To think DD is never going to sleep through …

[allwoundup]

Logically I know she will, at some point anyway but … she’s 20 months now and I’m so so over being up for hours every night.

I know co sleeping is pushed on here but it doesn’t work for us. She just stays awake and thrashes around.

Sleep is very erratic, there’s no predictability at all to it. Some nights she wakes before I go to bed at about 9. Some nights (like tonight) she sleeps until 2/3 then it takes a good hour to two hours to resettle her. Some nights she goes straight back to sleep but wakes two or three times (or more.) Very, very occasionally, maybe once every two months, she will randomly sleep through and I’m walking on cloud nine the next day and then I’m brought back down to earth as there’s another crap night.

I have actually tried sleep training her using gradual retreat; it didn’t work. It did for her brother who was actually a much worse sleeper.

We have a solid routine, she doesn’t nap for too long, she eats quite well.

She has now been awake an hour I’m up for work at 6.

You’re describing my now two year old exactly. We found that offering half a banana before bedtime really helped as it encourages sleep. We also started using a magnesium and lavender cream on his feet and legs as part of his routine also helps. Stay with it. It’s torture but I promise it does improve as they get bigger. Mine is nearly three and he sleeps through more nights than he wakes now. It’s so brutal but keep going and try to look after yourselves ladies!

Something my health visitor said, many years ago, has always stayed with me 'some babies and children just don't sleep through'
I know it's shit but once it was said I did just accept it! He is 15 now, still doesn't sleep all night but neither do I. It does get easier

We are the same with our 21 month old. It will improve. My 4 year old now sleeps solidly!

This! OP, we had a terrible sleeper. Resolved almost overnight with a move to a full sized bed. I always suggest to people at their wits end with nothing to lose to give it a try.

I do sympathise OP, it was a miserable time.

I promise, it will end.
My oldest (who does GCSE's this summer) was horrific. But you will find a way to muddle through. And then you can reason with them, and they can spend a bit of time playing independently.
Our rule (bit older than yours, admittedly) was stay in bed til the clock starts with a 5, stay in your room til the clock starts with a 6. My saving grace in the early days was DH taking the kids out on a Saturday and Sunday day morning. And I went back to bed from about 10 -2. Those four straight hours of sleep were what I needed to feel like I'd slept. Can you find a way to make sonething like that happen?

On the plus side, these non sleeping babies are supposed to be smart cookies (true in our case) and are dry at night quite easily, because they don't have such a deep sleep!!

What's her routine like? What time does she nap/ go to sleep/eat dinner? How much screentime?

Is she in a bed/ cot? Nightlight?

I'd sleep train, she's 1. I'd have her in a cot and sleeping bag, white noise and do gradual retreat.

The only thing that helped mine when they had sleep regressions was being very boring at wake ups, just repeating that it was bedtime and putting them back in bed. Very emotionless.

My almost 5 year old still doesn't sleep through. We moved him to a double bed when he was around 2 so we could sleep in his bed with him. If I'm in his bed, he'll normally sleep 7.45pm til 6.30am. I remember the days when he would wake up at 3am and then not to down for a nap until 8.30am (I started work at 8.45am). It is exhausting having a non-sleeper

I survived by putting a double bed in their room. They slept alone for as long as they did, then when I went to settle them at night I could get in with them and if they fell asleep fast go back to my bed, otherwise stay with them and cosleep.

Solidarity OP. Sleep deprivation is the worst! My DS didn’t ever sleep through until he turned 2, not even once. I think it was mainly down to teething. We just gave up on trying to have any sort of an evening to ourselves and would just go to bed when he did (7pm ish) and that way at least we’d get enough sleep to get through the day. Then we’d both take turns to have a nap at weekends.
DS is now 4.5 and reliably sleeps 8pm-6.30/7am. He was also dry at night almost as soon as we started potty training at 2.5. Now he’s sleeping I’ve forgotten the worst of it but it’s taken several years to catch up on all those missed hours of sleep! Hope it improves for you as time goes on.

Sometimes you just need to howl into the void, so howl away. Is there any way you can get a night away to just sleep? Stay with someone, or a cheap hotel?

My experience with ds1 was that he often wouldn't sleep for more than 45 minutes. He would only go back to sleep on top of me, so co sleeping was pointless as he didn't want to be next to. At about 1.5 did the supernanny thing and kept putting him back lying down in the cot until I could get him to go to sleep there initially. He was still up umpteen times a night until 2.5 when something clicked and he slept through.

He is older primary age now and has slept through since. He still seems to need less sleep generally and is always up early, but we all get up early, so that's fine. I survived somehow and ds2 slept sooooo much better. Good luck!

I was in the same position not long ago. It was literal torture and is big reason I got PND - so I really feel for you going through this. My son’s sleep finally improved when we put him in his own big bed in his own room and I stopped breastfeeding - he’s 2.5. He does still wake sometimes twice a night or has the occasional awake for hours for no reason night but compared to what is was is so much better! So there is hope!

My twins didn’t sleep through until they were 4 years old.
I actually don’t know if they started sleeping through then or just stopped waking me up when they woke.

