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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 15/03/2025 14:27

"He sounds like a fun sponge.
can’t just enjoy an experience has to make everyone suffer."

It sounds like he's actively working to sabotage enjoyable things for his family most of the time.

Too bad somebody didn't put him on TikTok. Maybe OP getting an objective viewpoint of just how awful he behaves would give her an impetus to make what sounds like a necessary life change.

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 14:28

He’s flying now, took off around 2pm. Any attempts to to speak over the phone have been shut down with “We’ll speak when I get there”. The kids are having a blast so I’m trying not to think about him until he is due to get here which will be a couple of hours yet

OP posts:
ArtTheClown · 15/03/2025 14:30

He'd better not rock up and berate you and ruin your holiday.

Bluenotgreen · 15/03/2025 14:34

He’s still coming then? How disappointing.

Don’t allow him to bully you.

legalseagull · 15/03/2025 14:36

“You’re here now and I’m not going to ruin mine and the kids our holiday arguing about it - we’re having a good time”

Loub1987 · 15/03/2025 14:37

Not usually one to say this on Mumsnet but LTB. He sounds awful!

You should definitely refused to talk about it when he gets there. He is holding that over your head to try to ruin the holiday for you. Tell him to sleep on the sofa or in another room.

Pootlemcsmootle · 15/03/2025 14:40

Bristollocalknowledge · 14/03/2025 16:11

So he isn’t physically abusive just emotionally abusive. You and your children deserve so much more than this.

I agree OP. This is horrible. Does he ever speak to you the same way as he spoke to the Ryanair employee? You shouldn't ever have to feel scared about seeing a partner. Also he created that entire awful situation for no reason, ruined an exciting occasion for no reason, got you scared for no reason, made DD cry her eyes out for no reason....etc. I couldn't be with a man like that.

LongDarkTeatime · 15/03/2025 14:45

Stay strong @AskingForTacos and make it clear that it was unacceptable for him to expect you and kids to miss out on holiday due to his unreasonable behaviour. The cost was on top of that. Don't give him wriggle room.
He needs to know anything less than a sincere apology shows lack of understanding about his behaviour and lack of respect for you and the DC.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/03/2025 14:50

"We'll speak when I get there"

To which I'd be replying . "We'll speak when we get home!"

Doesn't sound promising, or as if he's calmed down and got over the situation.
Unless he was really pressed for time, but even then. It's sort of employer talk.
Doesn't sound remorseful for creating such a scene, which from his previous comments, he decided was all your fault for not "backing him up" - as if that would have made any difference at all.

This is your much longed for holiday. He's already done his best to ruin it.

Don't let him spoil it by bullying you and airing his grievances.

Tell him if he can't behave himself - you won't be engaging with him.

If he flew out to have an argument. He can fly back.

murasaki · 15/03/2025 14:54

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 14:28

He’s flying now, took off around 2pm. Any attempts to to speak over the phone have been shut down with “We’ll speak when I get there”. The kids are having a blast so I’m trying not to think about him until he is due to get here which will be a couple of hours yet

That's a bit threatening isn't it.

I think it needs to be parked until you get back, and if you and the kids go off without him to enjoy the holiday while he sulks in the room, so be it. You and the kids deserve a good holiday.

ExitPursuedByABare · 15/03/2025 14:56

I hope you and the children are enjoying yourselves @AskingForTacos and that your DH doesn’t spoil things.

minipie · 15/03/2025 15:06

Christ I’m feeling sorry for you OP, you’re clearly expecting him to ruin the holiday with his complaints. What does that tell you??

Have you ever sat him down and told him this behaviour toward service staff is embarrassing for you and doesn’t make him look good? Not to mention causing actual issues like not being allowed on the plane. If you have, how did he respond?

I think if he brings up the airport mess you need to be clear that what happened was HIS fault. Not yours, not Ryanair’s. His. And make it clear you won’t listen to any complaints about the holiday or put up with him being vile to hotel staff.

Good luck

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:11

ExitPursuedByABare · 15/03/2025 14:56

I hope you and the children are enjoying yourselves @AskingForTacos and that your DH doesn’t spoil things.

yes we’re having fun so far. We were knackered yesterday so just raided the buffet then relaxed. Kids been enjoying pools etc today, DD is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She’s doing an archery game with other kids as we speak. DS enjoying the pool too and trying all sorts of new foods which is fab and makes me proud as he’s so picky at home (potential ASD)

ugh, I don’t even want DH to come

OP posts:
murasaki · 15/03/2025 15:14

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:11

yes we’re having fun so far. We were knackered yesterday so just raided the buffet then relaxed. Kids been enjoying pools etc today, DD is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She’s doing an archery game with other kids as we speak. DS enjoying the pool too and trying all sorts of new foods which is fab and makes me proud as he’s so picky at home (potential ASD)

ugh, I don’t even want DH to come

It all sounds lovely and that it's really benefiting the kids. Don't let him spoil it for you.

