Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ditched twat DH at the airport and gone on holiday without him?

1000 replies

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 16:07

I’m 32 and have never had a holiday abroad. It’s a combination of things really, growing up I had 2 disabled siblings and it wasn’t practical or financially possible to travel. Had a couple of caravan holidays in the rain but hated them as it unsettled my siblings and everybody was stressed.

Became a single mum at 21 (DD now 11), so once again couldn’t afford holidays. Met DH 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old DS. DH has been well-travelled over the years, but hasn’t had a holiday since meeting me as we’ve been saving up for general life expenses. The end of last year I have a bereavement and became quite sentimental, emotional about my children and general life experiences and sort of had a “grab life by the reins” moment and told DH I wanted to have a sunny family holiday together, and he agreed. We’re both a bit tight and I also don’t cope with overly hot weather (anything above 25 degrees is too much) so have chosen to go in March and set off early this morning. And before anybody asks yes I’m going to pay the fine from DD school.

Flight was with Ryanair. I had a checked bag for mine and the toddler’s stuff, DD had a 10kg carry on. Mine and DD’s bags were full but within guidelines. DH travels light so decided to just take a personal bag and filled it to the brim. He even ordered some sort of zip extension thing from Amazon to make it close more than it naturally should. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Me, DD and the baby sail through the gate and he gets stopped. I asked, in fact, begged him to just pay the extra charge so we could be on our way, we could afford it. It could’ve just been chalked up a lesson learnt, but no, he had to be a dick about it. He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”. At this point, he was told he would not be travelling (rightly so). He changed his tune then and tried to pay the fine but they weren’t having it. It was like an episode of Airline circa 1999. He then started an irritating speech about how it’s disgraceful etc etc and tried to get us all escorted out with him. I initially was going to go with him because I was stressed but DD was absolutely devastated as she’s been looking forward to the holiday for months. She started crying and I decided me and the kids would still go.

We arrived a few hours ago and are settled in our hotel but I’m on edge. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he thinks I was a cow for leaving him. He’s coming out tomorrow on a different flight (from a different airport...) and I’m dreading it. On the phone he said we should’ve all gone out tomorrow together. It’s only a 7 night holiday and who knows when the next one will be so for me every second counts especially as we wanted a combination of excursions and chilling days in the resort. If we flew out tomorrow we'd only get 2 resort days not to mention paying for all new flights. He’s not physically abusive or anything like that, I’m not scared, I just can’t be arsed listening to the moaning. Was I wrong to go without him?

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 14/03/2025 18:08

Bogginsthe3rd · 14/03/2025 16:34

YUBU for taking your daughter out of school in terms time. Selfish.

What a pointless comment.

GroggyLegs · 14/03/2025 18:08

You did exactly the right thing.

Aside from the fact he sounds awful (he sounds just like my PIL actually - warning: it doesn't get better as they age)...

Did he really expect you to pay for new flights for all 4 of you (what's that, min £150?) just because he can't pack within really clear & well advertised guidelines on the airline which is absolutely known for being a tyrant about bags?

He would not pay the £30 for a case, but £150+ is rational?

Tatemoderndrawyourown · 14/03/2025 18:08

FrenchFancie · 14/03/2025 16:14

Oh yes, and check his return flight and that he hasn’t been blacklisted for abusive behaviour.

He can do it

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/03/2025 18:10

Hopefully his return flight is canceled then the op gets another day or 2 of peace before he flies home

Bitofanchange · 14/03/2025 18:10

ladymammalade · 14/03/2025 17:58

Ryanair staff are generally total jobsworths, but everyone knows you just play the game.
DS went with under seat hand luggage and it didn’t fit in to their contraption. They wanted him to pay so he unpacked his bag, and put on several items of clothing plus a couple of shoes in pockets. It held up the queue, and once he was waved through he took it all off and put the stuff back in his bag. It was a big waste of time for everyone but he couldn’t afford to pay £60. He told them what he was going to do but they stood there and waited for him to do it, knowing he would still be getting on the plane with the same amount of stuff 🤷🏼‍♀️

Jobsworths?

Doing their job?

People like your son are chancers, can’t afford the £60, then don’t travel!

I wish they’d refused him putting stuff in his pockets, would’ve served the bloody tight wad right.

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Well I don't live in the UK, and my kids finished school so my decisions have absolutely no impact on the UK school system.

Tatemoderndrawyourown · 14/03/2025 18:10

Please think about your marriage. 1- he is abusive, even if he’s not beating you up. 2- is this the kind of male example you want your daughter to grow up with?

diddl · 14/03/2025 18:11

He was abusive to staff and called a girl who only looked about 20 a “jobsworth bitch”.

I wish he was so blacklisted that he couldn't get out at all tbh.

Zeroperspective · 14/03/2025 18:11

Honestly this behaviour would give me the ick, you need to be VERY clear with him that this mistreating service staff stops and it stops now. I truly hope he listens and doesn't ruin your much looked forward to and deserved holiday
Edited to add sorry, I'd have left him there too and I wouldn't be having him join us either

Haveyouanyjam · 14/03/2025 18:11

OP, are you really asking if YABU even though you know you’re not being unreasonable, because you are preparing yourself for a battle when he gets there where you will need to defend yourself? Argue the cost of you all going later was why you went when really it was because you were rightly prioritising yourself and your DC over your husband when he had behaved appallingly?

You did the right thing here, but if you are standing by when he abuses other service staff then that is not the right thing. Is it because you are worried he will turn on you instead if you support them?

In your heart right now, would you be looking forward to him coming if he wasn’t angry with you? Or does part of you feel like you would all be happier on holiday without him? Listen to what you know deep inside, you’ve got this.

