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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
WarriorN · 16/03/2025 11:41

“Don’t take your embarrassment about being an awkward customer out on the children and me.”

RatedDoingMagic · 16/03/2025 11:50

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:48

To folk asking what his good qualities are:

  1. never raises his voice or gets violent with me (but does raise his voice at service staff which I hate) I’ve never been frightened by him. Irritated and pissed off yes, never frightened.
  2. generally good relationship with DD (doing the school run, making her laugh, supporting with hobbies and homework etc) and stepped up when her biological father got into a relationship and started being a knob about seeing her
  3. never had any issues stepping up as a father when I unexpectedly got pregnant with ds. He found the pregnancy stressful and there were incidents where he stressed me out when I had scans, but overall he loved having a baby and was helpful
  4. played a charmer for the first couple of years of the relationship and only started the moaning and complaining after this time
this isn’t me defending him, he’s a knob. Just some context
Edited

That's not enough. Those aren't "good" qualities. (2) barely makes basic minimum requirements for "I won't have safeguarding concerns if he wants to see her after we have split up". (1) & (3) are just "could be worse" which isn't the point, and (4) is "he is capable of pretending to be not-a-knob for limited periods"

You can do better.

Meanwhile33 · 16/03/2025 11:50

I think previous posters are right, whether consciously or not, his intention at the airport was to make sure all four of you didnt go on the holiday, because he didn’t want to go in the first place. What a shit.

Then you ruined his plan by going anyway and showing him he’s not the centre of the universe. Your daughter must have been so thrilled that you chose her happiness over appeasing him and his stupid ego.

I hope he’s not being too awful now. Once you make it clear you’ve run out of patience for pandering to him it’s possible he might be able to get over himself and stop behaving like such a twat.

ArtTheClown · 16/03/2025 11:53

OP how are you today, how's it going now?

darthbreakz · 16/03/2025 11:54

You'd probably have had to pay twice for the flights for everyone in that case and they'd probably be more expensive as short notice, so economically it makes sense that you all go on the flights you've already paid for unless you decide to be a dick and insult airport staff.

But from a moral standpoint you also did the right thing.

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 11:59

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 16/03/2025 09:31

@Bogginsthe3rd

I don't support taking children out of school during normal school days. Terrible loss to their eduction. Please have a word or two.

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 11:59

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 11:59

I don't support taking children out of school during normal school days. Terrible loss to their eduction. Please have a word or two.

You’re kidding! I’d never have guessed!

Pingu32 · 16/03/2025 12:03

andthat · 16/03/2025 09:28

@Pingu32 you know that this is an opinion forum and that posters are entitled to their own view, even if it doesn’t align with yours? Calling someone out on their spelling or grammar is totally crass and says more about you than them.

Fair enough. Although, the OP wasn't looking for opinions on taking her DD out of school - it was all about the actions of her DH. And she was called 'selfish'. I don't call people out on things unless they have been unkind. I'm sure there are many other spelling/grammar mistakes on here, which I wouldn't dream of flagging up.

Namerequired · 16/03/2025 12:11

I bet if you had stayed behind with him he would not have booked new flights. It makes no sense otherwise. I hope you’re still having a good time

SuperTrooper14 · 16/03/2025 12:14

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 11:59

I don't support taking children out of school during normal school days. Terrible loss to their eduction. Please have a word or two.

Terrible loss? It's five days out of minimum 190 days in school per year. Across the course of 14 years in education (including sixth form), OP's DD is missing five days out of a minimum 2,660.

Don't you think you're overreacting a teensy bit?

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:17

SuperTrooper14 · 16/03/2025 12:14

Terrible loss? It's five days out of minimum 190 days in school per year. Across the course of 14 years in education (including sixth form), OP's DD is missing five days out of a minimum 2,660.

Don't you think you're overreacting a teensy bit?

I'm not over reacting just stating my opinion. I think DD is 11 and losing school days at this age can have a profound impact on educational outcomes. That's all.

AllyDally · 16/03/2025 12:22

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:17

I'm not over reacting just stating my opinion. I think DD is 11 and losing school days at this age can have a profound impact on educational outcomes. That's all.

Nonsense, a child who attends school, engages and has parents who engage will not be affected. A child who does not have the above is likely to be more affected for sure. A few days off at 11 will have no affect at all, she could have had flu for 5 days and been fine.

Both mine were in senior school during lockdown, they were in and out for 2 years, eldest in Y11 when still being sent home for isolation and had to take proper exams. They were both fine as they had lots of support.

T1Dmama · 16/03/2025 12:25

dapsnotplimsolls · 15/03/2025 16:36

Ok, so he wasn't allowed on the first flight and now he's missed the next one? No doubt this will all be someone else's fault. Dickhead.

