man.

Your husband is an abusive bully.

Id be reconsidering the entire marriage but in the short term the twat better turn up tomorrow and be incredibly apologetic and own his fuck up and disgusting behaviour.

I suspect he won’t, he’ll sulk and blame you and ruin the holiday.

I had a step-dad that behaved that way, always arguing with people, from road rage to everything in between. It messed me up really badly so please think of your children. Your DD is already going to remember forever what he did on her first holiday.

Good luck OP.

BeesAndCrumpets · 14/03/2025 17:45

You made the right decision and long may it continue. You are not the one who created the mess that could so easily be avoided...

Does he hold a grudge, OP?

Hopefully in years to come you can laugh about the time your DH was being a twat, and you didn't put up with it and went on holiday without him (for one night anyway!). Bravo! (and lets hope he learnt his lesson!). BRAVO AGAIN!

Toddlerteaplease · 14/03/2025 17:46

What a horrible man. Good for you. I would not allow I g him to come out tomorrow.

murasaki · 14/03/2025 17:46

He's going to turn up with a massive chip on his shoulder, convinced he was right.

Enjoy today, as tomorrow could be grim.

crinkletits · 14/03/2025 17:46

You're a legend and pls don't let him think you feel guilty for a second.

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 17:47

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GeorgieBot · 14/03/2025 17:47

Never have I voted so fast before 😂
I knew before I read the post that you weren't being unreasonable
I wish he wasn't coming and you could just have lovely time away without him, I'm so sorry he's done this to your first holiday abroad.
I don't want to be all LTB, but he seems like a misogynist arsehole

Onthemove4 · 14/03/2025 17:48

I really admire you for the stance you’ve taken . Good on you. He’s behaved disgracefully . I’d text him tonight and tell him that you and the children are just starting to relax and unwind after the embarrassing situation he placed you in this morning.

Tell him to think twice if he’s considering coming over and sounding off and upsetting everyone again. If that’s what’s likely to happen you’d have a better holiday without him. I hope you and your children have a lovely holiday 🌞

BlusteryLake · 14/03/2025 17:48

What the hell have I just read?! You are married to a manchild who becomes abusive when he is in the wrong. Massive red flag.

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:49

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 16:34

YUBU for taking your daughter out of school in terms time. Selfish.

Bugger off, she excels in English and is working at a level way ahead of her age. She also gets private maths tuition as paid for by her paternal nana. She's fine. This holiday was £1000 extra to go in the holidays.

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 14/03/2025 17:49

You did exactly the right thing and I only hope he doesn't punish you for it by wrecking the holiday. Good on you for going!

Toddlerteaplease · 14/03/2025 17:49

Radiatorvalves · 14/03/2025 16:13

He may find that his return flight is cancelled too. What an unpleasant idiot.

Good point

Topseyt123 · 14/03/2025 17:49

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Completely beside the point, a load of bollocks and irrelevant the thread.

Quinlan · 14/03/2025 17:51

Why are you responding to people telling you off for a school time holiday and ignoring every comment about your husband’s abusive behaviour?

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 17:51

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Get a grip.

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:51

He has been known for this sort of behaviour with service staff before. He always seems to think that everybody is trying to rip him off, it's odd.

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 14/03/2025 17:52

he's a muppet
cost of paying the bag fee < cost of buying a new flight (plus transport back from and to new airport, and then again once abroad < FOUR new flights!

However I will say some airlines are RIDICULOUSLY strict about carry on luggage - I flew the other week and they were trying to charge people, even though their bags fit in the test-cage thing, because they struggled to pull them out, apparently they have to fit "easily"

There was also a post on here the other day where someone whose case was ever so slightly over said they'd take their coat out of it and wear it but wasn't allowed, which seems utterly pathetic - I've taken a jumper off and stuffed it in my case before because I was absolutely boiling after speed-walking the length of a giant airport lugging all my stuff, so it would be a bit harsh to be charged because you hadn't put it back on!

So tbh I do have some sympathy with thinking of some staff as jobsworths, but ofc there is no excuse for ever calling someone a bitch.

(which is to say he should have triple checked it was within the guidelines before flying).

murasaki · 14/03/2025 17:52

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:51

He has been known for this sort of behaviour with service staff before. He always seems to think that everybody is trying to rip him off, it's odd.

Minus odd, plus abusive and repulsive.

Vannymcvan · 14/03/2025 17:52

I'm applauding you. You've shown him you won't put up with his disgusting behaviour, and you've shown the children actions have consequences. Only you can decide if this a relationship you want to stay in.

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:53

Quinlan · 14/03/2025 17:51

Why are you responding to people telling you off for a school time holiday and ignoring every comment about your husband’s abusive behaviour?

I've only just logged back on after being at the buffet, give me chance :)

OP posts:
GrannyNannyMagratandGreebo · 14/03/2025 17:53

Hollietree · 14/03/2025 16:14

I would have done exactly the same. Stand firm @AskingForTacos - why should all of you (including children) be punished for his shitty behaviour? And why pay for new flights for all of you when you can just pay for his new flight.

In fact I would tell him firmly that he is only to get on that flight and join you if he is going to apologise for being a brat, not put any blame on you, arrive with a smile and get on with having a nice family holiday. If he isn’t going to do that, then he shouldn’t get on a plane.

I agree wholeheartedly

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