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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you think of this family house rule?

897 replies

Porcell · 13/03/2025 18:38

People in the house are not allowed to come downstairs in the morning without being fully dressed/clean and moderately groomed.

This does not apply to school kids during the week. But at the weekends/school holidays memebers of the household are not allowed to be in pyjamas. They can veg out on the sofa but they have to be groomed and in clean clothes. Trackies are allowed.

OP posts:
Porcell · 14/03/2025 13:27

It’s good for mental health, especially when it comes to teens. It is a 5 min job as the teens wash at night after sports clubs.

We are talking cleaning teeth and a change of clothes (into lounge wear/jeans if they want). But if they didn’t shower the night before they are expected to before coming down.

Abusive indeed 😂.

OP posts:
Cara707 · 14/03/2025 13:28

Wouldn't no PJs after 10.30am before 6pm be a better rule?

Arseynal · 14/03/2025 13:28

I don’t think I could persuade my teens to not wash in the mornings

Porcell · 14/03/2025 13:30

The house is a happy home.

OP posts:
chocorabbit · 14/03/2025 13:30

Now I remember one day when I had to pick up SIL's 2 DD from school (they were about 9-11). SIL is extremely lazy and takes advantage of MIL so she can slob around. I took them at MIL's where they lived, opened the door, let them in and while we were waiting for the aults in the house to come I said "Ok girls, now you can go upstairs and change to some home clothes". They looked at me as if they had no idea what to do, as if what I asked was not possible.

I and DH had bought the wardobes a few years before and I knew exactly how many drawers and compartments there were. I assumed their mother had arranged their clothes on the 8 different drawers or 2 metres of rail space. Maybe that was an alien concept because when they bother to go to school they still stay up in their school clothes.

Gogogo12345 · 14/03/2025 13:32

TotallyForgettableForNow · 14/03/2025 13:17

If your kids/teens have been busy all week with activities, going to the gym, riding, scouts, seeing friends etc all on top of school would you really book an activity for 11am at the weekend?
My kids have very busy weeks, if they want to chill in their pjs at the weekend they are free to do so, as am I.
The days of being up and dressed by 7am are over (thankfully) for us and taking the weekend more slowly is one of the biggest plusses of my children getting older!

If any play football then the matches are nearly ALWAYS on a weekend morning

ScottChegg · 14/03/2025 13:34

HippeePrincess · 13/03/2025 18:42

Doesn’t everyone in the whole world go and make coffee in their dressing gowns before they do anything else? No way I’d be dressed before coffee, especially on a weekend.

No, because I grew up in a house with the same rule as the OP. I'm really uncomfortable coming downstairs in my dressing gown as a result. If I ever do, my kids know I'm REALLY ill!

bostonchamps · 14/03/2025 13:34

I don't get the mental health argument at all. Of course if they are struggling with depression then a routine and looking after themselves is a good idea, and small daily tasks such as brushing teeth and getting dressed are useful markers.

Otherwise it's just an arbitrary rule that seems unfriendly and cold. If they're showering before bedtime, how on earth are their pjs getting so dirty you can stand them on the sofa?

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 14/03/2025 13:38

A very sad fight. And why should pyjamas be dirty after one night sleep?

Fizbosshoes · 14/03/2025 13:39

It's interesting how different generations change. But I'm interested why it's important? What do the "standards" actually mean...? I can see the need for clean , appropriate clothes outside but in your own home, what is the problem to wearing pjs at 10am?

My own mum wouldnt have lounged around in pjs or dressing gown, although she did make a cup of tea in the morning and I remember she once ran into the garden in her nightdress to chase a squirrel who was digging up bulbs!

She always dressed smartly, I don't think I even saw her wear trousers til I was well into my teens, and she never owned a pair of jeans. She wouldn't leave the house without make up on and always styled her hair woth a hot brush. She dressed up for parents evenings or travelling on a train.

I wander about in PJs and dressing gown occassionally at weekends, probably up until about noon, at the latest. I often do parkrun and a Sunday run though, so it's not every weekend. I might play cards/board games or chess with DH or kids, or do some chores or cleaning before showering and getting dressed.

I rarely wear make up unless I'm going out for the evening and mostly dress casually. I sometimes go out with wet hair if I haven't had time to fully dry it (I didn't realise this was frowned upon until I joined MN) In person parents evenings were often straight after work so would turn up in jeans, trainers and hoodie.

