To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

He was abusive to staff and called one staff member a bitch? To her face? In front of your children? This would be marriage ending for me.

He's a dick-head. Also, like many men, entitled and sure they are right. Tell him not to moan about what was his fault and to learn his lesson. Right twit. There are some rules you can kick against, airline baggage rules are not one of them (though Ryanair has form on excess charges on baggage and are utter pains for that!)

With DH I would send a very firm text that for the sake of the holiday you’re prepared to put his appalling behaviour behind you and move forward, but that if he’s not prepared to come and enjoy himself the better thing would be for him to stay at home.

If he comes and kicks off/ makes everyone miserable I’d move to a different hotel. You’ve got to stand your ground here.

Then I would be having serious words with him when you get back. If he’s otherwise decent it might be worth counselling but if he can’t accept that he needs to change, I’d be ending this. Your kids can’t grow up thinking that this is normal behaviour.

OP has posted different examples of his awful behaviour

He sounds like a twat. He’d happily let you all lose your holiday because he couldn’t pay a fine or shut his mouth! I’d not want him to come tomorrow!

Good for you going without him. Bet he doesn’t kick off at hairy arsed 6ft bearded men!

Are you sure you want him to join you OP? He sounds like a twunt. How did he get a second date with you, let alone a baby, if he behaves so appallingly? Do yourself and your DC a favour and ditch him.

Everyone is aware of the disgrace that is Ryanair. The bully boss, the ever changing ways to get a bit more money, the history of advertising airports as being for a place that is not always in the same country. You know what you get if you choose to fly with them.

However, that does not mean you can treat their staff or handling agents in the way the OPs DH did, and good on the OP for leaving him behind.

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

Hahahaha peak MN!!

Mmm... To be fair, she hasn't. A few incidents with service staff which I fully agree, is wildly unacceptable but not necessarily deal breaker.

He's her DH, presumably she likes some stuff about him and he may well be a good dad and husband other than this. Like the rest of us, he's flawed and has traits that need work.
I'm not gonna be suggesting that she LTB on account of this!

Where it's reasonable, there are allowances and compromise to be made. I've read the thread and haven't seen anything to suggest that this isn't reasonable.

But look, I'm open to being totally incorrect and I just hope the the OP has a great holiday with the DCs and can sort through whatever other issues are at play.

Yanbu but in fairness the real villains were the Ryanair jobsworth’s

No the villain is Michael O'Leary, the staff have no choice.

what, and waste 4 flight tickets instead of one? As it is he's paid more no doubt for his new flight than he would have for the excess weight.

Just air it all. 'Oh well it'll be lovely to see you tomorrow' and that is it.

People are jealous OP, ignore.. but your DH sounds awful tbh..

Well done you for putting your kids first and going on your well deserved holiday.

I don’t know if this is any comfort OP but I got caught by the Ryanair rules after many, many flights with them. They had changed their measurements and stupidly I hadn’t checked since the last flight a few weeks earlier. My bag was still small enough to fit under the seat but they wouldn’t budge, nor would they let me just book my bag onto to the flight at the boarding price, I begged and pleaded but in the end the only way onto the flight was by paying the £60 fine.

I can promise you, no amount of putting up a united front with your DH would have made any difference. You did the best thing, getting your DC off on holiday (on your first flight ever? Well done!) and leaving him to stew in his own juices.

Have a lovely time! Do not dwell on what he chose. Of course you should not have missed a day.

It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999
You are funny. You are too witty and well-written for a buffoon like this.

Your DD will so clearly remember you putting her first today.

Your DH sounds like a child. He could have paid but he chose to be an asshole, and he’s probably cross at you because he’s embarrassed.

Ou of curiosity if you said "I didn't back you up because I believe you were 100% in the wrong" what would his reaction be? If he's acted like this before I can't believe you don't have the ick majorly, just reading about him makes my skin crawl.

I have a postgraduate degree from one of those and I'm earning quite well, I'm now the main earner with a retired DH and two school age children.
My parents took me out for family visits overseas, skiing in the country where they met, and I went on an independent French exchange in term time. Very pleased they did!

I have 3 postgraduate degrees. Total waste of time. Wish my parents had taken me out of school more than they did - it might have prevented at least one of them! (Only missed about 4 weeks in total for holidays over the whole 14 years)

I have 3 postgraduate degrees. Total waste of time. Wish my parents had taken me out of school more than they did - it might have prevented at least one of them! (Only missed about 4 weeks in total for holidays over the whole 14 years)

He was an idiot to try to get around the luggage limits - pay the extra or keep to the permitted size! Why should everyone else lose a day of the holiday because of him? And it's horrible if him to be abusive to the staff who are just trying to uphold the rules. Weight and size limits are what allow budget airlines to keep prices ridiculously low.

Ha! Brilliant, good for them for stopping him, and good for you for going without him. Appalling way to behave. He might just think twice next time.