To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

Hope he doesn’t spoil the rest of the time for you. When you get back I would give some serious thought to the fact you have preferred him not being there.

The thing that immediately comes to my mind is that the behaviour in the airport is the true personality coming out like a volcanic eruption, normally hidden by a charming mask. The charming mask is what draws a woman into a relationship, the explosive eruption is what they get when he thinks he has her for life. Next time it might be the OP that triggers the eruption and what happens behind closed doors where there is no higher authority to regulate like there (often) is in a public place?

I’ve actually got my fingers crossed he doesn’t turn up OP, it doesn’t sound like he’s going to enrich your holiday.

God, I feel exhausted just reading what he’s like. It sounds so depressing.

Once the kids are in bed, I’d have a word. Let him know this is a line in the sand moment. He either stops moaning at everyone, or you will have to reassess the relationship .

I was wondering whether the kids had such a good day today because they were abroad, or whether it was because they knew fragile masculinity wasn't there to wreck it.

There's much more than one type of abuse. It's not just physical. There as an entire list of abuse. This is emotional, manipulative, intimidating, coercive, and gaslighting abuse. It's up to you what you do with that information. This wouldn't be good enough standards for my children.

Wrong thread.... 😂

Only 2 is a good one. The others you list all have a "but" as the second half.

Laughed because you had the passports, spending money, paperwork and a stress free time away! Glad you enjoyed it

Hope you are OK op

Well done! Keep your head up and do not let him blame you. He got exactly what he deserved and should count himself lucky his behavior wasn’t recorded and now viral on media!

You are not unreasonable, he acted like total arse, airport staff just doing their job and don't deserve abuse, I would look at this as warning he obviously thinks rules don't apply to him and he is special and what a bad example is he setting to your child

But had you backed him then you would be condoning his behaviour, where does he get off asking you to also being a twat!

I'd be asking for a sincere apology for his behaviour as without that does he know what he did wrong to you, your children and all of the airport staff he came in contact with?

In the end I sincerely hope you all (twat DH as well) have a wonderful holiday 🌸

Hope you're ok OP

Well done for leaving him at the airport. I recommend leaving him every single time he behaves like this. Walk out of shops, restaurants, wherever it happens. Maybe he’ll learn not to do it. If he doesn’t then I recommend leaving him full stop.

HE was abusive to staff and had the nerve to call YOU a cow? It sounds like he's verbally abusive all around. I would tell him not to come at all, would enjoy a lovely holiday with the kids, and call a divorce lawyer when I got home. If you allow this kid of behaviour from him, your sweet little boy will be calling you future daughter-in-law a cow as well and your future son-in-law will do the same to your daughter.

If you let him get away with his behaviour then he will get worse. I was married for 17 years to an coersive abusive then voilent man it started with little things then kept pushing it. When I eventually got up courage to leave him he hid in bushes, bugged my bedroom and threatened me every night.

Bright green poet you are totally right

Hope you are OK OP.
Genuinely worried he is going to show up & just start giving you tons of grief.

What i say to my DH when he's a twat is..I'm your wife, I'm here to support you to be the best you can be and love you..im not an enabler to indulge your inner yob :) sometimes what you see as cruel is to be kind 😘

You are a queen & I love this!!! You are exactly the type of person some of us women on MN aspire to be like.

im just sorry he’s going to be joining you tomorrow.

These are not great qualities "I'm not frightened of him" these are called being a normal human being. Set yourself a higher bar. Your poor children watching their father figure be embarrassed when he humiliates waiters and airline staff.
Your DD definitely would notice, whatever you think.
Please don't make your children
think that this is acceptable behaviour.

You said you were on edge and worried about him coming out next day, that is no way to live, partnerships are built on mutual love and respect, supporting each other. Bet you always feel like you walking on eggshells don't waste anymore of your life on someone so selfish.

I hope you're ok @AskingForTacos

I hope you have time to reflect that so much of his behaviour is just awfully wrong. As others have pointed out it’s a very low bar not being frightened of him. But it’s also awful to be in his company when he abuses waiting staff and others. Do you really want your children growing up witnessing all of this behaviour?

It is also very telling that he expected you and the children to forgo your flight and first day of the holiday to show your support for him when he had behaved appallingly to such an extent he was refused boarding on a flight.

I simply cannot understand how you can wish to have a relationship with someone who behaves so badly. Every time he berates serving staff and others and demonstrates that he’s not a nice person, how can you stand by him? What type of message is this giving to your children? How can you sit there with others looking at him thinking what an absolute unpleasant arsehole and judging you alongside him?

I hope your holiday is nice as you deserve it, but it’s really not a good place to be wishing that he wasn’t coming.

Please take stock of the situation and really open your eyes to the type of person he is.