To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

You did the right thing.

Never back up a dickhead for being a dickhead.

Honestly I feel for you. What an asshole to embarrass you like that. 🤬

Please ignore the postgraduate trolls OP, they're not worth the effort. Their student debt must be making them angry ;)

Maybe warn the receptionist (and their manager) and give them permission to ban him from the hotel? Imagine the lovely holiday you'll have without him.

I wouldn't stay with a man like this. How people treat staff is such a key indicator of how they'll treat you in due course.

I’d pre-warn them.
”My husband is coming tomorrow. He likes to shout and throw his weight around. Please accept this £10 in advance as an apology.”

Well I was sick constantly as a child, missed loads of school (due to a chronic condition). Managed to get two postgraduate qualifications and have a pretty successful career. Can’t imagine a short holiday is going to be that detrimental to the children’s future educational prospects.

The thread's not about this. Anyway, if the parents decided an absence is necessary that is up to them, it's their child. Schools are getting too big for their boots telling families they cannot take children to weddings, funerals, holidays the family can afford etc. The child is not going to miss much in 7 days ffs.
NB what's the U stand for?

Well done you for doing the right thing. We teach our children that there are consequences to our actions!
When he arrives tell him that you don’t want to discuss it any more … you just want to enjoy the rest of the holiday together.

I legally took DS out of school in reception to go on holiday. He's doing a Masters at Oxford now! Just imagine what he could have done!
Never mind that he missed months of Year 9 and 10 because of Covid then still had to take GCSEs.
Sorry OP your DH is a twat. Hope you can rein him in enough to have a good time x

If you'd followed him he'd be moaning about having to lay for 4 extra flights instead of 1. He will ruin occasion after occasion, celebration after celebration. What is he like on your birthday or mother's day? Does he create a fuss then too?

Fucking hell OP - a 99% agreement with you! Hope you feel reassured by that!

Good for you!! I am unsure if I could have had the balls to just go but if the kids wanted to then I'd have went with them and not allowed them to be upset as it's his own doing at the end of the day. You went with what was in the best interest of the children, he needs to appreciate that! Brave deceiving but well done for doing it and standing strong. Have a lovely holiday xxx

Very sensible to go without him! Would she's cost a fortune to rebook all the flights. He should be apologizing to you as you had the struggle with all the bags and kids alone

^^

I would give him what we used to do to our teenagers. Give him a preemptive b-ll-cking from the safe distance of your sun lounger. Tell him - If he is expecting to turn up and berate you for not being supportive he should not get on the flight. He can only come if he does not mention the incident and fixes his attitude to one of humility and unbridled joy at being on holiday with you and the kids.

This

This. Sounds like a total dickhead . Nothing more unattractive than a stingy man who abuses young females.

Are you really that thick? I say that as a recently retired school leader. Missing the odd few days during a school career isn’t that important. From a personal perspective, I missed loads due to sickness during my GCSE and A-Level years and I managed to get 2 batchelors and a masters. I retired in the most senior position I could hold so I don’t think it had much impact.

What does he imagine that would have achieved? Ryanair wouldn't have gone ok AskingForTacos backed you up so you can get on the plane now. You'd just have ended up paying for more extra flights. Getting on the plane was the reasonable and financially savvy thing to do.

You did the right thing. How would he react if you texted saying that once he arrives you do not expect to hear any more moaning about it, that the incident was entirely his fault and he should be apologising to you unreservedly. That any attempt to criticise or even question your response to his repulsive behaviour is absolutely outrageous and you will not entertain it.

I’m actually really pissed off that he isn’t prioritizing you enjoying a well deserved holiday. I really hope you are able to and have a lovely time. Put the husband in daycare I think.

Good for you OP!!!

There is a lot more damage being done to these children living with this man than being taken out of school for a week.

Please send him this message OP. It's fab!

I don't think you were unreasonable. He had a tantrum, embarrassed everyone and caused a big, unnecessary problem.

That said, my husband and I have been together for many years and have had plenty of time to wear off a lot of rough edges in getting along together. We've discussed a lot of issues after they came up a few times and made "agreements."

So, if it was us, now, our typical understanding would be that we take each other's side in public. That doesn't mean cheering for him while he acts like a baboon but maybe more like not publicly siding against him, shades of grey and all that.

Then, we deal with whatever the problem is privately between ourselves. And if he pulled something like that, he'd be in deep doo-doo with me later, if nothing else.

However, there's also a considerable money issue here and kids involved too. This way, the family only has to pay again for one ticket, rather than four tickets. So that's good too. Maybe give him a chance to apologize on his own, if you can. I'd imagine he feels like quite an idiot now and doesn't want to claim it lol.

I hope your trip can still be salvaged. :)

Just my opinion but wanted to add that sometimes, extending grace is like money in the bank. We all screw up big now and then and would hope some will be returned. But if he does things like this regularly, that's different.