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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that someone brought their chicken-pox ridden baby to a wedding yesterday?

76 replies

ManhattanMama · 12/05/2008 22:10

Now I know that once the spots are out, the child isn't meant to be infectious anymore (at least I think that's the case), but this baby has siblings and young cousins who she's been in contact with who were also at the wedding - they may have been contagious but showing no symptoms so far. I was letting the other kids play with DS until I was told (3 hours into the reception) about the other baby being ill.

I'm just really annoyed as we're off on a plane back to the US tomorrow so DS could be spreading it to all on sundry as the air recirculates around the plane!

So AIBU to think this baby should have stayed home even though the bride was her aunt?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 12/05/2008 22:12

unreasonable to think the baby should have been at home if she was no longer contagious.

I'd have been more annoyed by the possibly infected siblings/cousins tbh!

Heated · 12/05/2008 22:13

The majority of the adult population are immune whether they've had the pox or not. 4%, I've read, are not immune. More problematic for younger children who are not but tbh they're probably exposed to it through school, nursery, playgroup but unless they got it, you'd never know.

notnowbernard · 12/05/2008 22:15

Don't think I would have stressed about this

Am sure we are in contacted with all sorts of contagious folk all the time, no?

WilfSell · 12/05/2008 22:15

everyone is gonna get chickenpox or has had it since we don't vaccinate in the UK. if they haven't and are pregnant or a very young newborn it is an issue. Otherewise it's a pain in the arse worth getting over with.

You think the bride's sister/brother should have missed the wedding then?

Not unreasonable to be a bit anxious but annoyed? I'd be more concerned about whether the child was feeling up to it meself and if it was, so what?

Your kids could have got it from anywhere at anytime.. you can't protect them from all risks when it is convenient to you

notnowbernard · 12/05/2008 22:15

in contact

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 12/05/2008 22:15

Blimey, I thought when someone's child had chickenpox other mums were positively flocking to get their children infected with it!

I know of a very sad occasion whereby someone I know was never allowed to go to school when these sorts of illnesses did the rounds with the result that in later life she caught chicken pox while pregnant and that was the end of the pregnancy. If she'd been exposed to it as a child then it wouldn't have been a problem.

tori32 · 12/05/2008 22:17

YABVU, if a child is going to get it they will. Any child on the plane on the way over here could have had it and likewise on the way back. You are being neurotic.

LittleBella · 12/05/2008 22:17

Yes YABU

You getting on a plane cannot be expected to be a factor in whether they go to their close relative's wedding or not.

tori32 · 12/05/2008 22:18

PS it isn't soo easy to catch, as my next door neighbours' DCs both sides have had it and all my friends mindees plus my ex mindee, yet my dd1 has not had it.

Spidermama · 12/05/2008 22:25

YABU. Chill out. It's only chicken pox.

Original poster

ManhattanMama · 12/05/2008 22:31

Ooops that should have read all AND sundry.

Anyway, was surprised by the responses so far but it's interesting to hear that IABU!

Possibly a bit of PFB syndrome but DS is still pretty young and I was a bit when I found out that there was chicken-pox probably doing the rounds of the kids that were there.

For what it's worth - the bride apologised to me and said if she'd known in advance she would have let me know. And yes - I thought that her sister could have left the baby with her husband.

There were a couple of pregnant ladies there who were very unimpressed when they found out.

OP posts:

LaComtesse · 12/05/2008 22:33

I didn't catch CP off my daughter the first tme she had it and I nursed her. The second time I wasn't so lucky and I went down with it myself . Children can pick this things up from anywhere.

WilfSell · 12/05/2008 22:36

but apparently 90% of people are immune because they've had it, and even if you're pregnant it's only risky if you're v close to delivery or very early... so the risk is minimal even to the pregnant women

ravenAK · 12/05/2008 22:36

Actually, is there an age below which chicken pox should be avoided?

I've just cancelled a playdate as friend's ds HAS it, so her dd probably incubating it, & my youngest is 10 weeks.

