Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
staceyflack · 16/03/2025 00:29

Obviously I don't know you... but woman to woman, I am so fkg proud of you 👏 🥰 xxx

AuntAgathaGregson · 16/03/2025 01:08

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

Tell him that (a) you can't back him up when he's so obviously in the wrong and (b) backing up goes two ways: you needed his backup with two children on the plane but he and only he managed to make that impossible.

PeepDeBeaul · 16/03/2025 01:16

Do remind him that actions have consequences...

overpack against your advice and be abusive towards staff = missing the flight and paying for another at his expense.

Embarrassing you and destroying an 11 year olds holiday= you and they getting on the plane without him.

Turning it around so it's somehow your fault, destroying your holiday and giving you grief over his mistakes...well you need to decide the consequence for that.

Do not let him get away with thinking that you are in any way responsible for his behaviour or the consequences of it. And do not for one second believe him...never take advice from the other party.

He made his own bed, you just tucked him in!

ElizaDolittle4321 · 16/03/2025 01:22

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:29

Yes my strategy when he arrives is to not berate him, my kids and their holiday come first. DD has had enough crap going on in her life recently involving her biological father’s family drama. As much as I’m pissed off at him at the moment I think I’m going to grin and bear it and act happy to see him. I can tolerate him so long as he doesn’t stir up more drama

act happy to see him.

So reward him? Why do women debase ourselves like this? No you don't need to act angry, but there is surely a medium between being angry with him and acting happy to see him? If he sees you happy to see him he will get the notion that you aren't unhappy with what he did, he will feel vindicated and free to keep doing it. I'd think acting neutral would be better.

RecklessGoddess · 16/03/2025 02:01

Shame on him for acting like an entitled child, well done you for still going and putting your kids first! 👏👏👏

ByWaryCrab · 16/03/2025 02:27

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:09

I still want to try and enjoy tonight but it's DS's nap time, hence why I'm in the hotel room on MN!

You had a perfect right to go. I’m sorry this has happened to you but try really hard to enjoy your break. If he moans when he arrives just ask him to stop, you don’t have long on hols etc, you don’t want to discuss it, relive the embarrassment or upset the kids. Just tell him you don’t ever want to talk about it again. Stick to you guns and have lots of fun, spontaneous remember. I’m wishing you a great week.

Ellebell123 · 16/03/2025 03:00

This reply has been deleted

This message has been deleted at OPs request.

Ellebell123 · 16/03/2025 03:08

This reply has been deleted

This message has been deleted at OPs request.

ByWaryCrab · 16/03/2025 03:12

This reply has been deleted

This message has been deleted at OPs request.

When you’ve finished typing press preview before post. There are a few editing options there.

Ellebell123 · 16/03/2025 03:38

This reply has been deleted

This message has been deleted at OPs request.

Pingu32 · 16/03/2025 04:47

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 16:34

YUBU for taking your daughter out of school in terms time. Selfish.

Mmmm - YUBU? Terms time? I take it you were taken out of school regularly?

MrsCatE · 16/03/2025 05:13

Yes, you were right 👏 👏 👏 - re Thread title - succinct! Please don't let him ruin your holiday and hope you have the best time with your kids!

Aim4Lesscortisol · 16/03/2025 05:42

Sending with kindness - you say you are sensing potential ASD issues around food with your DS , could this be what happened when your DH got upset and insistent about swapping egg out for sausage ? There can be a link between father and son being potentially ASD and it might explain DHs non flexibility issues ? Hopefully it feels less hurtful to you personally if that is the case and you can focus around coping methods - look at FIL and MILs behaviours for clues too and question yourself less

HomeTheatreSystem · 16/03/2025 05:49

Aim4Lesscortisol · 16/03/2025 05:42

Sending with kindness - you say you are sensing potential ASD issues around food with your DS , could this be what happened when your DH got upset and insistent about swapping egg out for sausage ? There can be a link between father and son being potentially ASD and it might explain DHs non flexibility issues ? Hopefully it feels less hurtful to you personally if that is the case and you can focus around coping methods - look at FIL and MILs behaviours for clues too and question yourself less

I think you may have posted on the wrong thread.

grinchalicious · 16/03/2025 05:56

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable, it's his own damn fault he was stopped from travelling, and being abusive to the staff is just disgusting - they aren't there to be abused, so good on them for not allowing him to pay the fine. Don't let him put this on you OP, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Your daughter would have been devastated if you didn't go, and she shouldn't have seen her father abusing airport staff. He sounds like a very selfish person, and quite childish too.

Edited to add - I hope you enjoy your holiday! 🏖️

grinchalicious · 16/03/2025 06:00

TheShadowOfTheWizard · 14/03/2025 16:11

Just tell him not to bother coming. He sounds like a right dick.

I second this!

You'll have a better time without him.

sashh · 16/03/2025 06:02

Looking forward tot he update OP glad you and the children are enjoying it.

Onthepage · 16/03/2025 06:19

Don’t check if his flight home is cancelled, if he does come out hopefully he won’t get home and you can have a bit more peace without him. Then tell him to buggar off and don’t come back until he’s had a personality transplant Knob!
Try and enjoy the rest of your holiday with your children.
Wishing you the very best.

SheridansPortSalut · 16/03/2025 06:28

There are a few things that you've said about your dh that remind me a lot of my ASD bil. Given that you've said that you have an asd child together it might be worth considering it as a possibility. Emotional disregulation can cause bil to appear to be very rude for no obvious reason.

Lovehascomeandgone · 16/03/2025 06:38

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 14:28

He’s flying now, took off around 2pm. Any attempts to to speak over the phone have been shut down with “We’ll speak when I get there”. The kids are having a blast so I’m trying not to think about him until he is due to get here which will be a couple of hours yet

@AskingForTacos any response from me to his ranting, complaining etc would be met by silence and ‘that’s below my standard for a response, we will discuss when we are back home’. I would not let his behaviour impact the first sun holiday you have managed to have. What an emotionally abuse arsehole he is!

chaosmaker · 16/03/2025 06:53

@AskingForTacos you can point out that had you done what he'd said then you'd all have wasted most of 2 days and had to wait around with small children which wouldn't have been fair given that it was a problem of his own making and attitude.

Have a lovely holiday.

Eldermilleniallyogii · 16/03/2025 06:55

Just ignore him. If he moans I'd just tell him you don't want to hear more about it and it's ridiculous if he wanted you all to have to buy new flights or "DD let's go to the pool"

Glittercloud17 · 16/03/2025 07:09

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

Let us know how it went when he arrived

Daisydiary · 16/03/2025 07:14

Why not just tell the hotel staff that you’ve separated and you don’t want him in the room with you?

AchNo · 16/03/2025 07:18

I hope he's not too mardy, OP - update if you can!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.