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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that someone brought their chicken-pox ridden baby to a wedding yesterday?

76 replies

ManhattanMama · 12/05/2008 22:10

Now I know that once the spots are out, the child isn't meant to be infectious anymore (at least I think that's the case), but this baby has siblings and young cousins who she's been in contact with who were also at the wedding - they may have been contagious but showing no symptoms so far. I was letting the other kids play with DS until I was told (3 hours into the reception) about the other baby being ill.

I'm just really annoyed as we're off on a plane back to the US tomorrow so DS could be spreading it to all on sundry as the air recirculates around the plane!

So AIBU to think this baby should have stayed home even though the bride was her aunt?

OP posts:
TinkerbellesMum · 13/05/2008 09:28

The baby wasn't contagious, the ones who were you wouldn't know about. So the baby staying at home would have been pointless as s/he wasn't going to spread it and it would have been impossible to know who was going to spread it.

Last year my brothers kids all got chicken pox but Tink didn't, we're quite a close family so she was in contact with it. She went into hospital that week for something different and had to be isolated because she may have been incubating. There was no way to know.

TinkerbellesMum · 13/05/2008 09:40

"I thought that her sister could have left the baby with her husband."

Why? Baby isn't contagious and you're talking about the brides BIL not some random acquaintance or distant relative. I wouldn't want to miss the wedding because someone might be offended at how my child looks.

"...and had our DS (7 months) had chicken pox I would certainly have stayed at home with him."

If you knew he had it he wouldn't be contagious, so it would be pointless.

"The least I would have done would be to inform the bride and groom before hand, so they could let other parents/pregnant people decide for themselves whether they took the risk."

Why? If he's not contagious? You get a load of ignorant people not going because of a fear of something that's not real.

IMO YANBU to worry about your child, but YABU to expect that someone should have stayed home.

ecoworrier · 13/05/2008 09:46

I think you are totally right. You say the spots were 'out' - chicken pox is contagious until they have crusted over, so that child probably was contagious.

While most of us don't suffer unduly with chicken pox, some people really do suffer and have complications. It is also very dangerous to an unborn child at a specific time of pregnancy (can't remember which!).

It's one thing us being exposed to something unknowingly - many diseases are most contagious before you know you have them - but to knowingly take a contagious child is totally unreasonable.

Unless of course, the child really couldn't be contagious at that stage, in which case the parents and the hostess should have reassured people this was the case.

littlepinkpixie · 13/05/2008 09:46

It sounds like you dont know for sure if the baby was infectious or not.
Advice is to keep the child in for 5 days after the rash has appeared

here

I think that if the baby was contagious, then YANBU

Your DS will not be infectious yet if he did catch it yesterday, so the people on the plane should be fine.

cory · 13/05/2008 09:59

YABU

Bringing a child you knew was infectious- yes bad.

But by your account, the baby was not.

As for staying at home with any child who had been in contact with a chicken pox child- that seems totally unreasonable.

My dc's were in close contact with chicken pox cases at least 10 times before they finally caught it. Should I have kept them away from other children, from nursery, from school, from travelling on every single one of those occasions? It's plain impossible. Schools would have to close if that were the case.

kslatts · 13/05/2008 10:03

I think YABU, did you expect the siblings and cousins of the child with chicken pox to not attend the wedding just in case they had recently caught chicken pox and didn't yet know. Does that also mean that you now shouldn't take your ds on the plane just in case he has caught it.

purpleduck · 13/05/2008 10:04

Here here tinkerbelle

When I had shingles (for the 2nd time!) a few years ago the Public Health Nurse told me not to bother staying at home. She said there are so many contagious people walking around at any given moment that little old me wouldn't make a big difference.

It bugs me that the poor baby in question was looked at like some sort of leper.

Some kids' spots crust over really quickly, but the scabs linger, and they really look terrible. Maybe this was the baby.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 13/05/2008 11:02

Oh no - getting chicken pox is good! My 7.5 month old DD has been exposed via our lovely childminders daughter - best to get it over and done with I think.

cory · 13/05/2008 11:07

Kslatts is certainly right. If it was the duty of those other children's parents to keep them at home from the wedding, then it's equally your duty to cancel your flight. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

fyi I did cancel a flight and stay abroad when my dd actually had chickenpox, rather than expose some poor pregnant woman to the risk. But if I'd stayed every time she might have had an infectious disease, I might as well have taken up permanent residence.

Blueskythinker · 13/05/2008 11:56

I have to disagree - I don't think chickenpox is alright at all - the virus lays dormant in your spinal cord, and can resurface as shingles (multiple times) in later life. I think it is mad that we don't vaccinate in the UK. This is as well as the dreadful scarring which can occur. My DS got it really severely when he was only 7 weeks old, and he is really badly scarred fro it - If I had had an opportunity to vaccinate (I think it can only be done once they are a year old) I would have done.

Chickenpox is contagious until the spots actually scab, (usually about a week after they appear). It is a misconception that they are not contagious once the spots appear.

Incubation period following contact is usually 12-14 days, and a person is contagious 2 days before the spots appear, so I think you are fine flying.

