To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

He sounds like a tw@t just look at the example he is setting his children. Just imagine how your DS is going to treat people if your DH is his example. Does he treat male and female service staff the same?

I am sorry, OP. But these are basically breadcrumbs. This is not even the bare minimum of the behavior you can expect from a boyfriend, let alone a husband.

Hope it went well last night.

Keep up the good work today. If he starts today, remind him you were happy there without him and it’s his choice to enjoy it with you as your partner or make other plans without you if not.

Also if he kicks off at staff I would be doing the “ really, again? That worked well at the airport” and walk off. He’s not 3. You can leave him temper tantruming by himself.

Put up with whats to come but tell him he's an embarrassment, bad example to his family. If he carries on moaning suggest you spend your time apart as the holiday is for you and your children, his choice.
what a stupid person he sounds,

Op, I hope you're ok. And not being subjected to any horrible behaviour

I would give him time alone to unpack when he arrives. Go off and do what you e been doing . Everyone is tired and needs to settle on arrival. You don’t need to be involved. I’d say hi and say what you’re going. To do and he can join when he’s ready to be pleasant. Walk away.

Good for Ryanair-I think they have done you a favour here by clearly demonstrating that abusive behaviour will not be tolerated.
I don’t understand why people take cheap flights and then like entitled first class passengers from the 1930s.

We had a trip planned to London with activities arranged . The night before DP had a paddy and said he wasn’t coming . I gave him chance to come in the morning and he refused . He was incensed we went without him but I wasn’t going to waste all that money . There was a bit of a cloud over the trip wondering what we would return to but we had a good time . Needless to say he is now my ex . Well done OP

Yes please keep us updated OP, hope you and your children are ok 🙏🏻

Hope you and DC are having Lovely time ☺️

Do you miss him, or are you breathing a sigh of relief that he's not there?

OP's DH flew out yesterday afternoon. She's not updated since he arrived.

Hope she is ok.

I hope you are ok and him getting all angry at the airport and with the delays has not resulted in him finally behaving as he is with you.

I hope very much that you are safe and your kids have not seen an horrible version of their dad verbally or physically abusing their mum.

Your husband had a paddy, did he?

From Reddit:

Do you use the expression "Throwing a Paddy" and are you aware of its origins?

This has blown up today on twitter due to the BBC using the term in a blog post about Ronaldo. Do you use the expression and are you aware of where it comes from? Do you care?

Throwing a paddy

A dated and offensive expression generally used by English people to describe someone having an over the top strop.

Offensively refers to Irish people as "paddys" and their "over the top sulking" when it came to the English stealing Irish land, pillaging and their refusal to grant the Irish their independence for a long time.
It implies unreasonableness, obstinacy and an inability to control the temper (which go nicely with drunkeness and violence of course).

Outdated expression thats up there with the likes of "working like a black"

You're a little bit late to the party. He's already landed and probably there now

@Pingu32 you know that this is an opinion forum and that posters are entitled to their own view, even if it doesn’t align with yours? Calling someone out on their spelling or grammar is totally crass and says more about you than them.

So depressing how men like this manage to hoodwink women into marrying and reproducing with them.
Please look after yourself and your children OP. This "man" is not normal.

@Bogginsthe3rd

I grew up with a father like this. Constantly walking on eggshells to not cause an upset, days out and holidays ruined or, at the very least, made uncomfortable and stressful. If we were doing what he wanted he was all sweetness and light but he could never understand the need to do what other members of the family might want to do and (at least pretend to) enjoy it. It affected my whole childhood and it still affects me in my relationship now, even though my husband is completely different - it’s so programmed in to my psyche.
In retrospect, he’s probably ASD - my sister was diagnosed as an adult - but that doesn’t make it any better to live with as a child. He’s much easier to relate to now I’m an adult, and I can understand that it probably is neurodivergence rather than pure selfishness, but I’ll never have the relationship with him that I do with my mum. I know that he fundamentally cares about my well-being, but I also know that I can’t be myself around him and nor can my kids - the guards are always up - and that means it’s more like a relationship with a distant family member.

I would aim to do some holidays separately, at the very least, because he doesn’t want to be there and it will ruin these precious experiences but to be honest with you, seeing him behave this way regularly will damage your children. Only you can decide whether that damage is less than the damage of leaving him.

I really hope you and the DC have a lovely holiday OP.

But I’d be telling up I’m utterly ashamed and humiliated by him and if he mentions it one time we are through. Tbh, I’d have said don’t bother coming. He was the one who behaved disgracefully - how dare he be criticising you!

You do realise with the cost of the additional flights there is no way that if you had backed him up and not flown that you would have all got on a plane with him the next day - he would have said it wasn’t affordable.

As to him being well travelled - my arse. Do you know this to be true? Anyone who is well travelled would a) know not to do that with the bag esp not on Ryanair and b) not to speak to airport staff like that. What a dick. Sorry for you and your kids

He was totally in the wrong. You were totally in the right. This is about you and Dd enjoying this massively well deserved holiday now though. That’s all that counts for the next week. Dh is going to continue to be a massive twat. You can bet your life on this. It will very easily ruin the holiday for you. This cannot be allowed to happen at all costs. It is far too big a deal. First holiday away for you and Dd and who knows when you’ll get to go away again! The Dh will need to be ‘managed’. Humour humour humour. Say whatever you need to in order to passify and shut the PITA up for this week. Nothing is more important than this. Do whatever it takes. Once you are on the plane home though you can properly tell him what a bloody nightmare he’s been and how you won’t go with him again if he doesn’t shape up. For your own sake though you must save it up until then. This holiday is about you and the children now. He just needs to be ‘put on hold’ until after you’ve had a delightful, restful, joyous first trip abroad. Hopefully the first of many for you and your children. Have the time of your life Op. Remember though - manage the Dh on humouring mode until it’s less of an intrusion on your own personal time and enjoyment. Once you’re home amongst your family and friends you’re in a far better position to walk out on the inevitable sulking and spoilt brattishness you’ll get from him when he hears your true feelings. A shared hotel family room is the last place on earth for such a shit show though. Men can be real twats - worse than kids.

When she said well travelled it sounds like he just went on a few yobbish lads holidays/stags in his 20s. Not exactly Ben Fogle territory…

This... Absolutely this!!

I have a feeling things didn't go well when he arrived. I hope it's not too awful and you can get some space from him when needed. Ideally he'd bugger off home and leave you and the kids to carry on enjoying the holiday as you were before he got there! This must feel like quite a big wake up call, seeing how happy you all were without him