Also influenced by the fact that SIL's baby is 6 weeks. She & I are in & out of each other's houses continually atm, so anything I choose to expose my dc to is heading her way too...

LaComtesse · 12/05/2008 22:39

My sister had CP when she was a baby - I avoided it since it was before I was born! My elder siblings caught it from a crowded cinema and passed it around the family.

unknownrebelbang · 12/05/2008 22:46

So, the bride's sister should have left the baby at home even though she's over the contagious period, and should have left the siblings/cousins at home just in case they might be contagious.

Based on that logic, everyone should stay at home - just in case.

Original poster

ManhattanMama · 13/05/2008 08:25

Definitely interesting to hear the other views! I am obviously in the minority

As it happens, my DH is the groom's brother (and the best man), and had our DS (7 months) had chicken pox I would certainly have stayed at home with him. The least I would have done would be to inform the bride and groom before hand, so they could let other parents/pregnant people decide for themselves whether they took the risk.

Anyway, thanks for the honest opinions!

OP posts:

misdee · 13/05/2008 08:31

YANBU

unless all the spots had scabbed over then the baby would've still been contagious.

if my dh would;ve been there i would've thrown a massive paddy.

but then i am BU.

lol.

FunkyGlassSlipper · 13/05/2008 08:35

There have been a lot of chicken pox threads lately. I dont think that a family should isolate themselves in case other siblings are infected, but I do think it is unreasonable to deliberately infect your own child which many people seem happy to do.

In this case, you are trying to ensure the welfare of your child. It IS much worse to get it as an adult. DD has had it last week and in a few days was fine, I had it a few years ago and had over a month off work.

So YAB a teeny bit U.

belgo · 13/05/2008 08:35

It simply depends on whether or not the child was still infectious - did you bother asking to find out?

The spots can remain for quite a while after the infection has gone.

But of course if the child was still infectious, then no way should she have been taken to a wedding.

FunkyGlassSlipper · 13/05/2008 08:36

Oh and My DD is not infectious anymore as she has scabbed over but she still looks awful and people are noticibly avoiding her

NappiesGalore · 13/05/2008 08:38

yes yabu

jenkel · 13/05/2008 08:38

To be honest I would have been slightly worried, more about impending illness rather than chicken pox. My dd's have had chicken pox but prior to the time they had it they were exposed to it lots and didnt get it. Chicken pox is best to get young. My friends ds had it just as she was about to give birth, and then her tiny 1 week old baby got it. He did get it quite badly but it was so easy to deal with, no scratching etc. She had a lot more problems with her 4 year old having it than her new born baby. Felt so sorry for her though, just given birth, grumpy 4 year old with chicken pox and a new born with chicken pox.

bubblagirl · 13/05/2008 08:40

if the baby was not contagious then baby is fine to be at wedding

if other children were in contact they too should be ok to have been at wedding it would have needed to have been certain time scale for them to be infected either way they wont know as no spots and no spots no chicken pox in anyones eyes

but i can see why you may be upset but it takes two weeks from contact of child well 10-24 days before spots will appear so you should be home safe and best to get it young anyway

not many parents i know would take infected child out so would imagine spots had scabbed or were just left with scar spots as all healed

so unless in contact with actual infected child which you would never know anyway as anyone from child in park play group anywhere with no obvious spots its a chance everyone takes so try not to be to annoyed

you could sit next to an infected child on the plane and not know as no spots

amyjade · 13/05/2008 09:09

I had a similar discussion on a here a few weeks ago and was told to keep Dd2 away from playschool as Ds had chicken pox?

How do you know that the child's siblings will definatly get it? they don't always.
I think it would have been totally unreasonable to keep them away from a family wedding just incase.

Dd2 has now got chicken pox exactly 14 days after Ds so it takes a while for the virus to develop. She is covered in spots especialy on her face so i'm sure i will get all the dirty looks when i take her out with scabs!!

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