Sunshine78 · 13/05/2008 12:09

Chicken pox isn't harmful. My dd got it (no worse than other kids I know) it ended up destroying her bonemarrow to the point where she nearly died from an infectoin as her body had no white blood cells to fight it. She was then on antibiotics for months until her bonemarrow recovered. I have a friend whos ds would probalby die if he got chicken pox due his immune problems.

I felt like others before all this and wanted my kids to get it - now I wish they had been vaccinated.

People should keep infectious children away from others - sorry if it causes problems with rearranging diaries but you cant repalce a child if they die.

Blueskythinker · 13/05/2008 12:09

The NHS direct web-site states that 25% of new babies who contract chickenpox die. A friend called round with her pox ridden (still infectious) children when my DD was a week old. You can imagine how happy I was.

I do think there is a social responsibility to isolate children when they are in the infectious stage of chickenpox - I didn't bring them out when either of mine got it. If some parents are pretty relaxed about their DC catching it, that's fine, but there are loads more people for whom chickenpox will have serious consequences.

Also, an infectious case of CP is what can trigger the dormant virus in people who have already had it, causing shingles.

Blueskythinker · 13/05/2008 12:09

The NHS direct web-site states that 25% of new babies who contract chickenpox die. A friend called round with her pox ridden (still infectious) children when my DD was a week old. You can imagine how happy I was.

I do think there is a social responsibility to isolate children when they are in the infectious stage of chickenpox - I didn't bring them out when either of mine got it. If some parents are pretty relaxed about their DC catching it, that's fine, but there are loads more people for whom chickenpox will have serious consequences.

Also, an infectious case of CP is what can trigger the dormant virus in people who have already had it, causing shingles.

belgo · 13/05/2008 12:14

'an infectious case of CP is what can trigger the dormant virus in people who have already had it, causing shingles.'

I'm not sure that's true. I'd like to see a reference for that statement.

EssieW · 13/05/2008 12:29

YABU - this is a really hard thing for the parents to call.

I took my DS to wedding this weekend - he could be incubating chickenpox (and had a temp on Thurs and Fri). But we still went - because there is no way of knowing if and when he is going to get it. And I can't quarantine him for the rest of his life. I haven't had chickenpox myself either. I guess the pregnant women who were there have a right to be concerned - though only if they haven't had it. Even if they haven't it would be difficult to get unless they were in very close contact with child. I spent all week in holiday cottage with baby we knew was incubating pox - and still didn't get it.

McDreamy · 13/05/2008 12:30

Belgo you are correct that statement is NOT true. CP does not cause shingles.

Blueskythinker · 13/05/2008 12:40

I didn't know about this either until my mum, who has had shingles 3 times and has a low immune system told me - her GP has advised her to stay away from infectious individuals with CP. I was a bit disbelieving, but looked it up on a reputable site, and it was on the site.

Can't remember now which site it was, but I will have a search and post a link.

belgo · 13/05/2008 12:45

I wonder if she was told to stay away from people with chicken pox because of the risk of her catching chicken pox again - it is possible for people to catch it more then once, especially if they are immuno compromised because they may have lost the immunity they previously had.

littlepinkpixie · 13/05/2008 12:53

Apparently exposure to people with chicken pox can help prevent shingles, as exposure to chicken pox boosts your own immunity, so keeping shingles at bay.

Blueskythinker · 13/05/2008 12:55

Oh dear, I am happy to admit when I am wrong. I have had a look and can't find anything which says you can catch shingles from CP, only the other way round.

Please disregard my last - but I still think it is socially responsible not to bring infectious children out when they have CP.

Minniethemoocher · 13/05/2008 12:57

Chickenpox is NOT harmless! I have a friend whose DD contracted it as a baby, it led to complications and she was severely brain damaged as a result, unusual and tragic yes, but why take the risk when there is a vaccine for it?

I also have an axed to grind as I am not immune to chickpox, and I am currently pregnant! I had DD vaccinated against it last year, so at least she will not infect me.

BTW, you can also contract chickenpox from someone with shingles.

I may be wrong but in the USA children who are not vaccinated against MMR and Chickenpox are not allowed to start kindergarten.

I expect that I may get "flamed" for being pro-vaccine, but hey ho!

Blueskythinker · 13/05/2008 12:58

Minnie, where did you get the CP vaccine? Was it in the UK? Did you have to go privately?

PeachyHas4BoysAndLovesIt · 13/05/2008 13:00

our friend did that to a barbecue a few weeks back- ds4 was 2 weeks but must have my immunity as all clear. ds3 caught cp at 3 months and had a horrid time as it went on his chest.

she let him coo over bas then said 'oh he's been with x who has gone down with cp'- she assumed i'd wany bas to catch it, but no- not until he's seen cardiac paed, is older, etc

McDreamy · 13/05/2008 13:00

I have also had my children immunised against cp

littlepinkpixie · 13/05/2008 13:02

I've been thinking about getting my DD vaccinated against chicken pox. One of the reasons that I'm still uncertain about it is that as far as I am aware there is still uncertainty about how long the vaccine is effective for, and the one thing that I'm sure about is that I dont want her catching it when she is an adult.