To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

Would have left and told him not too bother joining.

Both DH and me have worked in service industries in the past and if he EVER berated someone for something that was out of their control, we would not be married now.

I had a boyfriend once who did this for something pathetic. (pushed a cafetiere knob down too quickly for him!) I finished it there and then on the spot. There is no excuse. Yes, bad service has to be called out but not when it's rules like luggage which the person on the desk can't change. I just hate anything like this.

Well done you. You sound intelligent and sensible and he sounds like a yob. I'm sure he has his moments (or you wouldn't be with him), but that does not make up for this kind of behaviour. Hold your ground. And dare to believe there is bigger and better things out there - this could be a better man, but, being single really has it's advantages too. Most of all, concentrate on enjoying this much deserved holiday for you and your DD. Wishing you the best of times <3

Good luck when he arrives OP!

Totally agree with the other posters. You did the right thing. The fact that he's still moaning means he's learnt nothing and will not back down even when he's made a dick of himself in front of his family and many others. This won't be your last disagreement so prepare yourself for a similar outcome. I personally would not want to spend my holiday with him unless he apologises beforehand. Put him to the back of you mind and enjoy your day without him.

I agree. Well done you for going on your own without him.

I would also add to ignore the ridiculous comments about missing school. My kids missed school occasionally over the years for holidays (before fines) both have good degrees, good jobs, amazing partners and children, oh and also great memories of those holidays. The teaching unions today have been advocating dropping these fines, they don't work and don't affect attendance that badly because it's not holidays responsible for the majority of absences.

OP lets hope he doesn’t ruin it for you all.Deal with him when you get home..

Also agree with others on the holiday point. My son came out of school regularly in term time. We tend to book late and we always took a view as parents on whether he was emotionally settled and stable at school (friendships, enjoyment etc) and academically settled. More often than not he was both and we went to some fabulous places. I work in tourism so school holidays were never an option for me and he’d have never gone away otherwise.

He is definitely better for it. He’s 21 now, straight A student at school, now on a highly academic degree. But he’s had lovely holidays with grandparents and us (and is now wonderfully loving of my aging MIL), has learnt about amazing places and had his own particular interests thorough indulged on holidays.

Interestingly, his path has led him to veterinary which is unsurprising really given all the lizards, snakes, tortoises, donkey sanctuaries, octopi, starfish, spiders, mantids, geckos etc etc etc (!) holidays have revolved around!

Fingers crossed for you OP 🤞

I agree with previous posters that he didn't want to go on this holiday and is inclined to sabotage it for you because he isn't getting all his own way.
Honestly, I think you should get out of this relationship before you've wasted 20 odd years and he's ruined your dc childhood!

I think that when you wake up and start to 'see' what a person is truly like, you can't 'unsee' it (nor should you) and the relationship is dead in the water.

The bar is low is if these are “good qualities” you should expect this all and more

And there's rarely a reason to start off at 100.

@AskingForTacos now you know you can do a holiday abroad without him. You can do it again. Remember this.

He behaved very badly and is now trying to absolve himself by deflecting onto you. It would be ridiculous to pay for addional flights, especially as he created this mess because he wouldn't pay a small luggage surcharge. His mess, don't take any blame.

He should be with you know by this reckoning - crossing all my fingers that he sincerely apologises for being such a twat and jeopardising your kids’ first holiday abroad. And he then takes you all out for super-late night icecream,

PS: That is the most basic expectation for behaviour in these circumstances. If he can’t even manage that, he’s a miserable git who sounds like he makes you miserable too.

Is he ASD too op? He sounds like he may be anxious and therefore becomes obnoxious to service staff to compensate for how he feels? With you having a possible ASD child with him it just raises the question? Hope you do manage to have a good holiday xx

Just tell him as the parent to a daughter if a man his age spoke to her the way he spoke to the lady for doing her job, you would have done far worse than get on the plane. He needs to understand that as parents we set an example to our kids of what is acceptable behaviour and he needs to apologise to the kids for how he acted so they know its not OK for a man to treat them that way.

Irrespective of everything else, his abhorrent treatment of 'service' staff would be the nail in the coffin for me @AskingForTacos. He sounds like a hideous human being.

I agree. That's me. That's my DCs who have had part time jobs doing service jobs

He found out

@AskingForTacos Wonderful username 🥰🌮🌮

Why would you be united with him calling someone a bitch for doing her job?!

Please show him this! What an arsehole.

He's frugal but wanted all of you to pay for another lot of flights unnecessarily?!

I think you did super! Well done. I hope he doesn’t come and you have a lovely time away… you ok to cope with the kids alone? If so, you are my hero twice over :)

When he gets there and complains about the busses, you smile brightly and say imagine how much ds would have struggled with that, good thing the rest of us caught the original flight!

I am going along with your plan to not kick off. I hope that works for you.