To think DD is never going to sleep through …

[allwoundup]

Logically I know she will, at some point anyway but … she’s 20 months now and I’m so so over being up for hours every night.

I know co sleeping is pushed on here but it doesn’t work for us. She just stays awake and thrashes around.

Sleep is very erratic, there’s no predictability at all to it. Some nights she wakes before I go to bed at about 9. Some nights (like tonight) she sleeps until 2/3 then it takes a good hour to two hours to resettle her. Some nights she goes straight back to sleep but wakes two or three times (or more.) Very, very occasionally, maybe once every two months, she will randomly sleep through and I’m walking on cloud nine the next day and then I’m brought back down to earth as there’s another crap night.

I have actually tried sleep training her using gradual retreat; it didn’t work. It did for her brother who was actually a much worse sleeper.

We have a solid routine, she doesn’t nap for too long, she eats quite well.

She has now been awake an hour I’m up for work at 6.

Honestly, I know it’s an awful thing to say but I wish I hadn’t had her. I know she will sleep through eventually but it’s just not worth years of misery. I absolutely hate the way I go to bed and have no idea what the night ahead will bring.

Currently up with my 20 month old DS in exactly the same situation as you! He’s up for the second time tonight and will be up for about 2 hours. I’m also up at 6 for a full 13 hour day at work. I’m constantly exhausted.

No advice but you are not alone. I’m sure they will sleep through one day but I can see him being school age before he does.

Same. It sucks. Not that I wish misery on anyone. It makes me so angry is the worst thing, I wasn’t at first but an hour later I’m just completely fed up. She’s now up watching me tumble and I just don’t want her anywhere near me..

Sending solidarity as horrible to be awake in the night. I promise this will pass. Mine are now sleepy teens who you can’t prize out of bed. Now it is ME that can’t sleep.

My oldest was a terrible sleeper. I think if you work you have to find a way to get back to sleep. For us that was co sleeping. But understand that isn’t for everyone. Would a mattress on the floor in her room work? You could be near her for comfort but maybe get some rest yourself?

Do you have a partner you could share waking with so you get a full night some nights?

I hope someone else posts with more ideas. I just wanted to mainly say it won’t always be like this. I promise it will one day be a distant memory and it will have been worth the pain.

If you sleep with her she just … doesn’t sleep. I think when she’s like this you’ve no chance whatever; she’s up, she’s awake. 3am is not my choice of time to start the day but apparently it is.

Sounds really tough. Interrupted sleep is hard- I know as currently up with a newborn. I know you haven’t asked for advice, so sorry if this is annoying, but I wonder if she might be undertired? You mentioned she sometimes wakes up before you go to bed at 9- how long has she already been in bed by this point? I have a 2 year old who, after some very rough, very long months of multiple wake ups all night long started sleeping through at just over a year and now reliably sleeps through every night. However, he usually doesn’t fall asleep until 9. He just isn’t tired enough for an earlier bedtime. Have you tried adjusting her sleep schedule before?

Well, she woke from her nap at just gone 1 today and honestly eight hours awake is a long time for a child of this age, I’d say her maximum awake time is 6. When she’s wakes at 9 she generally goes straight back to sleep anyway; it’s these early hours of the morning wakes that are hard to deal with. I included that just to show there’s absolutely no pattern or rhythm to my nights with her.

What time does she go to bed at.you say she wakes at 9 pm.maybe an hour or so later. So if 7pm usually, maybe 8.00 or 8.30.see if that works.

My first was like this , would be awake from 3 am most days and it was draining !
he dropped his nap a few days after his 2 birthday and sleep improved abit , he would still wake in the night but would go back to sleep at least ! By the age of 3 he was sleeping through the night 50% and at 4 he was sleeping through most of the time .

So tonight she went to sleep at 7, and then woke up at 315.

There is no predictability to this. She very very occasionally sleeps through. She sometimes wakes two hours after I’ve put her down. She sometimes wakes eight hours after I’ve put her down. Sometimes she’ll wake four hours later, then wake another two hours later, then another two. Sometimes she’ll go straight back to sleep, sometimes she’s up for two hours, sometimes … Get the idea? Sorry, I know that sounds rude but I can’t adjust her routine based on a simple ‘oh, she’s waking at 9, well put her down later.’ Even if she WAS waking predictably at 9, if I put her to bed then all that would happen would be she’d wake at 11.

