To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

I laughed! Yes OP, this few days of missed school will be the difference between your DD going to Oxbridge and being a bin lady.

More relevantly is there any way you can secretly log in and change his flight so it looks like he got it wrong and rebooked for next week or something? If you’ve had a nice night tonight then just imagine how relaxing a week on your own would be…

Dear god, if never missing school makes you churn out such dire poetry methinks you could have done with more term time holidays.

Tell me you haven’t been to university without telling me you haven’t been to university.

this is the most batshit bonkers thing I’ve read today. Congratulations. To quote a MN favourite “are you on glue.”

He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so).”

And in front of your kids??

I’m sorry but this would be relationship ending. Has he done stuff like that in front of you before?

Maybe op's dd will learn a lesson not taught at school.. About the sort of man she should stay well clear off in future....
Remember op your dd's first example of adult relationships is you and her df's ... Would you be happy if she was with a man like her df?
Maybe all the ones against taking her out of school will consider how many lessons are missed when school deem it OK..
To name a few..
Red Nose Day
Children In Need Day (that bloody yellow bear)
Sport's day that you aren't allowed to win /lose
Watching a pantomime at Christmas
Various trips to church - at Easter /Xmas /end of term /harvest festival
When the school is too cold /water /heating is off /weather too wet /warm /snowy..

If my DP called anyone a jobsworth bitch I'd tell him not to bother trying to get a later flight. I'd much rather take the holiday without him.
Your DH sounds quite aggressive, and emotionally unruly to say the least.

@Bogginsthe3rd odfo.

@AskingForTacos tell your dh not to bother joining you. I've read your posts. Please think about the future you want for yourself and your children. He's a very bad example for them and will shape their expectations (low) for relationships.

That comment about missing out on postgraduate studies because of going on a jolly is one of the most unhinged things I’ve seen on here.

If I were you I’d tell him being rude to service staff is a dealbreaker. I honestly couldn’t shag someone who did that, it’s so offputting 🤢

OMG the school police are out in force today! Your DH is a dick and he is going to come out and ruin this holiday for you.

you shouldn’t have to worry about him being a prick in every shop and driving like a fool is not acceptable. Especially if kids in the car.

My DH raced cars when younger so takes the racing line through every roundabout and forgets until I yell at him or throw myself dramatically against the window with the imaginary G Force 😂

check out the DfE Facebook page today with their image about how every day matters at school and they will earn £750 less for each absence or some bull shit.

my y11 is getting shit grades in mocks as the school told us all the way through until summer of y10 that he was on track for 7/8 grades. Now he’s sitting on 4/5 as the teachers leave and the behaviour is appalling.

guess what. His attendance is 100% but he wasn’t invited to the special awards ceremony because he was late once by a minute to tutor! It’s a joke.

dump your husband in the ocean and move on 😜

Don't mention the flight home, then OP can possibly get another day away from this twat .

Oh lovely that's dreadful behaviour

Oh do one and stop derailing the thread.

Do you really want to stay with this man? This sort of behaviour is awful.

I’d tell him not to come if he’s going to complain and be negative, and you won’t tolerate him ruining your holiday or your daughter’s, but honestly I think you need to rethink this relationship. I can’t imagine what sort of redeeming qualities he could have to make up for this arsehole behaviour.

@crushedbandicoot
Just curious: how many children have you raised and what is your relationship with them like? What sort of rules did you adhere to while raising them?

What a dick

Jesus, you and your poor children! So glad you didn’t disappoint your children for this idiot. Enjoy your holiday and make some lovely memories!

Good for you OP, you absolutely did the right thing by leaving him behind at the gate. He really should have just paid the fine and got on with it, hopefully he's learned his lesson 🙄
Don't let him spoil the rest of the holiday for you by moaning though.

Are you able to reflect on why you can't see that he is an awful abusive man? It's pretty obvious from what you say about him that he is. Have you ever discussed his behaviour with him or talked it through with family or close friends so they can help you see it's not normal behaviour?

From experience of being the child in this kind of situation, your 11 yo may soon become hyper vigilant and anxious too (if she isn't already). Living in a constant state of arousal like that really takes a toll.
I can imagine the baby growing up desperately trying to please a dad who cannot be pleased, and the potential damage of that too.
I'm not trying to pile on: you obviously care more about the children than the dickhead - it might be worth considering how his general way of being is going to impact upon them long term.

OP he sounds absolutely vile. Honestly. The fact that you walked away and got on the flight, regardless, shows how you truly feel. In your situation I would leave him. I have been in a similar situation in the past and I bitterly regret not ending things sooner because a man who does this to you - repeatedly, publicly and without shame will not change. By getting on that flight alone, you have already made a huge step.

Easier said than done of course but do try to let go of what you can't control right now (ie his behaviour, how he might be if he manages to successfully arrive at your holiday destination. Enjoy every precious moment of your well deserved break with your DC.

Holy crap that is f-ing outrageous!

Oh it got funnier 😂

Well done, I think you taught your DD a very valuable lesson. Keep on backing it up.

DH was taught a well deserved lesson by the airline. I hope he doesn’t try to spoil the holiday by acting like anyone else did something wrong. Please don’t let him. The only person to blame is himself and he needs to accept the consequences.

Ask him how he can justify his behaviour calling a woman doing her job a bitch. If he doesn’t feel totally ashamed of himself then LTB. I’m not joking.

😂 AI, my dear.

My now young adult children were lucky to grow up with term time holidays every year. I’m not in the UK, and it has never been a problem with school here as long as you take responsibility for missed homework. We’ve been all over the world. They know many cultures, and have learnt more than school could teach them in some subjects. Daughter even got higher grades in history because of it. No regrets!