Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
CrystalMighty · 14/03/2025 17:10

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 16:34

YUBU for taking your daughter out of school in terms time. Selfish.

Oh do shush.

YourHappyJadeEagle · 14/03/2025 17:10

What an idiot. There’s a right response and it’s not calling a member of staff a bitch.
You did exactly the right thing. I think you’re really kind letting him join you at all.

3rdtimeinflorida · 14/03/2025 17:10

ps You don’t mention if he has offered any sort of apology to you or is that not in his nature?

Regretsmorethanafew · 14/03/2025 17:10

WellsAndThistles · 14/03/2025 16:23

Just a tip, the ground crew are not employed by the airline. It wasn't Ryanair who banned him from flying it was the ground crew so don't be surprised if swapping to a different airport doesn't work as well as he thinks it will.

The gate staff are absolutely employed by ryanair

Ph3 · 14/03/2025 17:10

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

Well I think there’s a lot of difference between showing a united front and calling people names. If my H had gone on a rant as such where he was disrespectful towards other people I would have walked away. It’s ok to ask for some wriggle room and fight for your rights but in this case he was in the wrong.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 14/03/2025 17:10

Fuck him, OP, he behaved like an absolute bell end and is reaping the consequences.

He should be apologising like crazy for his appalling behaviour, not blaming you for leaving him to it.

Is this very out of character for him? If not, I think you might consider ditching him for good.

ChompandaGrazia · 14/03/2025 17:11

called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”

That would have been the end for me. I couldn’t be with someone who treats anyone like that. And also everyone knows that Ryanair are strict. That’s the deal. You can’t get anything past them. It’s his fault. Twat.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 14/03/2025 17:11

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 17:09

Well done!! You did the absolute right thing!!
So now instead of paying excess baggage he has to pay for a new flight, with the proper baggage allowance - lesson learned hopefully!

Not to stress you out OP but double check he can get the original return flight home withyouguys. Ryanair used to have a policy that if you missed your outward flight, then your return flight was automatically cancelled.

Edited

Nothing to panic about - leave the fucker there!

RaspberryBeretxx · 14/03/2025 17:12

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

I don't know why he thinks you'd back him when he was, you know... actually in the wrong! Of course they were going to charge him for the extra weight.

I'd think very carefully about who he really is given what his actions today. Is he truly not abusive or does he manipulate/control/belittle (just under the radar)? Everything about the way he has acted does NOT sit well and aren't the actions of a normal kind person imo.

ruethewhirl · 14/03/2025 17:13

He behaved like an arse and you did exactly the right thing, OP.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/03/2025 17:16

"He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”"
He'd be getting an earbashing from me for that demonstration of misogyny. I might just tell him to not bother finding another flight either.

"He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic."
Pathetic indeed. And a huge, huge red flag. He behaved abominably - and he wants you to cheerlead that behaviour? Get tae fuck! He can be as annoyed as he likes, I will NEVER show a 'united front' with a man being a complete arsehole.

He needs to seriously look to his own behaviour and change his ways, or I'd be getting a permanent ick.

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 17:16

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 16:34

YUBU for taking your daughter out of school in terms time. Selfish.

You know not every country believes in the British ideology that school children must be in school for every minute of every school day? For fear of paying a fine.

Ignore this bullshit OP, and enjoy your holiday!!

sellotapechicken · 14/03/2025 17:16

Well done!

comfyslippers2 · 14/03/2025 17:21

So very sorry that this is how you’re starting your first ever precious holiday abroad. In a blaze of stress & embarrassment with him making a huge scene at the airport and now tense and on edge on your first night dreading his arrival.

He tried it on with the bag, got caught out then behaved absolutely appallingly to the staff & then to you. You had no choice with a boarded bag anyway & did absolutely the right thing for you & your kids. Well done for being able to think straight in the heat of the moment. I hope when he cools down he’ll realise the whole thing was of his own making & apologise.

I really hope you can enjoy your hard earned, much deserved & long awaited holiday after a rough time with your bereavement & you and the kids have a great time with or without this sulky irresponsible mood hoover of a human firework.

SuperTrooper14 · 14/03/2025 17:22

Bravo for leaving him behind like the idiot he is! Any man who calls a woman a bitch deserves all he gets. If he doesn't acknowledge that he was in the wrong when he eventually turns up, I'd be rethinking the relationship. He's hardly the male role model you must want for your daughter.

stayathomer · 14/03/2025 17:22

There’s times the kids are in trouble for things and they say ‘it’s future me’s problem’. This is future you’s problem- enjoy your holiday, send him the odd text and don’t feel guilty, you deserve this, he brought this on himself )x

Emptyandsad · 14/03/2025 17:23

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

He's annoyed you didn't back him up????

You should be annoyed that he didn't back up his family by complying with the clearly stated Ryanair rules. And how would you have benefited from missing more of your holiday and having to pay more for extra flights?

But you can't argue with stupid

Simplelobsterhat · 14/03/2025 17:23

You did the right thing. If he moans just repeat, it would be too expensive to pay for 4 new flights instead of one over. Factual, logical, he can't really argue with it.

But if he keeps going in about poor him and you not supporting him, I'd suggest you point out he didn't support you by making your first ever holiday abroad a good experience. It was his choice to spoil it by not paying the extra and being abusive to staff. This holiday was more important to you than him

mediummumma · 14/03/2025 17:23

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

He’s making your reaction to his disgusting behaviour the problem here, OP. Not only is he abusive to strangers, he’s a gaslighter too. If I were you I’d have left him at the airport too but I would also have told him he’s not welcome to join us. I cannot stand abusive bastards who speak to women as if they are shite on their shoe.

repellingmnvipers · 14/03/2025 17:24

What was the price of new flight? Isn't he annoyed at himself as in his attempt to save money it cost more presumably?

theresnolimits · 14/03/2025 17:25

I’ve been a witness to this type of behaviour at an airport. It’s scary and hideous for the young women involved. The guy I saw was allowed to board but arrested on landing.

I think it’s great that the airlines are taking a firm stand on this abusive behaviour as it’s never appropriate but especially where flights are concerned.

You did exactly the right thing; he needs to learn his lesson and not try to deflect on you. Way to ruin a holiday.

TheSippyCupSociety · 14/03/2025 17:25

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

I’m glad you didn’t. Well done for acting correctly especially in front of your children. This isn’t the behaviour I would want my children to witness. This would actually be enough for me to leave my DH

2025willbemytime · 14/03/2025 17:26

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

So he cares more about how he looks in front of strangers than the upset he's caused to his wife and children.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/03/2025 17:27

Another reason you were right to board without him.

It may not be that difficult to book a flight for one person... even if it will cost a lot more than the original flight because of short notice.

But trying to book four extra seats, seated next to two children, less than 24 hours to go and at a huge price increase? Much more difficult. Booking replacement transfers at the last minute for four people? Also more difficult than booking for one adult.

Given the fact that you've said he's really tight and the new flights would have cost so much more than your original ones, and might not have enough seats...
Plus getting to the different airport in the first place, ##
You may have ended up having to cancel the holiday altogether if you'd gone back with him

Diningtableornot · 14/03/2025 17:28

Well done OP, you did the right thing.
I hope you can find some way forward with DH. Stay firm and speak calmly! Good luck.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.