AluckyEllie · 14/03/2025 18:11

I just knew he’d be an angry driver. He’s a misogynist who has learnt to mask his behaviours because of how it will affect him negatively in society. But put him in a position where there are people ‘beneath’ him (wrong term but can’t think how to explain) his true colours will come out. What a knob. Is this a relationship ender for you? Good on you for still going though, you showed your daughter not to put up with bad behaviour in a relationship.

eggsandwich · 14/03/2025 18:13

Does he only seem to be aggressive to the younger members of staff ?

I would tell him that he was an embarrassment and setting a bad example to your children by being verbally abusive, and that one day he will be aggressive to the wrong person and will suffer the consequences by needing a hospital visit or funeral parlour, and that you will never condone this behaviour and you will never support him if it happens again.

I would tell him you think it’s best that he stays home and does a lot of thinking and reflecting on his behaviour which it totally unacceptable and to pull his big boy pants up and act like an adult and not a bully.

murasaki · 14/03/2025 18:13

I think it will become clear that he will treat his son quite differently to your daughter.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/03/2025 18:14

AskingForTacos · 14/03/2025 17:55

He's fine in the house and never raises his voice at us but with service staff omg he's awful. He embarrassed us in Tesco Mobile the other week having a go at the lad working there because they wouldn't repair his uninsured phone there and then for him free of charge.

It's always been the biggest issue in our relationship.

The way that some people behave with people that they think are beneath them is very revealing of their character. Your DH is not a nice person and is a really poor role model for your children.

blubberyboo · 14/03/2025 18:15

No you did the right thing and just make it clear to him he was an absolute arse both at the airport and to you afterwards so if he thinks he's going to mention it or blame you again then he should not bother coming tomorrow.

Dollydaydream100 · 14/03/2025 18:17

AluckyEllie · 14/03/2025 18:11

I just knew he’d be an angry driver. He’s a misogynist who has learnt to mask his behaviours because of how it will affect him negatively in society. But put him in a position where there are people ‘beneath’ him (wrong term but can’t think how to explain) his true colours will come out. What a knob. Is this a relationship ender for you? Good on you for still going though, you showed your daughter not to put up with bad behaviour in a relationship.

Yes. And I bet if the security worker had been a burly 6"2" bloke the arsehole would be paid up without a squeak. These types of "men" only kick off with those who are less than them physically. Because they're absolute cowards.

LAMPS1 · 14/03/2025 18:17

You did well to stand firm and go without him. It was absolutely the right thing to do and you were very brave to do it.

His ego is very bruised and he feels totally humiliated now. He thinks he’s going to join you and can start laying down the law about how wrong they were and how you should have backed him up. Only if you agree with him will he feel better. He could try to punish you all week if you don’t give in to seeing it his way.

What you have to do is put a stop to that before it starts. You have the moral high ground here OP and you have a good chance to do it successfully.
So you need to nip it in the bud now, before tomorrow and let him know your expectations of his behaviour. Send him a message something like….

I hope you feel calmer and can reflect properly about what happened at the airport. It was wrong to verbally abuse the airport staff and I’m sure you recognise that now. Also hope you recognise that it would have been stupid to pay for new flights for us all and miss a day. It was a shocking experience for all of us over something so stupid and I’m sorry about that.
I’d like to put it all behind us now and enjoy the holiday without reference to it ever again. Please do that for all our sakes. We all look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Lets enjoy this holiday all of us…we deserve a nice time.

Hope he sees sense OP. Good luck!

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/03/2025 18:18

Not really the point, but just how much stuff was he taking? I am away for four days for work with a number of outfit changes and a laptop and managed to get all my stuff in my carry on with room spare.

WimbyAce · 14/03/2025 18:19

I bet he was so smug with his special zip thingy 😆 I'm all for saving money but not at the risk of a holiday!

Daleksatemyshed · 14/03/2025 18:20

Respect Op, you left him behind and I don't blame you at all. The way he speaks to anyone in a customer service role is a big, big red flag, he's another sad little man who makes himself feel better by belittling anyone who can't fight back. He'll see you leaving him behind as disrespect - he's going to be a right pain in the bum when he catches up with you Op

Cucy · 14/03/2025 18:21

Dollydaydream100 · 14/03/2025 18:17

Yes. And I bet if the security worker had been a burly 6"2" bloke the arsehole would be paid up without a squeak. These types of "men" only kick off with those who are less than them physically. Because they're absolute cowards.

Yes I was going to ask if he ever has this attitude with large blokes.
I’m guessing not because he can’t try and intimidate them.

Pedallleur · 14/03/2025 18:21

This will be like a death of 1000 cuts as he will bring it up regularly and/or use it against the op whenever he can. Easier to nip it in the bud now than suffer his nonsense for months or years to come

drspouse · 14/03/2025 18:21

Doingtheboxerbeat · 14/03/2025 16:35

If only he was like the guy from the other thread who doesn't like to carry his own keys but passport instead 🤔 now that would be hilarious.

I'm going to need a link...
So OP he called the ground staff woman a bitch and you a cow.
What exactly do you see in him?

CalleOcho · 14/03/2025 18:22

Good for you OP 👏👏👏👏

I hope you and your kids enjoy every minute before that vile man gets there. I hope even more he’s sulking that much he decides to just stay home.

You did the right thing. I’ve never been as more proud of a complete stranger.

FreeloaderWithAnAdBlocker · 14/03/2025 18:22

You haven’t known him for very long and you’ve now established that he’s an abusive misogynist.

I would be leaving him. Fuck having to spend life tiptoeing around someone like that.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread