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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
ERthree · 15/03/2025 15:26

OP i am sat here dreading your twunt of a husband arriving at the hotel, god only knows how you must be feeling. The very fact the children are having the best time ever, tells you everything you need to know. Your condescending git drains the joy out of everyone's life.
I really hope you enjoy your first (and not last) overseas holiday.x

murasaki · 15/03/2025 15:26

I'd be tempted to take the kids outside the hotel complex for a walk and an ice cream or something, slightly before his arrival so he doesn't get the welcoming committee he is no doubt expecting.

AmandaHoldensLips · 15/03/2025 15:28

If he spoils your holiday I would be ripping up his passport and shoving it in the nearest bin.

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:29

Yes my strategy when he arrives is to not berate him, my kids and their holiday come first. DD has had enough crap going on in her life recently involving her biological father’s family drama. As much as I’m pissed off at him at the moment I think I’m going to grin and bear it and act happy to see him. I can tolerate him so long as he doesn’t stir up more drama

OP posts:
murasaki · 15/03/2025 15:31

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:29

Yes my strategy when he arrives is to not berate him, my kids and their holiday come first. DD has had enough crap going on in her life recently involving her biological father’s family drama. As much as I’m pissed off at him at the moment I think I’m going to grin and bear it and act happy to see him. I can tolerate him so long as he doesn’t stir up more drama

That's sensible. But if the kids are doing things by the pool when he arrives, I'd wait for him to come to you, not meet him in reception. Hopefully if he sees them having fun it might stop him bringing it up.

PistachioPineapple · 15/03/2025 15:32

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:29

Yes my strategy when he arrives is to not berate him, my kids and their holiday come first. DD has had enough crap going on in her life recently involving her biological father’s family drama. As much as I’m pissed off at him at the moment I think I’m going to grin and bear it and act happy to see him. I can tolerate him so long as he doesn’t stir up more drama

He sounds like someone who will be desperate to prove he was right - not just about the bag and his horrible abuse of the staff, but right that it's not worth going abroad just like he said - and he'll do his best to ruin it for you and your daughter. He'll complain about the food, the facilities, the weather, anything and everything he can just to make his point that he knew better all along. Even though the only thing spoiling any of the holiday is him and his revolting attitude. I hope he reins it in or that you all manage to ignore him.

ExitPursuedByABare · 15/03/2025 15:34

Just remember how much you are enjoying it now, before he arrives.

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:36

PistachioPineapple · 15/03/2025 15:32

He sounds like someone who will be desperate to prove he was right - not just about the bag and his horrible abuse of the staff, but right that it's not worth going abroad just like he said - and he'll do his best to ruin it for you and your daughter. He'll complain about the food, the facilities, the weather, anything and everything he can just to make his point that he knew better all along. Even though the only thing spoiling any of the holiday is him and his revolting attitude. I hope he reins it in or that you all manage to ignore him.

Yes this is what I’m dreading unfortunately

OP posts:
AlmosttimeforChristmas · 15/03/2025 15:36

The only sensible thing to do in the situation yesterday was for the three of you to fly first and fourth to follow. Why pay for 4 new flights instead of 3? Crazy. I’ve RTFT

Seriouslynonono · 15/03/2025 15:37

I just have a horrible feeling he's going to turn up seething and is going to do everything he can to sabotage the holiday and make it miserable because he didn't want to go in the first place.

If he does this, perhaps have a plan as it's just not fair on you or the children.

Debtfreegoals · 15/03/2025 15:38

Don’t let him make you believe you’re a cow or it’s your fault. He sounds like a piece of shit OP

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:41

AlmosttimeforChristmas · 15/03/2025 15:36

The only sensible thing to do in the situation yesterday was for the three of you to fly first and fourth to follow. Why pay for 4 new flights instead of 3? Crazy. I’ve RTFT

I still don’t get that logic from him. I also tried to point out that if we all booked other flights then he’d only end up putting more money in the “bastard Ryanair’s” pockets. I humiliated him and that’s his issue

OP posts:
CoffeeFoam · 15/03/2025 15:43

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:41

I still don’t get that logic from him. I also tried to point out that if we all booked other flights then he’d only end up putting more money in the “bastard Ryanair’s” pockets. I humiliated him and that’s his issue

He humiliated himself, you watched on in horror

CanOfMangoTango · 15/03/2025 15:47

CoffeeFoam · 15/03/2025 15:43

He humiliated himself, you watched on in horror

Yeah, this.

