To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

Nope.
I’d have done the same.
Maybe he’ll learn his lesson that you don’t get to speak to people like shit and get away with it!
Hope you and the DC’s have a cracking holiday!!

Op if hes that well travelled he should know how to pack properly and treat airport staff politely. If he starts grumbling when he gets there tell him to bugger off!!!! He sounds really rude. Enjoy your holiday with the children x

Hi @AskingForTacos
I am someone who is always very middle of the road and can see both sides of arguments usually. (Bit rubbish really am learning a lot from Mumsnet!) 😂
BUT I totally totally agree with others on the thread here that you were in the right to continue on your holiday.

Furthermore, if he has travelled a lot in the past, he should know how incredibly particular all airlines are at the moment on baggage as they’re trying to make as much money as possible and they will not budge on extras. Ryan air are particularly strict and he deliberately overpacked.

Then, he was rude to young female staff in front of his daughters so set a very poor parenting example. Does he usually shout at people in front of his kids??

Finally, if you’d gone back with him that would have cost you 4 more flights as opposed to just 1. Financially you have done your bank account a favour even though it was probably a nerve racking thing for you and not how you envisaged your first day’s holiday.

Your daughter wanted to go and not wait for him and it’s fair that you all maximise your time on holiday as it wasn’t your packing error - why should you all suffer?
HE should be incredibly apologetic about his behaviour; thinking he is above airline rules 🙄 ; costing your family money and upsetting you all by arguing with staff and not making your first day on vacation a happy one.
If he turns up angry - I would show him this thread and then refuse to engage at all unless you get a proper heartfelt apology.

Absolutely you di the right thing and went on ahead, for him to follow on tomorrow. It would be silly to pay for another 3 flights when you only have to pay for one flight.

If he hadn't been such a dick then it'd not have happened - its cost him far more.

Also why should you all lose a night of the holiday

It was his mistake and he paid the price for it. Why should you and kids have a shorter holiday because of him.

OP have an amazing time and try not to let him ruin it for you.

Just like to say well done Ryanair for sticking up for their staff member.

Why on earth would you show a united front with him when he's being a dick? He needs to take responsibility for his mistakes and not double-down on them and drag you and the kids into his balls up. It would do him a lot of good to admit he fucked up, apologise and then you can all enjoy the holiday you deserve.

He didn't suddenly become an abusive, hot headed asshole this morning, did he?

I suspect he's like that far more often. It's who he is.

1. He didn't listen to your correct advice and insisted he knew better
2. He called a staff member a "jobsworth bitch" for his mistake
3. He then expected you to support his stupidity
4. He embarrassed you publically
5. He upset your daughter
6. He is a terrible example to your kids and a horrific role model
7. He has created additional expenses, than you cannot afford
8. He continues to blame everyone but himself

I wouldn't just be leaving him in an airport. I would be leaving him forever.

He called a young woman doing her job a bitch and he has called you a cow.
This really isn’t the man you choose to be a male role model in your daughter’s life. You’ve made a huge mistake here. Time to start fixing it.

If it was just you then you could crack on with your bad choices, but it’s not. You’ve got kids. This man is not a good man. Good men don’t do this.

He was abusive and used misogynistic language to someone doing their job, in front of you and your daughter.

he is now trying to emotionally manipulate you to think you are in the wrong.

enjoy your holiday.

afterwards I’d be seriously thinking about whether you want this man as a role model in your children’s lives.

Thing is the flight probably cost more than the luggage charge

Of course you did the right thing OP. And good for you.

He sounds like an embarrassment as well as being an unpleasant and manipulative person. I’d be ending the relationship over this behaviour if it was me personally.

Yuck, he sounds pretty horrible tbh I'd have been mortified with that sort of behaviour towards staff

I was just going to say this. He could check his own return flight.

I might briefly mention it to him (or I might not bother). If it were cancelled then he could sort himself another one but I would be doing fuck all about it.

Yes, I would march off without him through a second airport (the destination one) if necessary and head home with the children.

Honestly, what a fuckwit.

@AskingForTacos so he flouted the clear rules and then instead of paying, abused people and he wants YOU to stand by him? God, he needs to apologise to you for showing you up in public. I hope he reflects overnight and apologises and realises you would have had to pay for new flights for all and so on.

Get rid. Horrid man child, acting like a spoiled immature brat. I would not tolerate this in a relationship. Would not be able to look at him in the same way again

Sounds like how my father used to behave and ruin the holiday before it started. Mind you, that was many, many years ago. The fact your husband behaved this way today is beyond unacceptable. Good for you going off without him. Can't imagine having to listen to all his B itching and moaning how wronged he was. Enjoy your holiday. With a bit of luck he will have difficulty gettting a reasonably priced flight out to where you are and will be stuck at home with his own negativity.

He called a young woman a jobsworth bitch in front of your 11 year old daughter? Please don’t let him spoil the rest of the holiday for you and the kids. You set an excellent example to your DD in how to react to abusive men. Please continue to do that.

Well done you OP! I was in a relationship like this with my ex husband and would have definitely caved and rescheduled my flight because he had a control over me. I’m happy that you aren’t controlled by a horrible man, never give in to that behaviour.

This. His behaviour is a red flag. He is abusive.

Serves him right - hope OP doesn’t contribute 😬

What an absolute cunt. You did the right thing. I'd be telling him you had no desire for him to join you now.

No, let him suffer the consequences of his behaviour if its cancelled and he's too stupid to check

This is how he’ll react when you or your daughter do something he deems wrong.

He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”.

What the fuck! Twat indeed!