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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 14/03/2025 20:46

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

In.addition to all other considerations, you had a checked-in bag. If you'd pulled out with him, the plane might have been delayed while they found and unloaded your bag.

RobertaFirmino · 14/03/2025 20:55

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 18:38

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

I bunked off school constantly. Got in to terrible trouble. Still got my MA though.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/03/2025 20:55

he must have a lot of disposable income if he is happy to pay for a new flight ! and as tight as anything not to have paid for the excess luggage right away !!!

I am surprised you are still married to him.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 14/03/2025 20:57

My ex could be unpleasant to service staff and used to mock me for being polite. I had a huge chuckle when coming through passport control with our quite young DC. There was a small issue, can't remember what now. My ex muttered, What he thought was under his breath, Well, how can she (referring to the passport control lady) know? To which she professionally, politely and firmly replied Sir, it is the ears they remain the same throughout life. #heroine

Screamingabdabz · 14/03/2025 20:58

Tightness with money and mean-spirited behaviour always go hand in hand imo. Abusing a young woman doing her job? What an insufferable prick.

Katieweasel · 14/03/2025 20:59

I did this once. Ex was in a vile mood all the way to the airport and was deliberately trying to pick a fight. We parked the car and were waiting for the shuttle bus to the terminal. There was a queue and he kicked off and walked back to the car. I stayed in the queue, got on the bus, checked in and sailed through security. He didn’t call or text me. Obviously Waiting for me to call and beg. Got on the plane with my free seat next to me and had a fabulous 10 days on my own in Greece. He didn’t contact me for 48 hours and was gobsmacked I had gone. He assumed I had made my own way home (we didn’t live together) I didn’t have to worry about him following as he stropped off leaving me with the passports, paperwork and spending money!

Codlingmoths · 14/03/2025 21:01

When he comes meet him, pull him aside and say do not fucking spoil this holiday for our kids. I don’t want to hear a single moan, or see you have a go at any staff. I don’t want our kids to learn this miserable approach to life that involves treating other people like shit and being miserable. No I should not have waited for you, and if you fuck this up we will never go on holiday with you again. We deserve a holiday and we deserve you to recognise that. Not a word. If there’s paint chipped in the room, do not mention it. If something upsets you, smile and lie. Now, are you sure you can come in, or do you need to go home?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 14/03/2025 21:01

@AskingForTacos are you happy in this marriage?

He sounds incredibly hard work. You really don't need to live with the embarrassment of him. He's horrible!

overwork · 14/03/2025 21:04

I pressed the wrong one! Sorry! I certainly do not that you are being unreasonable. I can’t believe he thought that you should have joined him in solidarity against the young worker who was just doing her job. He doesn’t sound very pleasant to be honest

S18 · 14/03/2025 21:12

Did he not act like this in restaurants etc when you first started dating?

Punishmentforthis · 14/03/2025 21:14

Now you have stood up to him once, I think you need to start setting out what is acceptable behaviour for him. Don’t let him spoil this holiday for the rest of your family. Tell him straight that if he can’t be pleasant then you don’t want to be around him.

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 14/03/2025 21:17

I bet your dd is loving the day she's had without him. It's a shame he got another flight.

Mountainash · 14/03/2025 21:17

You are definitely not being unreasonable. For me, that would be grounds for divorce. Without exception, there is no excuse for verbally abusing anyone. Not a good role model for your children.
I hope the rest of your long deserved holiday is everything you wish it to be. Have fun!

NavyTurtle · 14/03/2025 21:20

Different flight, Different airport. He cannot hide. Hopefully he will be black listed and turned away.

StrongasSixpence · 14/03/2025 21:20

MementoMountain · 14/03/2025 18:50

That reminds me of saying to a toddler group friend that MiL was cynical about the benefits of breastfeeding, given that her two bottlefed offspring were county sports champions with Oxbridge PhDs.

Friend just quirked an eyebrow and said "And just think what they could have achieved if they'd been breastfed!"

This is hilarious! Some people be proper nutcases.

RatedDoingMagic · 14/03/2025 21:26

You were 100% correct to go on without him.

He's a total arse.

Reconsider whether you really want to be in a relationship with him

Enjoy your holiday. See what the hotel would charge for him to have a separate room if you can't stand his moaning.

Thelnebriati · 14/03/2025 21:27

Does he have form for making a scene or sulking on special occasions?

Happyhappyday · 14/03/2025 21:28

CrispyK · 14/03/2025 16:12

What an idiot. I find it hard to believe he is supposedly well travelled!

This! Anyone who has travelled much in the last couple decades knows there is no getting round budget airlines baggage rules!

LizzieSiddal · 14/03/2025 21:28

Bleachbum · 14/03/2025 19:55

He was abusive to staff and called one staff member a bitch? To her face? In front of your children? This would be marriage ending for me.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I would not let my children think this behaviour is ok.

You're in an abusive relationship, your dc are living with an abusive man. You need to get out for the sake of yourself and your children.

Beesandhoney123 · 14/03/2025 21:28

You're amazing! He doesn't deserve you that's for sure.
Are you married? If not, what a lucky escape. If you are, then it will be harder to get rid of him.

Turn your phone off. For the whole week. Chat once a day if you have to. If he is mean with the kids, turn the phone off.

Take your kids and have fun.
Say silly daddy, still I expect he is ashamed of himself.

What a dick, trying to save money like that. He is travelling with kids. It's not about him.

Ps if you aren't married then spend the week arranging to go elsewhere when you get back. He's going to be really angry and nasty. You and the dc don't want that. So avoid it. You've done it once!

JustFeedMeCake · 14/03/2025 21:35

You are definitely right to be there without him. Enjoy the peace!

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 14/03/2025 21:37

Don't get embroiled in arguments when he does turn up. Just calmly tell him he was totally unreasonable and it would have been ridiculous to waste the money for all your flights. Then walk off if he keeps on, or if you're in the room just calmly repeat and don't engage in any back and forth. You're right, he's wrong, it's just totally indisputable.

Daisyvodka · 14/03/2025 21:42

Can I ask - do you understand that to most people, this is vile abusive behaviour and they wouldn't want their kids around it, so a lot of people will read this and be a bit confused as to why you married and had a child with him - did it all happen quite quick and he show his true colours after you got pregnant, because thats a huge red flag for abuse, so I'd be worried that even if he hasn't turned on you or your children yet, he will.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 14/03/2025 21:44

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 18:40

The man who checked us in at the hotel was really lovely and I find myself dreading him being moaned at by DH, he's never fucking happy

What will you do when this happens?

latelydaydreams · 14/03/2025 21:46

I have not RTFT, but honestly- it’s so much cheaper that you didn’t stand in solidarity.

If he doesn’t have form for generally being a massive dick…. Then it’s maybe a lesson for him. My DH travels frequently and can be a bit blasé. Sometimes when it bites him on the arse I feel quite fucking smug.

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