My child's watching porn

[Rosieperhaps]

My child 13 is searching porn on his tablet and phone, this results in long conversations and removal of devices, but every time he asks to be trusted and we give him another chance he is back on it. Parent controls deactivated when he turned 13 all I can do is reset his age to make him younger and put them back on, but I think he has created a new Google account. He says he has been influenced by a new school friend, we have blocked the friendship outside of school and spoken to school in detail, but I know from WhatsApp he is still in contact at school, same year group. Not wanting to permanently remove tech equipment if I can help it, what would you do, reset his age or provide him with a phone that does not go on the internet or ban all devices. I feel sick to my core that he is watching this

It shouldn't be normal. They may all seek it out, but they shouldn't be, and it is our responsibility to prevent it. Teenagers aren't capable of understanding and moderating their porn consumption (or social media and the internet in general). Conversations aren't enough. As a mother, you won't have any idea to what extent they (and their female partners) will be affected by porn.

Have you had an actual conversation with him about pornography and offered healthy ways he can access content that’s entirely consistent with his needs and puberty?

Erm on my son’s phone contract I can go on his account online and put on no adult content. You either need to remove tech, or employ someone to shut it down professionally.

Don’t be ridiculous he’s 13 not 16 plus. The porn of today isn’t a few naughty mags under his bed. Most is hardcore. Do you have daughters? Because if you do I’m struggling why you’d think this is normal/ expected behaviour. I agree to a certain extent but not at 13!

Absolutely no tech...there shouldn't be any more chances or ifs and buts. Only a Nokia brick.

I remember at school, boys of that age were bringing porn mags in.

I écho others. Remove all tech and give him a Nokia brick.

You need to be having conversations about how porn doesn't reflect real life and is damaging to women and relationships. I'd say keep it age appropriate but actually with the horrors that is normalised in porn you may have to cover stuff absolutely not age appropriate to counter the influence he's had from the porn.

If his dad is around get him to have the same conversations. In fact get dad to have the main conversation and have your conversation as supporting that. To stop misogyny the change needs to come from men so his dad needs to lay out this is unacceptable for all ages it's not that he's too young it's that it this is not what relationships or women are about

I don't think most parents let 8 year olds have unfiltered access to the internet?? The point is, just restricting it does not work.

The places where schools have done lessons on the issues with porn have seen porn use in young people massively drop.

The solution isn't just to take away kids phones - the research shows that doesn't stop them viewing it. It just makes parents think they're not

This

You are a fucking idiot.
Is it the same for smoking weed? Drinking? It is not normal to watch porn at any age, it is an entirely unrealistic representation of physical and emotional social interaction. It is hugely damaging for algorithmic porn to be the introduction to sex for young people.
You are a fucking idiot.

There’s a big difference between pictures in top shelf mags and the hours and hours of violent misogynistic porn you can access on the internet.

You will have to permanently remove the tech, as others have said.

I hope you don’t have children.

Be a parent OP.

Remove access to all tech.

You are allowing your kid to be exposed to porn over and over by not taking robust action.

I would also seek some counselling for him. Speak to the school as well about your concerns and have a good look at who is friends are.

Where is your husband in all this?

I’m sorry but I think a lot of posters really don’t understand how prevalent porn is. We can’t keep our young men away from it altogether. That’s an unrealistic expectation. I’ve put a link to an article below - the 3 biggest porn websites get 8.3 billion hits a month. There are 8.2 billion people on the planet for context. This isn’t a few sad perverts it’s the majority of men in our lives I’m afraid.

Other kids at school will be looking and talking about it and showing him things which is why he will be looking repeatedly - not because he’s addicted, or on the route to becoming a sexual deviant. He doesn’t need a priest as one particularly crazy post suggested. He needs his access limited as much as possible certainly, he’s only 13. But thinking any parent can keep this stuff away from kids I just don’t think is possible in todays world.

Until it’s legislated against (which I think it should be, I don’t think it should be banned but MUCH harder to access) it will be part of young men’s lives. Porn is made for young men. They are drawn to it. That won’t change.

I understand the posters saying ban all tech but I do think he’ll access this stuff anyway. The more taboo you make it I think the harder he will try to view it. And good bad or indifferent tech is a major part of all our lives, you can’t keep kids off it indefinitely.

Restrict/ban access right now by all means, but long term a discussion about the fact that he can access this stuff but shouldn’t, the reasons why and learning to live in a world where this stuff exists, is far too easily accessible rather than a stonewall you’re banned until I say otherwise is likely to lead to a far healthier outcome.

https://businessinthenews.co.uk/2020/07/19/pornhub-receives-more-website-traffic-than-amazon-and-netflix-new-research-reveals/?amp=1

How will he get them with no tech?!

The best parental control is to step up and be a parent. At the moment, your approach is enabling him.

Absolute waste of time trying to restrict his tech. He’ll watch porn with his mates or get a free second hand phone and connect to the wifi to watch it.
He needs sex education, and educating in porn and all its negatives.
Porn is everywhere. If he wants it he’ll get it.

Remember reading on here that your child is only as safe as the most relaxed parent.

Lads at school were going home at dinner to a boys house to watch hardcore porn on Betamax in 1986.

You can and should restrict what you can but only helping him through with difficult conversations will help.

The thread on the feminism board today regarding the normalisation of choking is worrying for everyone.

I despair. What are we doing to our kids when access is so easy like this. There's so much vile stuff out there and governments/tech companies are doing nothing to stop young people accessing it. We will pay dearly for it.

If that’s all you’ve done then I think you’re kidding yourself if you think they’re not accessing porn.

My parents did the same but there’s so many things that me and my siblings used to do to get around those restrictions. Just off the top of my head for example, file-sharing apps and websites that allow people to download images and videos, porn shared in chatrooms/social media DMs/WhatsApp groups, downloading vids into memory cards at school and watching them at home on the pc/laptop/ipad, circumventinh restrictions via a VPN etc…