To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

I've been with my DH more than 2 decades and he has never called any female staff a "bitch" ever. He has been stopped in airports several times and we've had a new £10 kids suncream tipped away.

That alone would make me reconsider staying married to this man. There are 3.5 billion more fish in the sea. You and your children might be happier apart from him.

omg missed his flight! He will be a proper mardy arse by the time he gets there later! Keep us informed op! In the meantime, enjoy your last hours of peace with the kids!

Not being physically abusive or frightening is a pretty low bar!

Plus sometimes abuse develops very subtly over years. It took 4 years for my ex DH to become physical. Either way the man sounds like a twat. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who treats waiting staff and airport staff like shit.

You've got time for a lovely afternoon and another crack at the buffet before he arrives. Have at it!

Walk away from him if he does or at least don’t engage. The last thing this man needs is an audience.

Oh @AskingForTacos

Your bar is pitifully low. That’s not meant nastily, I was similar when younger. In my case due to my abusive childhood.

I hope these few days of peace and happiness with your children will help you to grow in confidence and see that you absolutely deserve better and can survive very well without him.

Like chaos theory. One thing affects another. He won't be in a happy place on his arrival.

Ok, so he wasn't allowed on the first flight and now he's missed the next one? No doubt this will all be someone else's fault. Dickhead.

Wonderful!!!! Serves him right. 😂😁🤣 But it's not going to improve his mood. Please don't let him ruin the rest of the holiday @AskingForTacos

NO - the transfer arrangements made for the flight yesterday, no longer apply for today's rearranged flight, which he has caught!

Calling a woman, not much more than a girl, a ‘bitch’ for something that he’d done wrong is just a giant red flag. If casual misogyny slips out so easily…

Just wanted to say well done OP for making that decision in what was probably a stressful and unpleasant situation, made worse by him.
I think you made the right choice for you and your children plus shows him if he wants to act like a twat he's on his own.

I noticed your comment about your daughter being the happiest you've ever seen her.
Is it the holiday or him not being there?

Calling a 20 yr old trying to do their job a bitch tells you all you need to know about the calibre of this man.

Not unreasonable at all.

When he arrives, he needs to apologise then drop the subject, and I wouldn't be letting him in the hotel room until he does.

Hello OP. I hope that you & your DCs have a lovely evening, enjoy a good relaxed meal in the buffet . I love that your DS is enjoying exploring new food & DD is having so much fun on her first holiday abroad. I suggest that you indulge in a couple of glasses of something nice before he arrives.

I would also suggest that, since the children are having such a good time, that you make plans to go abroad again in the very near future 😉

I took DS on a foreign holiday without my (now very ex) H. He didn't want to go abroad, didn't want to spend the money (I was willing to pay out of my earnings, not joint resources), thought foreign food might disagree with him, was worried about it being too hot (Turkey in early April - REALLY?) asked why we couldn't go self-catering in Cornwall as usual instead. He didn't cook & I wanted a break from cooking, also DS was 10 & in the last year of primary school, I wanted him to have the experience of foreign food, culture, history (Ephesus) etc. I booked for just DS & me to go leaving XH in UK to deal with having a new kitchen fitted as made sense to have new kitchen while we were away &, since XH didn't cook anyway, a working kitchen wouldn't be needed.

Boggins, If they have 1st class degrees then the lack of postgraduate degrees is by choice, not because of lack of ability.

I have postgraduate degrees and my parents took me on holiday during term time umpteen times (my father was in the CID and regularly had to give evidence in court so booking holidays abroad far in advance wasn't do-able). Didn't negatively impact my education. Or did it? Maybe I could've won a Nobel if only we hadn't had that week in Athens. 😂

That’s brilliant 😂
I bet he won’t ever eat humble pie and admit he was wrong though. I’m sure he will arrive and blame you, the airport staff and anyone else who he can find to blame except himself 😂

I would find it mortifyingly embarrassing to be with someone who raises their voice at "service staff." No need for this at all, issues can still be resolved without raised voices. What an awful position to put you in.
And he should know, if he actually is well travelled, that you get nowhere arguing with airport staff especially Ryanair.

And is NEVER going to get them to change their minds!

This - just rushed to type exactly this - “we’ll speak when we get home”!!

Enjoy the rest of this fabulous day with the kids having a blast until the showdown he will inevitably want - having been brewing & stewing about how he was wronged by everybody since yesterday morning.

Wow what a total idiot he is. He's spent more money than checking a suitcase on a new flight and then messes that up.
Not sure I'd want to be with this train wreck of a man.

Also many people work in hospitality or related jobs & is impossible to take holidays in school holidays. My maternal grandparents had a guest house in a seaside town and it was totally impossible for them to take their children on holiday during school holidays as was their busiest time of year & when they made their money. I took DS out of school twice for holidays when in Primary School, but, once he started Secondary School I didn't as his education was too important. He got so much as I factored in 'learning opportunities' such as giving him a task to learn certain words & phrases in the language of the country (eg: please, thank you, hello etc) that we were visiting, cultural excursions to historical sites, discovering different foods & keeping a diary to show when he returned to UK. He's now 30, so it was a long time ago, but fines were in operation then, but because I was able to present to the school how I was expanding his education, I was never fined. Also I remember that the school arranged term-time trips to go skiing (which he went on) what's the difference?

He achieved 9 GCSEs & 3 A 'levels & is now a senior officer in the Royal Navy so hasn't done so badly.

This is a very good point and well worth thinking about.