LoztWorld · 14/03/2025 13:40

@Porcell You seem happy with the way things are, so why on earth did you bother to ask?

It’s not most people’s habit to seek MN’s advice on areas of their lives that are going well.

reelcat · 14/03/2025 13:40

Very controlling. Batshit in my mind but know this is only my own opinion.
A home is not a hotel where of course I would expect them to be up and ready before breakfast.
If it was my home and my partner I could not cope with that level of controlling and also think once the children leave home, uf they live far away, there may be a possibility of them visiting less with the strict rules

NiftyKoala · 14/03/2025 13:42

LoztWorld · 14/03/2025 13:40

@Porcell You seem happy with the way things are, so why on earth did you bother to ask?

It’s not most people’s habit to seek MN’s advice on areas of their lives that are going well.

This. Something is very odd in this "happy"home.

PinkArt · 14/03/2025 13:43

Porcell · 14/03/2025 13:27

It’s good for mental health, especially when it comes to teens. It is a 5 min job as the teens wash at night after sports clubs.

We are talking cleaning teeth and a change of clothes (into lounge wear/jeans if they want). But if they didn’t shower the night before they are expected to before coming down.

Abusive indeed 😂.

You seem very sure this rule is brilliant, OP, despite many, many people saying to you it seems unnecessarily rigid. What made you ask here in the first place?

Fraggeek · 14/03/2025 13:43

If it's such a happy home, surely there's no point to an AIBU question 🤔🤔

Turnups · 14/03/2025 13:43

Porcell · 14/03/2025 13:27

It’s good for mental health, especially when it comes to teens. It is a 5 min job as the teens wash at night after sports clubs.

We are talking cleaning teeth and a change of clothes (into lounge wear/jeans if they want). But if they didn’t shower the night before they are expected to before coming down.

Abusive indeed 😂.

If you can’t slob around, when you feel the need to, in your own home, where can you? It sounds like being at a boarding school!

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/03/2025 13:45

Ridiculous.
If you're in my house you can sit around in your PJ's all day if you want to. At some point you'll need to have a shower/bath, but it's not a requirement for not being in your own bedroom.

Haribosweets · 14/03/2025 13:45

A massive no from me! I'm up and dressed by 6.30am week days for work and school run, weekends I'm in my pjs for as long as I want and my oodie sat downstairs watching TV. When it's time for me to 'get ready' to go somewhere I will then change into clothes. As soon as I'm home for the day the pjs and oodie are back on regardless of time!

Lassango · 14/03/2025 13:47

Rule seems pointless. If I am not going out I will often do my days work in a pair of joggers and a scruffy T shirt. As a parent you should pick your battles and for me this is not a worthwhile battle.

If you have a problem where teens are slobbing about the house all day and not doing anything productive then you need to address that issue on its own merits.

TeenLifeMum · 14/03/2025 13:49

I have teens and my rule is dressed before lunchtime. I love coming down in my pjs for a morning coffee on a weekend. The week is so full, Saturday morning is when I just stop.

BunnyLake · 14/03/2025 13:50

Gogogo12345 · 14/03/2025 12:49

But if it had been the norm since they were toddlers then they probably would've been up and dressed

Point is this wouldn’t be the norm in our house because I often mooch about in my pj’s longer than I probably should.

Tbh I didn’t have ‘rules’ in my house. 🤷‍♀️

Starlight7080 · 14/03/2025 13:50

Whatsitreallylike · 13/03/2025 19:22

It’s not a rule, but we do this. Up, showered, teeth brushed and dressed. Takes 15 minutes to get ready. DD comes down in her Pjs and then dressed after breakfast (saves the outfit change if she spills her food).

Not a rule, but it’s how we’re most comfortable approaching each day. Do whatever works for you!

I think most people do this . But the point is the op or whoever they are referring to are saying it's everyday as a firm rule

ButtonMoonLoon · 14/03/2025 13:51

What did you hope to achieve by posting this?

88% of posters have voted that they consider the rule unreasonable.
Will this influence your implementation of it moving forwards?

Or are you in fact running a boarding school and not a home in which case maybe it is more reasonable than we think…..

LazyArsedMagician · 14/03/2025 13:52

Meh, I couldn't be arsed with this in my family (currently wearing last nights PJs with a hoodie thrown over) but I don't think it's bad at all.

Would you send them back up though if their hair was a bit unkempt or they hadn't cleaned teeth?

Mumpud · 14/03/2025 13:52

Feel sorry for the kids.