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:16

he didn’t really want to come abroad this year. When I first asked about a family holiday he wanted Butlins (which would’ve been barely cheaper than this holiday) but having never been abroad and with the kids never having been abroad either I was quite insistent it was either an abroad holiday, or waiting another year to save up even more FOR an abroad holiday. DD was desperate to go on a plane and spending the holiday cash on Butlins would have been money down the drain in my opinion.

DH did see my point and agree to go abroad
but there have been a few comments since about how going abroad isn’t all that, not a fan of the food, can’t be arsed flying etc etc. it pissed me off as he’s been on holiday loads in his 20s and had lads trips all over Europe and breaks with his ex girlfriend etc. just because he’s done something 20 times doesn’t mean me and DD’s desire to do it once should be forgotten

OP posts:
MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 15/03/2025 15:16

I hope you have a lovely holiday. If he does arrive and ruins it I would honestly reconsider my future with him. Life’s too short to be miserable or live with a misery!

Zanzara · 15/03/2025 15:17

Oh dear OP, I do feel for you. So lovely that your kids are having fun though. 💕

Dare we open a book on how long it will be before "D"H gets slung out the hotel?

BunnyLake · 15/03/2025 15:18

Make sure you stand your ground. There are no apologies you need to offer. He is the one who has been in the wrong on all counts. Make sure he knows you're not putting up with his crap!

murasaki · 15/03/2025 15:19

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:16

he didn’t really want to come abroad this year. When I first asked about a family holiday he wanted Butlins (which would’ve been barely cheaper than this holiday) but having never been abroad and with the kids never having been abroad either I was quite insistent it was either an abroad holiday, or waiting another year to save up even more FOR an abroad holiday. DD was desperate to go on a plane and spending the holiday cash on Butlins would have been money down the drain in my opinion.

DH did see my point and agree to go abroad
but there have been a few comments since about how going abroad isn’t all that, not a fan of the food, can’t be arsed flying etc etc. it pissed me off as he’s been on holiday loads in his 20s and had lads trips all over Europe and breaks with his ex girlfriend etc. just because he’s done something 20 times doesn’t mean me and DD’s desire to do it once should be forgotten

Edited

Ah, so it sounds as if he actually tried to sabotage it. And was most furious when you got on the plane and didn't play ball.

BunnyLake · 15/03/2025 15:20

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 15/03/2025 15:16

I hope you have a lovely holiday. If he does arrive and ruins it I would honestly reconsider my future with him. Life’s too short to be miserable or live with a misery!

I agree. And although you don’t need a reason to divorce nowadays I’d still be putting irreconcilable differences.

AskingForTacos · 15/03/2025 15:22

Yes we could’ve saved a few hundred doing Butlins like he suggested but it would’ve been crap. False economy, the saved money would have been counteracted by the fact that I’d still spent money on a holiday we didn’t actually want and I’d still have a kid asking to go abroad. We’re not on the breadline and have healthy finances due to our hard work the last few years.

My DD had cried several times about how she’s the only girl in her friend group (school is in a fairly well off village) to have never been on a plane or been abroad etc. yes I do tell her that not having done those things doesn’t make her inferior to her friends in any way shape or form, but even still, I had the money to grant her wish for her so why shouldn’t I? Seeing how excited she was when the plane took off was fab.

OP posts:
AllyDally · 15/03/2025 15:26

So glad you are having a good time. I really hope you stand your ground and don't let him spoil it. You have done brilliantly so far, it wasn't easy to do what you did, that took some strength in the first place!

Rogerstreasures · 15/03/2025 15:26

Fill your boots girl and don’t let your DH get you down. If he kicks off walk away and let him get on with it. Life’s to short to waste pandering to him.

DreamTheMoors · 15/03/2025 15:26

Radiatorvalves · 14/03/2025 16:13

He may find that his return flight is cancelled too. What an unpleasant idiot.

I could be mistaken, but I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of a “pleasant” idiot.

Hermyknee · 15/03/2025 15:26

I think I would be minimising it as much as possible to get the most out the holiday for you and the kids. You did exactly the right thing. The best case scenario is you fake ‘laugh it off’ so he has nothing to argue against, gently show how the kids have had a good time and hopefully he’ll be on good behaviour. You may have a good time and the kids will.

Deal with it when you get home.

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