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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
Kevinisnotacatname · 14/03/2025 17:53

This reply has been deleted

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Oh bog off Boggins, this isn't what op needs to hear right now and it's not the issue.

I and many many other children gained far more from holidays with my parents than missing the odd week of school. I have an MA in history because of the vast amounts of historical sites we went to on holiday and the the huge amount that I learnt that inspired me. My GCSE history teacher told me I was hopeless at history.

Bitofanchange · 14/03/2025 17:53

I absolutely applaud you!

ttcat37 · 14/03/2025 17:55

My vagina would fully heal up, and the repulsion would be terminal, if my DH called someone just doing their job a ‘jobsworth bitch’. I think I would be tempted to tell him not to bother coming out. He’s going to ruin the holiday regardless.

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:55

He's fine in the house and never raises his voice at us but with service staff omg he's awful. He embarrassed us in Tesco Mobile the other week having a go at the lad working there because they wouldn't repair his uninsured phone there and then for him free of charge.

It's always been the biggest issue in our relationship.

OP posts:
Bitofanchange · 14/03/2025 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh bore off!

A weeks holiday isn’t going to have any detrimental issue.

Sadly some people are just sheep!

Quinlan · 14/03/2025 17:56

How did this guy who is awful to service staff get past a few dates with you? How did you marry him? Like really, why did you pick this one out of all the men?

YessandNno · 14/03/2025 17:57

He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it.

Tell him not to bother and you'll see him next week when you get back!

Pigeonqueen · 14/03/2025 17:57

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:55

He's fine in the house and never raises his voice at us but with service staff omg he's awful. He embarrassed us in Tesco Mobile the other week having a go at the lad working there because they wouldn't repair his uninsured phone there and then for him free of charge.

It's always been the biggest issue in our relationship.

Let this be a clear warning that this is how he will behave towards your dc when they’re teenagers. I would get out now while you can.

autisticbookworm · 14/03/2025 17:58

I hope he doesn’t spoil the holiday when he does arrive. I’d question why he begrudges his children their holiday at the expense of his own spite

HobbyHorse30 · 14/03/2025 17:58

Your husband is a bit of an arsehole. If he’d called a young woman doing her job a bitch, and then called me a cow for not endorsing his behaviour, he wouldn’t just not be coming on holiday with me - he wouldn’t be coming home with me either.

I’m not a knee-jerk LTB advocate but this whole husband belongs in the bin

ladymammalade · 14/03/2025 17:58

Ryanair staff are generally total jobsworths, but everyone knows you just play the game.
DS went with under seat hand luggage and it didn’t fit in to their contraption. They wanted him to pay so he unpacked his bag, and put on several items of clothing plus a couple of shoes in pockets. It held up the queue, and once he was waved through he took it all off and put the stuff back in his bag. It was a big waste of time for everyone but he couldn’t afford to pay £60. He told them what he was going to do but they stood there and waited for him to do it, knowing he would still be getting on the plane with the same amount of stuff 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dweetfidilove · 14/03/2025 17:58

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:58

When I was pregnant with DS I had a few emergency scans following bleeds and he always managed to make the situation so much more stressful. There'd always be a road rage incident on the way to the hospital, or a big drama at the unit reception over the state of the parking etc.

OP posts:
murasaki · 14/03/2025 17:59

Imagine your daughter as a 20 year old in her first real job being spoken to like that.

Not very attractive, is it.

cocoromo · 14/03/2025 18:00

Urg - he sounds awful OP, you can I’m sure do better.
can’t read guidelines on packing,
can’t accept when he’s wrong,
absuive to staff for his own mistakes
huffy man child when things don’t go his way….yuck
Try to enjoy your trips and don’t let this stroppy pick ruin it.

FckTheSchGateHuns · 14/03/2025 18:00

Tell him he's lucky you didn't tear him a new one on behalf of the young woman he was an AH to, and if he mentions one single word about it for the rest of the holiday it'll be the last one he's allowed to go on.
...and send him a link to this thread.

murasaki · 14/03/2025 18:00

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:58

When I was pregnant with DS I had a few emergency scans following bleeds and he always managed to make the situation so much more stressful. There'd always be a road rage incident on the way to the hospital, or a big drama at the unit reception over the state of the parking etc.

