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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 18:53

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 18:44

You are aware that if that poster's kids got firsts in their undergraduates then they still would've been able to do postgraduate studies if they wanted? No uni is going to turn down a Masters applicant with a First in their undergraduate just because they had a week in Tenerife in term time during Year 7 😂

Well said @AskingForTacos, I'm glad you're not letting Boggins get to you! Much more support on here than that.

EdithBond · 14/03/2025 18:54

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 18:40

The man who checked us in at the hotel was really lovely and I find myself dreading him being moaned at by DH, he's never fucking happy

I’d be tempted to tell him you’re worried your DH may be abusive and you don’t condone it. In case he gets you all thrown out of the hotel.

If he insists on coming, your DH should have a day or two to himself when he arrives to calm down and keep away from you all. Then look after your little one for a day, so you and your DD can have some special time together.

Dollydaydream100 · 14/03/2025 18:54

Boggins is clearly on a windup. No one can be that obtuse surely?

MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 14/03/2025 18:55

He did this on purpose because he is an abuser and he could not stand to see you happy.

Yes, you showed a good example to your children by getting on the plane, but that example means nothing if you continue to be married to a pig. I don't believe for one minute that he is usually a good husband and dad.

He was vile and you and the kids deserve better.

Peony15 · 14/03/2025 18:56

What a ghastly experience for everybody, especially when you and DCs were no doubt excited about the trip.
Good for you not backing up wrong/abusive behaviour. DH is a terrible role model too, you showed your kids what is right.
Poor staff member, not only do they work for min
wage, they do crazy shift times too.
Can't stand people who
mistreat staff.
They also will
get monitored by management to stick to the rules, Ryan Air probably the most notorious airline of all.
A few points :
You ! saved a whole plane full of people being delayed by NOT offloading yourself, as your checked in luggage would have had to be found and offloaded too.
If "D"H has booked this as a roundtrip the return flight will no
longer be valid, as flown out of sequence. Ticketing Airline rule worldwide.
Also he will be on the airline company's "no fly list" or some sort of internal alert, especially being abusive to
staff.
At minimum he'll be watched like a hawk with airport staff alerted when he checks in, if he even can check in.
This applies also to
a new ticket.
Airlines take no chances with someone like him.
Lucky he didn't get arrested because with so many countries now needing ETAs/Estas ( electronic travel permisssions ), especially Europe for Brits from think
April, any criminal record = no permission to travel and will have to get a visa from the embassy e.g to travel
to
the States/Canada/Australia/NZ.
Might want to bear that fact alone in mind, if he travels a lot for work.

So, not only did he have to buy a new ticket to go on holiday, for the return he will
also need a new one.
Cost of that vs cost of extra bag... no comment...

Jeschara · 14/03/2025 18:58

Please can we keep to the OP question, she is going to pay the fine for her daughters absence. It's her decision.
I am more concerned her husband may try to ruin the holiday. Please tell your husband what you expect behaviour wise at the start.
Personally he would be hone if it was me I see his pettiness as weakness which he tries to compensate for.

WhatDaHell · 14/03/2025 18:58

YANBU. Your husband sounded unbearable.

They're really cracking down on bags. I flew with easyJet recently and I reckon 1/3 people were flagged to pay extra baggage fees. They were just walking down the queue with a card machine making people pay as they went down. A group of young girls had 3 bags each so had to pay double, I did feel sorry for them.

Badgerandfox227 · 14/03/2025 19:00

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 18:38

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

Honestly one of the most batshit comments I’ve read on this site 🤣

Specso · 14/03/2025 19:00

If he turns up tomorrow and proceeds to ruin the holiday by sulking, being grumpy, snappy or miserable I’d seriously consider ending the relationship.

life is short and everyone deserves a happy, peaceful family life.

LondonLady15 · 14/03/2025 19:01

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 18:44

You are aware that if that poster's kids got firsts in their undergraduates then they still would've been able to do postgraduate studies if they wanted? No uni is going to turn down a Masters applicant with a First in their undergraduate just because they had a week in Tenerife in term time during Year 7 😂

Took my girls on holiday often in term time, the memories they have are priceless and we couldn’t have afforded that time as a family otherwise.
my eldest got a first in law , distinction in her masters and working as a criminal lawyer age 24 so I’m pretty sure it never held her back x

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 14/03/2025 19:01

YABU not to have dumped him immediately when he called an innocent woman just doing her job a bitch.

He is VILE.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 14/03/2025 19:01

You’re awesome! Teaching your daughter a good lesson there. High five!

thepariscrimefiles · 14/03/2025 19:01

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 18:38

And maybe if you hadn't taken them out of school they could have gone on to postgraduate studies? The point is at that age the loss of education can really impact.

