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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that someone brought their chicken-pox ridden baby to a wedding yesterday?

76 replies

ManhattanMama · 12/05/2008 22:10

Now I know that once the spots are out, the child isn't meant to be infectious anymore (at least I think that's the case), but this baby has siblings and young cousins who she's been in contact with who were also at the wedding - they may have been contagious but showing no symptoms so far. I was letting the other kids play with DS until I was told (3 hours into the reception) about the other baby being ill.

I'm just really annoyed as we're off on a plane back to the US tomorrow so DS could be spreading it to all on sundry as the air recirculates around the plane!

So AIBU to think this baby should have stayed home even though the bride was her aunt?

OP posts:
belgo · 13/05/2008 13:08

littlepinkpixie - I also considered the vaccine for my children. But I decided against in the end for precisely the reason you state: they don't know how long the vaccine will last for, and they could go on to develop cp as an adult. Also it doesn't protect against shingles.

If I lived in a country where all children were vaccinated against CP, such as the USA, I would have it done.

McDreamy · 13/05/2008 13:12

The current research is that it has lasted as long as the oldest vaccine. I think China started vaccinating first and it's up to around 25 years. I understand that if the people first vaccinated start developing CP then they will be able to calculate when a booster vaccine needs to be administered (if at all).

Blu · 13/05/2008 13:15

YANBU - and from your description, it sounds as if the baby was infectious. The disease is highly infectious when the spots are present, until they have completely dried out / scabbed over.

I think it's fine if other poeple wnat to deliberately infect their children, but not fine if someone else takes a decision that it's 'fine' to infect someone else as 'they have to get it some time'. At a wedding there would be likely to be pg women at the 'risky' stage and other immune-compromised people.

Minniethemoocher · 13/05/2008 18:30

Blueskythinker - Yes, I had DD privately vaccinated at a clinic that does single MMR shots. IM me if you want the details

Upwind · 14/05/2008 12:31

YANBU

It was inconsiderate to bring a baby with chickenpox to a wedding - where vulnerable people may be exposed.

Annabel1 · 02/03/2009 09:14

I always felt that I would like to leave it up to fate when my dd got chicken Pox although I knew she would and was not bothered about it per se. But I would have been cross if an actively CP child was there and I hadn't had the choice of whetner to avoid it at that time. YANBU unless all the spots were scabbed over. We've had the pox recently and whilst I responsibly kept away before the scabs completed I could not and would not stay in until all signs gone because she was not infectious then. There would be no reason to. As for staying away from society when exposed - we'd all be in all the time and a lot more pg women would be having CP problems because no children would catch it.
FWIW ds (three months) also had it and NHS direct and GP not worried any more than if he'd been older. Newborns might be different.

kslatts · 02/03/2009 09:39

YABU - did you expect the baby and everyone he had been in contact with to miss the wedding?

ChippingIn · 02/03/2009 09:40

YANBU if the baby was contagious, but U if it was past that stage.
YABU to expect the 'possibly contagious' cousins to stay home.

If the LO's were contagious I would stay home till that bit was over, but would go out with spots still there.

LO's are immunised against CP. Eldest done as routine overseas, yongest here - just asked the GP, gave us a prescription, made another Dr's appt to get the vaccine given to her. No problem and no cost (even though we were prepared to pay).

If they weren't immunised I wouldn't deliberately expose them to CP and wouldn't be happy about people taking their infectious children to public places (school/toddler groups/supermarket etc). Of course it's a bit different with CP as it's very infectious before you know it, in which case you can't know not to take them places.

Divineintervention · 02/03/2009 09:42

YABU.... you can't expect people who are not infectious to stay away and people that might be, well that's ridiculous.

mrsturnip · 02/03/2009 09:52

If baby was infectious should have been at home, but if you have had chickenpox then chances are your 7 month old will still have immunity.

Ds1 had CP when DS2 was 8 months - we were seeing a paediatrician for ds1 about something unrelated at the time and I asked him whether ds2 was likely to get it. He said 50:50 but wasn't remotely bothered about it. It's not dangerous in a baby (except a newborn). The main problem with babies getting it is that they often only get a mild dose so get it again.

mrsturnip · 02/03/2009 09:53

oh and it's really not that infectious. DS2 was exposed to his brother and sat through at least 3 rounds at nursery before he finally caught it. Thank god. Had a letter sent home in ds3's bookbag on Friday saying someone in his pre-school class has chickenpox, was great to be able to bin it saying 'all 3 boys have had it'.

mrsturnip · 02/03/2009 09:55

should clarify- not that infectious compared to something like measles. I wouldn't worry unless I had an extra reason too (late pregnancy with no history of chickenpox/dodgy immune system etc).