Well isn't he quite the Prince.

You can do better, OP.

TheAmusedQuail · 14/03/2025 18:00

You are my hero! We should all be more like you.

Cucy · 14/03/2025 18:01

I would have gone without him because it would have been the end of my relationship right there and then.

The way he treats these people are his true colours.
He thinks he is superior to these second class citizens.

The fact that his little wife and kids didn’t run after him must be very damaging to this big important man.

Why are you showing your DD that this is an acceptable way to treat people.
I would be horrified if my teenager spoke to someone like he did, in fact it actually just wouldn’t happen because my teenager isn’t a twat.

You didn’t need to give the back story because it doesn’t matter if you went away on holiday every month.
Its not the holiday/lack of holidays that is the issue here, it’s your DPs awful attitude.

Indyschoolq · 14/03/2025 18:03

Can’t believe he tried to keep you and kids back with him! You were 100% right and a proper adult would not have told the kids (especially the 11 year old) to stay back due to Daddy’s poor choices. Life lesson for him, and the kids. Your daughter has witnessed a woman doing the right thing by her and knowing her worth.

Dollydaydream100 · 14/03/2025 18:04

I have only read your first post:

He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch

Any man who spoke to another woman like this would be served divorce papers. That and the fact you are now scared of him actually coming out and the repercussions of you going without him suggest you have bigger problems than him overfilling his bag and being a tightarse.

Stripeyanddotty · 14/03/2025 18:04

Does your dd ‘adore’ him?

Cucy · 14/03/2025 18:05

ladymammalade · 14/03/2025 17:58

Ryanair staff are generally total jobsworths, but everyone knows you just play the game.
DS went with under seat hand luggage and it didn’t fit in to their contraption. They wanted him to pay so he unpacked his bag, and put on several items of clothing plus a couple of shoes in pockets. It held up the queue, and once he was waved through he took it all off and put the stuff back in his bag. It was a big waste of time for everyone but he couldn’t afford to pay £60. He told them what he was going to do but they stood there and waited for him to do it, knowing he would still be getting on the plane with the same amount of stuff 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s not being a jobsworth to do your job.

Your DS’s luggage did not fit into the compartment, which is the same size for everyone.

Sounds like you think he should have been treated differently to every other passenger on board.

Hopefully you don’t have the same opinion of the pilot when they do their job.

Andabottleofrum · 14/03/2025 18:05

I felt so sad for you reading the OP. You really deserve this holiday, and it will always be tai ted by DH‘s behaviour.

However, I can’t imagine why you could stay with a man who is so abusive to service staff.

I strongly believe that everyone should have to wait tables, work in a shop and clean up after others for at least a month in their lives.

Because anyone who thinks they are above service staff is absolutely revolting and I would never be able to put up with it

Quinlan · 14/03/2025 18:06

So, he’s just sounding worse though. You’ve had years of seeing really poor behaviour, directed at strangers, women, service people. In front of your children, during situations where you need calm and collected instead of angry and abusive… why have you stayed? Why do you have tolerance for this? Women need to start holding very hard line on this and kicking them to the kerb at any sign of this behaviour. Why is his behaviour ok for you and why have him around your daughter?

To be clear, I know how hard it is. I’m a single mum, proper single mum with bugger all help from their dad until very recently. I patented solo from when my oldest was 2 and my youngest was 6 weeks old. They were late primary when their dad showed back up. Being a single parent and dating is very very hard, and the temptation to take any man who stays around is strong but you ignore it. You only take the man who is right. I was single for 10 and a half years. From my son being 6 weeks old until 18 months ago. I had lots of chances to not be single, but there were red flags so I didn’t stay with any of those men past the dating stage, maybe a few months at most. It took me 10 years to date the right man who is wonderful. I wouldn’t have settled for someone treating service staff like shit…

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