I don’t think that’s whats happened… I read it to mean that because he missed the original flight (one he was not allowed on)
and has booked with a
different airline and only booked a flight it
doesn't include transfers so he’s now relying on public transport.
I may be wrong but that’s how I’ve interpreted it?!

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:26

AllyDally · 16/03/2025 12:22

Nonsense, a child who attends school, engages and has parents who engage will not be affected. A child who does not have the above is likely to be more affected for sure. A few days off at 11 will have no affect at all, she could have had flu for 5 days and been fine.

Both mine were in senior school during lockdown, they were in and out for 2 years, eldest in Y11 when still being sent home for isolation and had to take proper exams. They were both fine as they had lots of support.

I would suggest that COVID, Flu etc can't be avoided where as a holiday can. Also poor example by you as children were hugely affected by COVID lockdown with loss of school and school interactions, and many were set back significantly educationally.

Regretsmorethanafew · 16/03/2025 12:30

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:17

I'm not over reacting just stating my opinion. I think DD is 11 and losing school days at this age can have a profound impact on educational outcomes. That's all.

Lol. Hilarious

AllyDally · 16/03/2025 12:31

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:26

I would suggest that COVID, Flu etc can't be avoided where as a holiday can. Also poor example by you as children were hugely affected by COVID lockdown with loss of school and school interactions, and many were set back significantly educationally.

Not a poor example, an example to show that missing time off school isnt always disastrous. I quite clearly said in some circumstances it is detrimental and for some children it will be. Not your business but the OP obviously felt it was appropriate and will have minimal effect on her DC.

5 days off for flu or 5 days off for holiday, makes no difference to the outcome. Things happen, it doesn't always have a terrible effect on people's future, you have spectacularly missed the point of the OP and brought something totally irrelevant to the thread. I didnt take my DC out for holidays, in hindsight I really wish I had, we have had missed experiences that cant be made up as I didnt want to take them out for the odd few days. I actually really regret that. Life is too short.

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:34

AllyDally · 16/03/2025 12:31

Not a poor example, an example to show that missing time off school isnt always disastrous. I quite clearly said in some circumstances it is detrimental and for some children it will be. Not your business but the OP obviously felt it was appropriate and will have minimal effect on her DC.

5 days off for flu or 5 days off for holiday, makes no difference to the outcome. Things happen, it doesn't always have a terrible effect on people's future, you have spectacularly missed the point of the OP and brought something totally irrelevant to the thread. I didnt take my DC out for holidays, in hindsight I really wish I had, we have had missed experiences that cant be made up as I didnt want to take them out for the odd few days. I actually really regret that. Life is too short.

It pretty much is a poor example, if the example given for time off school had a huge educational and developmental impact on school children! 😂

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 12:35

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:17

I'm not over reacting just stating my opinion. I think DD is 11 and losing school days at this age can have a profound impact on educational outcomes. That's all.

Stating your opinion

again
and
again

when not even asked for it!

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:36

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 12:35

Stating your opinion

again
and
again

when not even asked for it!

I've been inundated with requests for it! You'll have to go to the back of the queue sadly.

AllyDally · 16/03/2025 12:37

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:34

It pretty much is a poor example, if the example given for time off school had a huge educational and developmental impact on school children! 😂

You are absolutely full of shit IMO. Open your mind and expand your thinking. That's the sort of thing you learn in the real world and having a wide range of experiences.

I did not say lockdown did not have an effect, my first example was not about lockdown and I clearly said missing school can have an effect but you keep to your narrow minded thinking, fortunately you are pretty much the only one on here.

SuperTrooper14 · 16/03/2025 12:40

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:17

I'm not over reacting just stating my opinion. I think DD is 11 and losing school days at this age can have a profound impact on educational outcomes. That's all.

But it's five days! You're reacting as thought it's five months and her entire future is ruined.

Codlingmoths · 16/03/2025 12:41

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:17

I'm not over reacting just stating my opinion. I think DD is 11 and losing school days at this age can have a profound impact on educational outcomes. That's all.

Absolute total rubbish. That’s all. The op has given quite enough information to make it clear that losing school days will have no impact for her daughter, so talking about the specific examples where it does impact people are totally irrelevant to the thread. I might as well talk about my knitting for all it applies to the op. Or that I missed two entire weeks of school off sick right before my O level exams and the exam for one A level subject I was doing (different system I’m using O & A as equivalents) and i did very very well.

thehormonesareraging · 16/03/2025 12:46

*To folk asking what his good qualities are:

  1. never raises his voice or gets violent with me*

Mate, your bar is so low its lying on the ground

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 12:47

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:36

I've been inundated with requests for it! You'll have to go to the back of the queue sadly.

Did you get a lot of “doesn’t pay attention in class” comments?

Bogginsthe3rd · 16/03/2025 12:49

Bitofanchange · 16/03/2025 12:47

Did you get a lot of “doesn’t pay attention in class” comments?

Mainly, "wonderful attendance record".

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