WinkyWinkola · 02/03/2009 10:01

Well, if your DS came out in spots before you got on an aeroplane, then I would be really annoyed because they might not let him on the 'plane!

But generally speaking, I'm all for generally mild childhood illnesses being spread amongst my children anyway.

But there could have been more vulnerable people at the wedding I guess.....

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

duchesse · 02/03/2009 10:02

When my second child had chicken pox, we were invited to a garden party. I didn't think anybody was likely to be affected by it, but luckily asked the host if anybody was likely to be. It turned out that the host's mother was having treatment for cancer and could have been killed by the exposure to my daughter, so am very glad we asked.

Having said that, the child you saw is unlikely to be very contagious still if she is beyond the early stages of the disease. Chicken pox is everywhere among toddlers- your child could have caught it from anybody, and most people will have had it already, so I wouldn't worry about it frankly.

NorkyButNice · 02/03/2009 10:05

Rest assured one and all - I started this thread (in my previous PFB laden guise) back in May 2008, so the chicken pox fear has been averted!

Move along now...

ChippingIn · 02/03/2009 10:07

The thing is, you don't know who is having cancer treatment, who is pregnant (might not be showing and might not have told anyone yet) or if anyone else is in the 'danger zone' do you. So isn't it better to keep infected people confined to your own home?

For most people CP is annoying but harmless, but when this is not the case it can be life threatening - so why risk infecting people for the sake of staying home for a little while?

CP does indeed seem to be rife at the moment - just when most people have finally got rid of the winter flu!!

edam · 02/03/2009 10:08

Agree with those saying YANBU if the child was contagious. And those who are pointing out chickenpox is not always a minor illness so it's important that parents of c-pox ridden children think of others. I imagine it might be a problem for people who are immuno-compromised like those who have had organ transplants, for instance, as well as pregnant women and babies.

Parent of chickenpox child should have been reassuring everyone that child was no longer contagious (if that's the case) rather than leaving everyone to worry.

micku5 · 02/03/2009 10:16

My dd2 has Di George syndrome and is immuno compromised, so therefore CP could cause some serious complications if she catches it and there is also a risk of death were she to catch CP or measles which is why I have had her vaccinated against both.

Most of our friends know about her medical situation and will always check with me if they think they child has been exposed to someone with CP (rife at the preschool atm)

mrsturnip · 02/03/2009 10:18

ha ha - Did he catch it norky?

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/03/2009 10:46

if the spots were crusted over then they arent infectious

you are most infectious the day before you pop out in spots(and generally you dont know you are going to pop) and then the first few days with spots you are highly infectious

my ex charge managed to give cp to a whole party as she came out in the evening after the party (still have no idea who she caught it from)

tech the childs siblings/cousins might be carriers and tbh it would have been nice of the aunt to mention it to the bride that they had been in contact with cp - as well as the other parents who had been in contact with theat family

your child will be fine to fly, though he may pop out 10/14 days later - so he MAY get it on holiday/coming home

BCNS · 02/03/2009 10:51

if the spots were out but not scabbed over, then I would be more concerned for the LO.. as they could still be feeling rather poorly.

But if they were scabbed over, then it's not a problem.

katiestar · 02/03/2009 11:06

YABVU.
The baby and the children who could be carrying it were close family of the bride.
If you are so worried about your DS catching it then maybe you should stay at home on the offchance of catching anything
My GP told me that CP is a risk to immune suppressed people such as those recéiving cancer treatment or those who have has a transplant.
There is a very small window at the end of pregnancy where if a PG woman catches it she may pass the CP but not have time to pass the antibodies on to the newborn

Sunflower100 · 02/03/2009 12:06

YANBU people are infectious until spots crust over so sounds like child was infectious. So very selfish esp if anyone pregnant was at wedding.
Probably the last thing the lo felt like doing anyway. I do find it odd when people take this 'carry on as normal' line when dcs are ill but wouldn't go themselves if they were.

Sunflower100 · 02/03/2009 12:07

Katiestar - it can also be very serious if caught before 20 weeks in pg - so is often at a time when the pregnancy isn't 'public'.

Sassybeast · 02/03/2009 12:28

YANBU. Kids should avoid deliberately putting others at risk (elderly, imuno compromised, pregnant and small babies etc) Stupid irresponsible parents. It's a myth that every parent 'wants' their kid to have chicken pox - my eldest ended up in hospital with the bloody disease spread to her lungs and I do NOT want my others to get it. Stupid stupid and selfish.

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