My child's watching porn

[Rosieperhaps]

My child 13 is searching porn on his tablet and phone, this results in long conversations and removal of devices, but every time he asks to be trusted and we give him another chance he is back on it. Parent controls deactivated when he turned 13 all I can do is reset his age to make him younger and put them back on, but I think he has created a new Google account. He says he has been influenced by a new school friend, we have blocked the friendship outside of school and spoken to school in detail, but I know from WhatsApp he is still in contact at school, same year group. Not wanting to permanently remove tech equipment if I can help it, what would you do, reset his age or provide him with a phone that does not go on the internet or ban all devices. I feel sick to my core that he is watching this

Act like an actual adult and be a parent. He's your child, not your friend. Say no. You don't need long conversations about it. He's 13 years old, not 18 for crying out loud.

Take away his smart phone, give him a dumb phone if he really needs one, although he can surely manage without. If he needs internet access for homework he can use laptop/pc in a communal area under supervision.

I can't believe you didn't do that the minute you found out what he'd been watching.

What’s wrong with that? He’s 13, it’s developmentally normal to watch porn at that age. All his friends will be doing it.

OP, if you restrict his tech access, he will look elsewhere for the porn - i.e. asking other children for nudes

Echoing all the other advice. OP you know what you need to do. 😌

The harm is that depending on where ops son is accessing porn, he could be exposed to more and more violent/ extreme porn which can affect relationships/ body image/expectations of a partner/views of women etc that at 13 he's too young to be equipped to process properly.

Any children that I've worked with who have asked other children from nudes are children who have been using porn from an early age without understanding the harmful aspects of it and the difference between porn and real life relationships. This is particularly important for any nd child.

I'd actually be more concerned that no matter how many long conversations you have or how many times you've removed the device he's still hell bent on seeking out porn once the device is returned.

You say you don't really want to remove his devices permanently.

He's shown he doesn't want to stop watching porn...

You as an adult get to choose which one you're more prepared to let happen.

This has to be a fucking joke😂

It’s NOT normal at 13 to be watching porn and it’s harmful to suggest otherwise.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/inappropriate-explicit-content/online-porn/

You might get some good info here op.

What concerns would you have about that? I'm genuinely curious.

No it fucking isn't normal to watch porn at 13.

Of course it's normal to be interested in seeing naked bodies of the opposite sex at that age, but until recent years with the unfettered access to every type of porn with a quick tap of a finger on a phone it was pretty bloody difficult for a 13 year old to actually see porn.

They may be have been able to see a topless page 3 model but they wouldn't have been able to buy or watch porn videos or magazines and they certainly wouldn't have seen anything like what is available these days.

You're an absolute pervert.

No devices and I's look for some counselling for him as god only knows what he has seen and now thinks is normal.

More a wind up merchant I suspect, don’t engage.

God help any children you have. It is not normal, what is depicted in porn these days maybe very unsafe. Porn online is not the same as the smutty mags from the top shelf of the news agents of the 1990s. You need to educate yourself if you are a parent.

Remove his devices. Have you talked to a therapist about his behaviour or a religious leader possibly? Don't try to embarass him but he needs help and should know that it's not OK.

Find IT Security Services, explain your concerns, discuss blocking options, there are many. Pay to ensure the devices are policed correctly.

Brick phone.
computer in living room/kitchen which ever is supervised.
removal of key board and mouse when not being supervised.

he can do work on a computer with no WiFi on Microsoft word etc if school requires extended typeing.

this will be hard for you to police, but you are the parent and he needs to be protected from further damage.

No devices. None at all. Also, occupy him so much that when he makes it to his bed in the evening, he won't be able to stay awake 5 minutes. Sign him up for sports, exhaust him physically and then sign him up for extra tuition at school (maths society, etc.), check his results and insist on improvement.

If the above does not result in a reformed child, sign him up for psychology sessions and tell him 'This is for treating perverts', call a spade a spade. This is not 'pornography', this is human exploitation and he is a pervert, sorry.

If that does not work, tell him that you are thinking of going to school and embarrassing him in front of his teachers by telling them what sort of problem he has. And mean it.

Just stop giving the tech back. He has had his chances.

Really....

I'd say there was a major difference in logging on and having a quick look to see what all the fuss is about to what sounds like this DC that doesn't know when to stop.

I have voted YABU as you don’t seem willing to take steps any parent should.

You sound absolutely clueless about internet safety and I don’t mean to cause offence with saying that.

He cannot be trusted so you remove his devices, he is a child and you are the adult!

Unless you want your child to be groomed and become addicted to porn, because that’s what your OP screams at me.

You need parental control on your home WiFi and connected to all of your children’s devices and that way you can block and control what your children’s devices are able to access.

The only way your children would be able to remove parental control is if you gave them access to the passowrd.

id recommend the Qustodio, is what I have for my own children.

id also be worried about your children being connected to black web sites through sites like Instagram, discord and snap chat!

I can't understand why the industry cannot be regulated

Since the celebrity home made adult movie trend, it has exploded online, it is vile.

Religious leader? Accessing porn at 13 is a problem and needs to be stopped. But at the same time you need to make sure you don’t make the kid think he’s some sort of pervert for having a perfectly natural teenage boy interest in sex. Not sure an exorcist is the answer here!

He’s thirteen. Remove his phone, he doesn’t need one. And he can use a family computer for homework - supervised and with parental controls set by WiFi so they can’t be disabled by anyone else. He’s proved he can’t be trusted, so really nothing else you can do.