You're like a dog with a bone. If this poster's children had wanted to, they could have gone on to do a postgraduate qualification with those grades. They obviously didn't want to. You're absolutely nuts if you think that missing a few days of primary school will have life-long negative consequences. You're just derailing the thread.

crushedbandicoot · 14/03/2025 19:01

We’re skipping school, just a week of delight.
Who needs math lessons when the sun's shining bright?
Their futures could be slipping away, although who needs school on a sunny day..
Postgraduate dreams, now just a far cry,
But, the sea is more fun than a high school reply!
A PhD might’ve been in the cards, it’s true,
but today it’s just sandcastles, and ice cream too!

TimeForATerf · 14/03/2025 19:02

OP, he FAFO, tough shit on him. Your conscience is clear and he’s an asshole.

4babycubsx · 14/03/2025 19:02

Haha good on you girl! You have stated he is not abusive so it is probably a case of him being so embarrassed and was trying to regain some control. I wouldn't worry about the staff, I've worked in travel, there's nothing more satisfying than cancelling an a**holes holiday lol.

If he moans as one other person said, tell him to stfu!

LondonLady15 · 14/03/2025 19:03

One thing I would say is that airlines will often cancel the return flight of someone who wasn’t on the outgoing one so unless you booked the flights on entirely separate bookings for there and back then it’s likely he won’t get on the flight home. Could be a good thing! 😂

whynotwhatknot · 14/03/2025 19:04

he could easily be banned from the return flight what a horrible man

MummyJ36 · 14/03/2025 19:05

Actions have consequences. Most people learn this as kids and he happens to be learning it as an adult! I would absolutely not apologise or be made to feel guilty when he arrives. He needs to take this as a lesson moving forward and hopefully realise his short fuse will ultimately ruin happy times for himself and his family.

Swishytwip · 14/03/2025 19:05

YANBU at all. I feel so sorry for your kids. Every time I have a big day out or travel abroad with my kids I see a couple that makes me feel so happy to be single! It's usually a man acting like a spoiled child and a woman desperately trying to placate him and keep the vibe up for the sake of the children. It's just so not worth it.

DazzlingCuckoos · 14/03/2025 19:06

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 18:50

Oh my god, are you still going on???

I missed occasional days in school, have a degree (1st), Master's, PhD and a very good job. It's really not the end of the world!!

(And I'm a Saint 😉, can you tell?)

Edited

We couldn't take holidays in the school holidays when I was a child due to not being able to go on holiday with my disabled sibling, but respite care only being available in term time. We therefore went on holiday in school term time (pre being fined for it).

I run a business that turns over £1.5m a year, employ 15 people and have a professional qualification. I didn't go to uni, but that was my choice as it isn't needed for my work. I got offered places before choosing not to go.

Literally the only way my education was damaged by not being in school is that I missed the week where they taught the words for stationery items in French and I never did catch up on it.

Have I used my French since I did my GCSE? Yes, only, I ordered a diet coke and some crepes in a restaurant, but didn't need to know the word for "pencil"!

Back on topic, YWNBU to have left him in the airport OP. I kind of hope that he's rude to someone tomorrow too and gets banned from flying, so you can have a nice peaceful holiday.

If he does make it there, I'd set it straight right from the outset:

  • you are not discussing what happened in the airport as he was totally out of order and embarrassed you all
  • it would have cost you a lot more money for you all to have flown a day later, and the no-show at the hotel would have probably lost you the room for the whole week too
  • he is absolutely NOT to moan about petty things like decor or bird poo outside
  • if he can't agree to put it to one side and actually try and ENJOY the holiday, then he can take himself back to the airport and take another flight home again
Fupoffyagrasshole · 14/03/2025 19:07

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 18:44

You are aware that if that poster's kids got firsts in their undergraduates then they still would've been able to do postgraduate studies if they wanted? No uni is going to turn down a Masters applicant with a First in their undergraduate just because they had a week in Tenerife in term time during Year 7 😂

Haaaa this is hilarious

her life is ruined cus she had a weeks holiday once in term Time

give me strength - more to life then school and education. Not everyone cares so much things like that. - not that a week off would have any lasting damage to anything

sandyhappypeople · 14/03/2025 19:08

What do you do when he kicks off OP?

If he asked you why you didn't back him up what do you say?

Mudkipper · 14/03/2025 19:08

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 18:29

Yes very very similar to my DH, gets some sort of kick out of it

It's a self-importance thing: 'Nothing must be less than perfect in MY WORLD because the world revolves around ME.'

greengreyblue · 14/03/2025 19:09

Well done you. Respect. You did the right thing

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