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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 14/03/2025 21:48

Act like a dick, get treated like one. It’s entirely self-inflicted, all because he was abusive. Why should you back him up when he’s not worth backing? I wouldn’t even want him coming for the rest of it. He’ll spoil it.

melonalone · 14/03/2025 21:49

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

Wow. He’s utterly embarrassed himself but even worse he wanted you to join in. Hopefully he can wise up but it sounds like your holiday (and life) might be much nicer without him!

Pussycat22 · 14/03/2025 21:50

Ex soon I hope!!!

Gogogo12345 · 14/03/2025 21:53

LondonLady15 · 14/03/2025 19:03

One thing I would say is that airlines will often cancel the return flight of someone who wasn’t on the outgoing one so unless you booked the flights on entirely separate bookings for there and back then it’s likely he won’t get on the flight home. Could be a good thing! 😂

Doesn't apply to ryabair. They don't sell " returns" The flights count as 2 one ways

LastMile · 14/03/2025 21:54

OP, it really doesn’t sound like you even like your DH that much (and who can blame you, he sounds absolutely awful tbh)

Do you rely on him financially? I would start making plans to seperate if I were you, I wouldn’t want my children being brought up in a house with this arsehole.

socks1107 · 14/03/2025 22:00

No one should be called names for doing their jobs, the woman was following company rules. He sounds dreadful

Caroparo52 · 14/03/2025 22:01

If you don't travel on the way out the return leg is not guaranteed. Well done for travelling yourself. Don't put up with any shit from the wanker

Shelby2010 · 14/03/2025 22:03

Tell him the hotel is shit & you’re going to come home early, so not to fly out. Then have a lovely holiday without him.

IDoWhateverItTakes · 14/03/2025 22:05

He sounds like an absolute bully: only picks on people he views as lesser (service workers, minimum wage employees, etc) or from the 'safety' of his car when he's engaged in road rage. How people treat waitstaff is a key indicator of character. He clearly lacks it. What on earth do you see in him?

SpringIsSpringing25 · 14/03/2025 22:07

lyricalwindmills · 14/03/2025 16:29

Jesus. You should have taken his passport with you. Sorry that you'll have to endure him for some of your precious week! I hope you can still enjoy as much of it as possible.

You sneaky woman you!!

Bloody good idea😬

Verdansk84 · 14/03/2025 22:08

you did what was best your you and the children, thats all that matters, being an arse even if you think your right does not get you anywhere

lunar1 · 14/03/2025 22:09

Your daughter shouldn’t have to live with a stepparent like him.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/03/2025 22:10

Shelby2010 · 14/03/2025 22:03

Tell him the hotel is shit & you’re going to come home early, so not to fly out. Then have a lovely holiday without him.

Good idea!

Or move to a different hotel.

Or both.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 14/03/2025 22:11

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:51

He has been known for this sort of behaviour with service staff before. He always seems to think that everybody is trying to rip him off, it's odd.

I've read all your posts in the thread and am cheering that you got on that plane for your hols with your children.
My father was like this, he found fault with everything. Or engineered situations so he could try to 'game the system.' I was able to stop spending time with him that would lead to this sort of situation (I'd visit their home with nice bakery things, have a cup of tea and said bakery thing, then go. Probably spent about an hour each time).
Can you see yourself still witnessing this behaviour from him in 10 years time? What sort of role model is he for your / his children? I'd be asking serious questions about whether I wanted to stay in a relationship with him.

BrassyPalm · 14/03/2025 22:11

I can’t be bothered reading every post but I just wanted to say you did the right thing and enjoy your holiday. Ignore the ‘out of school’ naysayers and have fun. Your partner is a twat.

Normallynumb · 14/03/2025 22:13

Well done for sticking to your holiday plans.
i hope he is unable to get another flight and you and DC have a wonderful holiday

pointythings · 14/03/2025 22:14

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 18:38

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

You're both ridiculous and hilarious. By your logic, any child who misses more than a week of school due to illness has their life chances ruined for ever. I'll let my kids know - they both had moderately serious illnesses in Yr 12 and Yr13 respectively. Clearly DC1 needs to hand back that masters, and DC2 should abandon that final year of the STEM degree.😂

Bestfootforward11 · 14/03/2025 22:21

Just wanted to say, well done you, and enjoy the holiday! X

Justgorgeous · 14/03/2025 22:26

He’s a gaslighting twat.

ChocolateBiscuitsandaCuppa · 14/03/2025 22:27

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 18:38

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

Both my sister and I were taken out of high school for trips. Both have more than two post-graduate qualifications each and are doing more than just fine thanks, and probably more importantly have happy, well-rounded lives.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/03/2025 22:31

I’d be reconsidering whether you wish to stay married to this prick.

user1492757084 · 14/03/2025 22:32

Hollietree · 14/03/2025 16:14

I would have done exactly the same. Stand firm @AskingForTacos - why should all of you (including children) be punished for his shitty behaviour? And why pay for new flights for all of you when you can just pay for his new flight.

In fact I would tell him firmly that he is only to get on that flight and join you if he is going to apologise for being a brat, not put any blame on you, arrive with a smile and get on with having a nice family holiday. If he isn’t going to do that, then he shouldn’t get on a plane.

Perfect!

Springhassprungxx · 14/03/2025 22:35

You're my hero op!! Seriously good for you!!

ThatsNotMyTeen · 14/03/2025 22:35

FrenchFancie · 14/03/2025 16:13

Personally I would seriously be reconsidering the future of this relationship. He’s tried to dodge paying for something he should do, then been abusive to staff when caught out. Not someone I would want to keep in my life if his behaviour continues….

This

I’m not sure I’d want to be with someone who spoke to the staff member like he did. He sounds terrible

friendlycat · 14/03/2025 22:35

I simply couldn’t be married to someone who behaves like this.
How on earth do you cope with him speaking to people in this manner?

What a terrible role model this is for your children.

I hate to think what his mood will be like when he joins you later. I would actually be hoping that he doesn’t.

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