Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 19:27

OMG the school police are out in force today

In fairness, I think it's one lone ranger 👮🏼‍♀️

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 14/03/2025 19:28

I’ve also just realised he isn’t your DD’s dad. I would not want this misogynistic twat around my 11 year old daughter. And if you have a son - what lovely behaviour he’s learning. Definitely worth a rethink OP…..

NotAPartyPerson · 14/03/2025 19:28

You definitely did the right thing. H's arseholery aside, even if he'd missed the flight due to say a forgotten passport, it still would have made sense for you all to fly without him - makes no sense to miss a day's holiday or pay for extra flights just because one adult can't travel that day.

twilightcafe · 14/03/2025 19:29

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:11

He's annoyed that I didn't back him up and show a united front against the Ryanair staff, it's pathetic.

Fool!

Yanbu, and do not owe him an apology.

BlueFlint · 14/03/2025 19:30

Bravo OP. You 100% did the right thing. He sounds like a bully. I hope he's kinder to you and your kids than he is to strangers. I also hope he doesn't ruin the rest of the holiday by whining to punish you for going on...

EdithBond · 14/03/2025 19:30

sandyhappypeople · 14/03/2025 19:08

What do you do when he kicks off OP?

If he asked you why you didn't back him up what do you say?

What she should say is “Put a sock in it until we get home. We want to enjoy our holiday”.

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:30

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/03/2025 19:20

@crushedbandicoot
Just curious: how many children have you raised and what is your relationship with them like? What sort of rules did you adhere to while raising them?

You did not understand I was being ironic, I take it? I’ve raised two wonderful children. They have dual citizenships and are extremely well travelled. Often during term time. But I’m lucky enough to live in a country where you get encouragement and not fined.

Unijourney · 14/03/2025 19:31

Does he have to be right? Arechis oarebts similar?

Usually these traits get worse as people age so it might be something he can work on. CBT can help.

Btw, you did the right thing by going solo. The cost of all you missing the flight would have been ridiculous. Does he ever calm down and realise he was in the wrong?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/03/2025 19:32

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:30

You did not understand I was being ironic, I take it? I’ve raised two wonderful children. They have dual citizenships and are extremely well travelled. Often during term time. But I’m lucky enough to live in a country where you get encouragement and not fined.

No, that didn't come across at all. 🤷‍♀️

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 19:33

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:30

You did not understand I was being ironic, I take it? I’ve raised two wonderful children. They have dual citizenships and are extremely well travelled. Often during term time. But I’m lucky enough to live in a country where you get encouragement and not fined.

I got you Crushed!
Was it a poem? I read it that way anyway.

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:33

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/03/2025 19:32

No, that didn't come across at all. 🤷‍♀️

Ok, well now you know. 🤷‍♀️

Horses7 · 14/03/2025 19:34

So to save a few quid he’s upset everyone and now has to pay much more? 🙈 Then he’ll go on to ruin a family holiday too…. and you seem to be putting up with it all.
ps this will seem a minor point and I know term time holidays are cheaper but the poor class teacher will be picking up the pieces of your daughter’s holiday to make sure she catches up, time taken up from the rest of the class too.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/03/2025 19:34

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:33

Ok, well now you know. 🤷‍♀️

😅

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:35

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 19:33

I got you Crushed!
Was it a poem? I read it that way anyway.

Yes, an AI poor attemp. 😂 Just enjoy your life and go on a holiday, if you can. Life truly is too short. Spend time together.

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:37

It would be excellent if he dodn’t get to board the flight home though. 😂 And you just left him at the airport again.

IdasFlowers · 14/03/2025 19:37

You did the right thing. What a dick.

GrannyNannyMagratandGreebo · 14/03/2025 19:40

EdithBond · 14/03/2025 18:54

I’d be tempted to tell him you’re worried your DH may be abusive and you don’t condone it. In case he gets you all thrown out of the hotel.

If he insists on coming, your DH should have a day or two to himself when he arrives to calm down and keep away from you all. Then look after your little one for a day, so you and your DD can have some special time together.

Good idea

CheesePlantBoxes · 14/03/2025 19:40

You can't possibly be happier married to this man than you would be if you were single. That's not a question btw, it's a statement if fact.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 14/03/2025 19:41

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 18:40

The man who checked us in at the hotel was really lovely and I find myself dreading him being moaned at by DH, he's never fucking happy

What are you going to do about it though OP? It’s not ok - this behaviour is awful for your kids to witness.

LoztWorld · 14/03/2025 19:43

I would be concerned about what your children are learning by watching this behaviour.

It’s part of his responsibility as a parent to ensure they can function appropriately in day-to-day life. But he isn’t even capable of that himself.

Confrontational people like this have very needlessly stressful lives (best case scenario) and often end up in trouble with the law etc (worst case scenario).

Tangelablue · 14/03/2025 19:43

I think you should consider changing hotels without telling him so you can have some peace and quiet.

Doingmybestbut · 14/03/2025 19:44

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 18:38

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

My parents probably should have taken me out of school more often. I have two postgraduate degrees, one from Oxford one from Cambridge and I’m vastly over qualified and under paid.

Bitofanchange · 14/03/2025 19:50

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 18:38

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

Oh give over!

Ellbee83 · 14/03/2025 19:52

Honestly? Fair play to you for going F*CK IT!, carrying on and getting on the plane without him!
That took some strength.

I totally get why he's feeling a bit sore so no way will I be jumping on him with all of the above accusations of him being an absolute xyz... Whatever.
He's your DH, presumably you love each other and presumably he's a decent bloke most of the time. We all have our moments, travelling is stressful, and I doubt he sees his moment at the airport as being his finest hour.

Wildly unacceptable to have a go at check-in staff - I'd be utterly unimpressed with this. I'd clearly let him know this, but not labour the point, as I imagine deep down he must know it was ridiculously out of order.

When he arrives, maybe try to decide between yourselves that you've all drawn a line under the miserable episode and you're going to make the most of your holiday. You've got loads of time left to enjoy yourselves, try to relax and give each other a break.
I wish you all a lovely trip, I'm sure everyone deserves it, hope it goes well for you ❤️

0ctavia · 14/03/2025 19:53

I travel on budget airlines all the time and there’s only two reasonable ways to approach their very strict rules.

  1. obey the rules to the letter, weigh and measure your bag precisely before you leave home
  2. break the rules slightly, assume you won’t get caught most of the time, and when you do ( it’s when not if), apologise, feign ignorance and pay the extra fee with good grace.

Abusing the staff is not a reasonable reaction to getting caught. It’s bad enough that he behaved so badly and got barred, inconveniencing @AskingForTacos. But to double down and attack her for taking THEIR child on the planned holiday - that’s a whole level of bad behaviour.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread