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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do you think of this family house rule?

897 replies

Porcell · 13/03/2025 18:38

People in the house are not allowed to come downstairs in the morning without being fully dressed/clean and moderately groomed.

This does not apply to school kids during the week. But at the weekends/school holidays memebers of the household are not allowed to be in pyjamas. They can veg out on the sofa but they have to be groomed and in clean clothes. Trackies are allowed.

OP posts:

honeylulu · 13/03/2025 23:11

Oh noooooo, one of life's pleasures is coming down in my dressing gown, making a tea and taking it back up to bed! This will apall OP but there is a little table and chairs on the patio just outside the kitchen door and if it's light and not too cold I sit out there for a couple of mins while the kettle is boiling, listening to birdsong and breathing in the fresh air.

My neighbours might see me if they were looking out of their windows I suppose but I don't care. My dressing gown keeps everything covered even though I don't look "groomed".

Though when my kids were younger there was a very strict no bare bums on the sofa rule. They were allowed downstairs in nightwear though, as long as bums were covered!

WhenICalledYouLastNightFromTesco · 13/03/2025 23:11

WhenICalledYouLastNightFromTesco · 13/03/2025 23:00

Nope. I roll out of bed, throw my dressing gown on and head straight to the kettle to make my first coffee of the day.

Not to mention that I like to shower and get dressed after I've visited the porcelain throne, which is helped along with gravity and said coffee(s) 😁

Babyghirl · 13/03/2025 23:11

They would hate my house then, with a two year old my days are norm days out, but if not whice is prop one day a week I'm having a pj day nice and cosy and comfy lol. Oh and after my long day out at toddler classes or soft play or where ever I may be I come straight home and in to my pj's lol.

Beesandhoney123 · 13/03/2025 23:12

Seriously weird. Do your teens go on sleepovers? I hope they know its not normal to appear downstairs as if ready for an interview.

And you can wear lounge wear that's not been slept in? How do you know? Do you check them whilst they sleep?

More to the point, how did it even get this far? Its just so unreasonable. And unrealistic.

Fillybuster · 13/03/2025 23:20

I’m right there with all the other pps who want / need to be able to wander downstairs in their pjs to make a cup of tea and then either return to bed with said cuppa, or have a cuddle with the dog on the sofa whilst slowly sipping and waking up. And maybe even a second or (whisper it) a third cup, perhaps whilst reading the papers, still on the sofa with the dog, or maybe back in bed again in between, before finally “grooming” (ugh, images of chimpanzees. Or worse) myself.

OP, if you really hate your teens slobbing around in their pjs all day, then how about a “dressed by 11 am” or “dressed within 1 hour of getting up “ type approach? But seriously, I don’t think this is the thing that’s going to fix whatever is not right at core with your family dynamic. And if this is the only thing that’s bothering you, then Y really ABU.

Thiscouldbefun · 13/03/2025 23:20

I think it’s creating an environment that suits you but not others and I wonder why you would want your family to feel uncomfortable in their own home just to please you.

The fact that you are then exerting authority and shaming them for not doing something to please you is pretty unpleasant.

This moral high ground could come with consequence. People do not like to be treated like this.

S18 · 13/03/2025 23:22

I couldn’t care less what people are wearing when in the house. I certainly wouldn’t be getting dressed before making coffee. Everyone looks presentable before leaving the house.

Comefromaway · 13/03/2025 23:22

We have had this rule but Dh teaches from home so we can have students arrive from 9am onwards at weekends. so the rule is apart from popping downstairs in your desssing gown to make a cuppa & let the dog out you need to be dressed to be downstairs.

JanFebAndOnwards · 13/03/2025 23:27

I think 50+ years ago this rule would have been the norm in most houses …..

peachgreen · 13/03/2025 23:27

My parents had this rule. I don’t have it in my own house but I can’t say it was a big deal, to be honest. And in this era of comfortable but stylish loungewear it’s even less of a problem, imo. You do feel better having washed your face and brushed your hair and pulled on some clean clothes. I still feel a bit grim if it’s late and I’m still in pyjamas – though very happy to get into them early!

elm26 · 13/03/2025 23:33

No way, we are in our pjs (that are clean, what are you/your kids doing in yours that they wake up with dirty pjs?!) until we've had breakfast. On the weekend we might not get dressed until 11 if we have nowhere else to be, especially in winter.

Home is supposed to be where you feel relaxed.

murasaki · 13/03/2025 23:33

I think I'm going to have a bacon sandwich at about 11 tomorrow in my pyjamas. Because I can.

DrCoconut · 13/03/2025 23:34

This used to be normal. You got up, washed, dressed, made the bed etc before starting the day. My DC have onesies for lazy days so kind of PJs. I can't stay in PJs all day unless I'm ill.

HorrorFan81 · 13/03/2025 23:39

Seems uptight and controlling to me, I'd hate to live in a house like this. Ill get dressed when I feel like it, might lounge around in pjs for a while, might not but I wouldn't want it dictated. The kids love being in pjs and feel like its a real treat to hang out in pjs til lunch time at the weekend. I see zero harm in this and feel like whoever is making this rule needs to relax a bit and let people be comfortable

DuesToTheDirt · 13/03/2025 23:47

Home is supposed to be where you feel relaxed.

See, for me "hanging round in pyjamas" != relaxed. I'd rather be dressed once I'm out of bed, I feel better for it.

DissidentDaughter · 13/03/2025 23:49

Authoritarian claptrap.

Sadie976 · 13/03/2025 23:51

Babyghirl · 13/03/2025 23:11

I was totally with you until soft play. I have to shower before getting into clean PJs/dressing gown after taking DD to a soft play - but she is the age where I still have to spend a lot of time crawling around in there chasing her. 🤢😂 Toddler classes don’t leave me feeling grubby though.

Pinkissmart · 13/03/2025 23:52

It'll give the kids something to talk to their future therapist about

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 13/03/2025 23:52

I've never stayed in my sleeping clothes for all of the next day but I don't see what's wrong with having a coffee and a potter about the house before getting cleaned up and dressed.

DarkForces · 13/03/2025 23:57

This clashes with my house rule of don't be a twat. What benefit does insisting on trackie bottoms over pjs have?

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/03/2025 23:57

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/03/2025 18:41

I voted YABU on the assumption this is the OP's house.

Me too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2025 23:58

Porcell · 13/03/2025 18:51

The mum of the house (not saying if it’s me or not) hates the teens slobbing around in pyjamas. She thinks it encourages people to start the day off right and creates a nicer home environment. She doesn’t mind the kids lazing around just not in dirty pyjamas with bo.

Everyone just needs to be dressed with hair not a mess and clean clothes. 5 min job.

Edited

Its pretty obvious who it is......

beadystar · 13/03/2025 23:59

It sounds like pointless rules for the sake of pointless rules. Everyone must please you, the boss. Very unpleasant. If you find the sight of your 'ungroomed' family that unpleasant, why don't you arrange to not be there in the mornings so they can have their pj breakfast in peace?

Ilikeadrink14 · 14/03/2025 00:07

DuesToTheDirt · 13/03/2025 23:47

Home is supposed to be where you feel relaxed.

See, for me "hanging round in pyjamas" != relaxed. I'd rather be dressed once I'm out of bed, I feel better for it.

I agree. I would hate to be lounging about in pyjamas once I am up. I prefer to get washed and dressed before going downstairs. That is purely my choice though and when the kids were still living at home, I had no problem if they wanted to lounge about in PJs all morning. Unless we were going out or expecting visitors, that wasn’t a issue for me or their Dad. He was like me and also preferred to be showered and dressed before breakfast. We had a very relaxed and happy household.
Maybe that’s why, 50 or so years later, I am still visited regularly by my daughters and their families and frequently invited to their houses. Or maybe I’m just very lucky!

herbalteabag · 14/03/2025 00:08

My favourite part of a weekend morning is coming downstairs in my dressing gown, making a cup of tea and sitting about for a while, so no, I wouldn't dream of implementing that rule.

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