To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

[AskingForTacos]

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

How would you stop him?

He sounds like an ex of mine. He once had a whole queue of people at a cafe waiting ages because he wanted the egg in a £5 breakfast bap deal swopped for an extra sausage instead. They said no.
He argued the toss for 10 whole minutes. It was so embarrassing. There were about 20 people behind us in the queue. Everyone was shouting at him to give it a rest.
I was so glad the staff wouldn't give in to him.
He did it with everything, everywhere.
Everyone hated him.

Or don’t 😂

You absolutely did the right thing to go - you and your DD had been looking forward to this holiday and had done nothing to warrant missing out on it. He surely wouldn't have been happy to pay flights for all of you. I reckon if you hadn't gone, there wouldn't have been a holiday.

He doesn't sound great - this is one in a list of times when he treats people poorly. Your DD is observing this - your toddler will be picking it all up too. Dad's behaviour being embarrassing, rude, confrontational, putting them in stressful situations.

Does he know how you feel about it when he acts this way?

I hope you do all enjoy the holiday. Maybe ban any talk of the airline when he arrives and put on ice until you are home.

You seem very intelligent, OP. Why are you with him when his behaviour is idiotic, poor, belligerent and incredibly rude? Does he consider himself better than others?

I think I’d tell him not to bother coming at all.

i agree with who ever said his true colours show when he sees someone’s else’s job below him. My ExH was like this and exFIL, they got off on bullying mainly serving staff or anyone they could demean.

This.

Vile man. Did he apologise for his behaviour?

If you've been together for four years and have a two-year-old, I'm guessing it was an unexpected / unplanned pregnancy? Oh well, what's done is done.

However, you should leave him, OP, because he's an unpleasant bully who looks down on anybody who he perceives as being beneath him, especially women.

Your almost teenaged daughter will thank you for it.

I took my children out of school on occasion. 4 graduates, two Firsts, all gainfully employed. Education is not just schooling, other things are also important. And this is not the point of the thread, it’s just an occasion for you to bash someone - feel better?

Good for you, OP. You showed your children that abusive behavior has consequences and that the person involved must take the consequences, not the entire family. They aren’t responsible for his poor behavior.

He, however, is being a terrible role model, what on earth is wrong with him? Has he learnt this behavior from his side of the family? If so, he needs to unlearn it ASAP, because it’ll screw up his life eventually. Few people will tolerate someone who behaves like this-you certainly shouldn’t.

I trust you will be reading HIM the riot act when he arrives.

Let's hope he pisses someone else off tomorrow and isn't allowed to fly then either

It was a very good lesson for your children. You showed them that just because the other kids are behaving like arseholes it doesn’t mean they should too

He was a super special deluxe asshole and he FAFO.

He wasn't just rude, he was so belligerent with staff they wouldn't let him fly.

I hope he has some more FAFO moments.

That's one of my big dating red flags, people that are rude to service people. This guy is a dumpster fire, you know

Exactly. Horrible bully of a man. What on earth can you see in him? He’s nasty.

Again, this is abusive behaviour. You don’t have to be in constant ( or any ) fear for it to be abuse. You don’t want either of your DC growing up thinking this is normal or acceptable behaviour.

Yes very very similar to my DH, gets some sort of kick out of it

So, into the bargain, he's also an aggressive arsehole of a driver and throws his weight around all over the place.

I'd be willing to bet that when he arrives he will find fault with the hotel staff and start mouthing off at them.

I think you can do better than him.

Can you be sure it wasn't a set up so that he didn't have to go?

You were right to leave him. You wouldn't be wrong to leave him.

Not that excellent an example. An excellent example imo would be to not be with a prick like this in the first place.

@AskingForTacos Ugh, what a prat.

Perhaps wait until the holiday is over, but I think that you need to tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and that he’s being a poor role model for his children. As well as being a bully, he’s an embarrassment to them.

You did exactly the right thing op.

I have a child working for a budget airline and his behaviour is nothing new, my child sees it on a regular basis. But that was someone's daughter he abused.

How would he feel if that had been his daughter, recieving that abuse in her workplace?

He's one of those men who deep down feel woefully inadequate but chooses to dominate others to bolster his self esteem.
He'll do it for the stupidest things and at the most inconvenient times, because the most important thing for him to feel is being in control. He's going to be a very frustrating and embarrassing person to be married to.

I'm already seeing little things in the hotel that he'll probably moan at to get a discount. Some chipped paint in the skirting boards, some bird poo in the outside area (which i'm sure will be cleaned up in due course). Little things that don't bother me but will be the end of the word to him

Oh op. You know he’s not coming to be friendly he’s coming to tank your holiday with the kids because he cannot face everyone being happy without him.

the fact that he’s like this with service staff and it’s a confirmed pattern is worrying.

I would also say that you can’t present a united front because he was acting in an abusive way and that doesn’t align to your core values.

He also sounds like his ego was hurt that a “lowly” air Stuart said no to him. The problem with this type of behaviour is that if you really think about it I bet it’s the tip of the iceberg.

keep us posted op. I’m worried he’s gonna make you miserable.