They were both later diagnosed with ADHD and both have very high IQ. One still has issues sleeping at night at 20 but they have managed their own sleep schedule for years.

My other 2 were great sleepers from a very young age.

Some people just don’t sleep.

This brings back awful memories. It is so so hard. I hated my second child because they just did not sleep. I am not sure how I got through the first few years. However I did find that dropping the nap helped. It made the day harder but did mean I actually got some sleep at night. They were around 2 by that point I think.

I was also tearing my hair out at 20 months. At 25 months, he's suddenly started sleeping through (a week of it so far). No rhyme nor reason that I can see.

Hang in there. It's infuriating and exhausting. No can say when it will improve, but it will at some point.

It’s really hard @allwoundup . Both of mine didn’t sleep through until they were at least 2. But when they did they were good sleepers and got themselves to sleep - we didn’t have the rigmarole of lying on the floor holding their hand until they fall asleep that friends did.

and then they became teenagers and it was impossible to get them out of bed.

I know it’s incredibly hard and exhausting, but she will sleep eventually.

My utter sympathy. DD slept like an angel until 9m, and I'm pretty sure she never slept through again. She's 13 now. But then DH is 50 and he doesn't either. It's hard.

I changed my bedroom to make it completely child safe with a stair gate across my door, hair bobbles holding my wardrobe closed etc, then I'd bring her in at silly o'clock and leave her with brio, soft toys and a water bottle. Or a tablet with fisher price kids apps on. You can at least doze, which is better than nothing. Long term I let them have quiet toys in bed and they can do what they want as long as they don't wake other people, on the understanding that if they are loud it gets taken away.

That's if all the sleep hygiene stuff fails, obviously.

I feel you op.

I love DC2 with every fibre of my being and always have, but at this age I could have merrily drop kicked them over the fence at 3am some days. Like yours, no rhyme or reason, they just didn't sleep. "Ohhh, have you tried a nice bath before bed with these magic bubbles and a calm bedtime routine" - FUCK OFF! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR!? But then at 2.5, with no rhyme or reason, they just slept. Years later I'm still grateful every day.

Sounds like she needs more sleep in the day to me as she's horrifically overtired at this point. One nap is not really a lot for many 1-2 year olds. I would try her one two naps a day – morning one and an afternoon one.

You poor thing. I have sooo much empathy. I had one terrible sleeper, nothing we did worked. It was hell and i honestly nearly lost my mind. He does sleep now if it is any consolation.

DD was late to bed and early to rise! Sleeping through happened more as she didn't sleep during the day. I found sending in DH during the night more effective too as she didn't really want Daddy.
She struggled to fall asleep for years.
I found getting her out of bed and watching TV or going outside more useful than staying in bed. Cooling down, change of scene, drink/snack then back to bed.
She still remembers waking early and being furious with me for refusing to play with her! I would plonk her down in the lounge with some toys and lie on the sofa but would not play. I can remember saying that it was ok if she was awake, but I would prefer to be asleep and wasn't going to play.

It's really hard when you are in that phase but it does change.....eventually. My eldest was a really bad sleeper. Nothing changed it. Up for hours at night, constant resettling. I gave up with all the advice in the end. I think around 4 years we started getting some nights where he would sleep through and it steadily improved from there - now at 7 years it seems like a distance memory with him. I now have a 3 year old DS who wakes constantly. One gets over it and the other starts!

Sleep deprivation is hard. At the worse points, I started going to bed when the kids did. It was rubbish losing my evenings but those couple of hours before the first wake really did help.
I was also very clear with its still night time. Lights off (night light only), no reading, no going downstairs, no playing. You sit or lie in bed and no talking. So hard and my eldest would just lie and wriggle for hours but my youngest seems to be getting it now - I got two nights this week through and it was bliss.

It's hell, sympathy op. My oldest was up every 45 minutes until almost 2, sometimes for hours at a time. He only started sleeping through 2 weeks ago when I started him on magnesium gummies (he's 6 years old...). I've tried all sorts of things over the years, you get so desperate to sleep. He still only sleeps 8.30-5.30, but at least it's solid now.

My issue is that he's been co sleeping with me all this time. I'm pretty sure his little sister (who loves sleep) would sleep through if she wasn't being disrupted all night, but I can't tell a 3yo that she has to sleep alone when her older brother wouldn't! I'm giving him a little longer to carry on seeping through and then I'm moving out of his room, and hopefully dd will follow up with the alone sleeping soon after to be like her big brother. That's a big motivator for her!

Last night was OK. One very, very brief wake up, little drink of water, back to bed within five minutes.

Tonight was just wake up no 3.

fuck knows what to do. I’m barely surviving on this little sleep.

Do you have a partner, could they do gradual retreat? You may both end up with less sleep for a few days but it could work?

Yes I was going to ask do you have help you can draft in? I literally would have died without my husband sharing the load.

It will get better.

My shit sleeper eventually slept through the night when he was about 3 and a half. He would wake up to 10 times a night until he was 2. He's 9 now, starting sleeping through more often than not around 6 years old but still wakes up in the night quite often. So it could be worse 🤪