I hope his arrival doesn't spoil the rest of the holiday.

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:48

To folk asking what his good qualities are:

  1. never raises his voice or gets violent with me (but does raise his voice at service staff which I hate) I’ve never been frightened by him. Irritated and pissed off yes, never frightened.
  2. generally good relationship with DD (doing the school run, making her laugh, supporting with hobbies and homework etc) and stepped up when her biological father got into a relationship and started being a knob about seeing her
  3. never had any issues stepping up as a father when I unexpectedly got pregnant with ds. He found the pregnancy stressful and there were incidents where he stressed me out when I had scans, but overall he loved having a baby and was helpful
  4. played a charmer for the first couple of years of the relationship and only started the moaning and complaining after this time
this isn’t me defending him, he’s a knob. Just some context
OP posts:
Movinghouseatlast · 15/03/2025 15:51

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:48

To folk asking what his good qualities are:

  1. never raises his voice or gets violent with me (but does raise his voice at service staff which I hate) I’ve never been frightened by him. Irritated and pissed off yes, never frightened.
  2. generally good relationship with DD (doing the school run, making her laugh, supporting with hobbies and homework etc) and stepped up when her biological father got into a relationship and started being a knob about seeing her
  3. never had any issues stepping up as a father when I unexpectedly got pregnant with ds. He found the pregnancy stressful and there were incidents where he stressed me out when I had scans, but overall he loved having a baby and was helpful
  4. played a charmer for the first couple of years of the relationship and only started the moaning and complaining after this time
this isn’t me defending him, he’s a knob. Just some context
Edited

Mate, these things are bare minimum in a partner, not good qualities.

Specso · 15/03/2025 15:52

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:48

To folk asking what his good qualities are:

  1. never raises his voice or gets violent with me (but does raise his voice at service staff which I hate) I’ve never been frightened by him. Irritated and pissed off yes, never frightened.
  2. generally good relationship with DD (doing the school run, making her laugh, supporting with hobbies and homework etc) and stepped up when her biological father got into a relationship and started being a knob about seeing her
  3. never had any issues stepping up as a father when I unexpectedly got pregnant with ds. He found the pregnancy stressful and there were incidents where he stressed me out when I had scans, but overall he loved having a baby and was helpful
  4. played a charmer for the first couple of years of the relationship and only started the moaning and complaining after this time
this isn’t me defending him, he’s a knob. Just some context
Edited

This is a short list and most of those are basic bare minimum qualities rather than good ones 😔

I really hope he doesn’t spoil the holiday for you and the children when he arrives op.

Ohnobackagain · 15/03/2025 15:54

@AskingForTacos you did not humiliate him. He, on the other hand, humiliated you, the airline staff, your kids and himself.

You don’t only have to discuss this when he wants - you can tell him you want to focus on having a lovely holiday and anything else can wait.

He is an arse.

BruceAndNosh · 15/03/2025 15:56

If he starts whining about the food, stop him right there. Your son is trying new foods and the last thing you want is Daddy saying that it's yucky

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:57

Right logging off again now to take kids for a walk. Because the knob missed the original flight his transfers are all buggered up so he’ll be trekking from the airport to the hotel on several public transport buses 😂 He won’t get here until 9pm UK time lol.

OP posts:
stampin · 15/03/2025 15:59
Grin
ExitPursuedByABare · 15/03/2025 16:00

Imagine if you’d all had to do that.

Youllnevergetabetterbitofbutteronyourknife · 15/03/2025 16:01

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy! 😂

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 16:01

ExitPursuedByABare · 15/03/2025 16:00

Imagine if you’d all had to do that.

I know, with an ASD 2 year old as well.

OP posts:
Iknowaboutpopular · 15/03/2025 16:03

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:57

Right logging off again now to take kids for a walk. Because the knob missed the original flight his transfers are all buggered up so he’ll be trekking from the airport to the hotel on several public transport buses 😂 He won’t get here until 9pm UK time lol.

Edited

That's made me so happy 😁

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