What happens when she wakes at 3?

what are you doing/what is she doing?

Everything wrong, I’m sure. I didn’t really post for advice to be honest.

Sleep deprivation is living hell. But may I ask why you don't want advice?

You have my sympathy both mine are older now so sleep is consistent…however they never slept through the night until they started school 😳. It was a tough, sleep deprived 8/9 years as once one started consistently sleeping the other was born and took the trophy.. I have no recommendation for you other than I suspect I was over heating mine… they literally like just a pair of pants to sleep in and the quilt no matter how cold it is… at school age they could communicate the preference just to wear pants/shorts. I would put vests/pyjamas etc and I know it sounds silly but if I was to rewind I would just try a vest in a sleeping bag or something.… good luck you will get through it but it’s a slog.

No advice I'm afraid but it is absolute hell. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. She attended nursery from age 2 and nothing would tire her. Changing bed time didn't work, all the lavender spray in the world didn't work, taking her out for an extra walk didn't help, feeding more never helped.
Even now she's 8 and has been awake for the past half hour.
It is very difficult OP

My DS finally went back to sleep at 5:45, I thought I’d go back to sleep until 6:30 instead of waking at 6. My eldest woke up early at 5:55 so that’s out the window.

My DS sounds exactly the same as your DD, no predictably. I think one of the worst parts is not knowing what the night will bring. I’m absolutely fine on the nights he wakes up, has a bottle (up for about an hour) then goes back to sleep. The nights like last night where he was up twice for 2 hours each time are horrendous.

Because what can people say? It’ll be the usual merry go round of co sleep, have you tried a mattress on the floor, increased the nap, drop the nap, bed later, bed earlier. If there was a sort of rhythm to her wakings then possibly but there isn’t. So the other night she slept through; I did nothing different on that day, she just - did. I don’t think there’s much I can do, to be honest.

@Bournetilly we are living the same life … I got DD back down at 5, but I have to get up myself now!

It's really hard. Neither of my kids sleep through but we manage it by co sleeping

If your daughter is awake but happy, could you sleep/doze in her bed while she plays in her room? That's what I've done when my kids wake early

I'm in the same boat as you with my 21 month old. I think teething is the main issue but I've used that excuse for over a year now!

My advice is, and this goes against everything you will read on Mumsnet and the internet, but TV is your friend at 2a.m. (it sounds like you're doing that anyway). I stick an episode of In the NIght Garden or Mr Tumble on for 30 mins and it (usually) distracts from the screaming/crying and settles DS down enough to put him back in his cot. Ignore the stupidity about no screen time or blue light or whatever virtue signalling BS people come up with to insinuate TV is the worst thing in the world for a toddler.

Personally co sleeping destroyed me. I get it works for some people but not for me. If I could go back I'd do so many things differently.

Co sleeping can work, it would sort of worked for DS because he’d go to sleep in my bed, but the problem is I can’t sleep when they are there, especially with DS as he kicks. DD will absolutely not sleep if she’s next to me though; she just wants to chat and play which is sweet but not at 4am 😬

@Flinderskleepers yes I sort of get to the point where I’m a bit like - well, you’re not going to sleep, are you!? I suspect teeth; I hope so really as there’s an end in sight, but I do worry she’s got into bad habits.

It’s very hard when they don’t sleep well, some kids just aren’t good sleepers and don’t sleep through or they wake very early. I was one of those who never slept through and still don’t. To make life easier for yourself until your dd does sleep through, can you set up her room so she can do something by herself when she wakes up? She’s quite young but you could start her with a gro clock to show it’s not getting up time yet. Give her a Yoto or Toni box so she can listen to stories when she wakes (they’re easy to use so a 20 month old will be fine to use it by themselves). That way she might learn that when she wakes she doesn’t always need you.

She has a Tonie box but she isn’t really able to just lie there and listen to it. It’s a hard stage because I can’t reason with her, and attempts to leave her (even with lullabies on) send her absolutely nuclear. It’s just impossible to predict what will happen, and it’s that which is really tough. If you know that every night you’ll be woken at a certain time then it’s rubbish but there’s a sort of familiarity to it as well; DD is just all over the place and it does get you down.

I don't have any useful advice other than to say DS didn't sleep through until he was nearly 3 and in a full size bed. He's now 6 and sleeps 7:30-7:30 though!