DD dad taking child he lives with on holiday but not other 2 children

[Flowerbomb1122]

Hi all.
Name changed as could be outing.

I'll try and keep it short. DC dad has 3 children, all different mums. Still with youngest child's mum.

They've booked a weekend away in the UK for all of them in a couple of weeks.

Then - Dads partner has a friend who is getting married somewhere exotic (think 11 hour flight type lovely weather etc) and they are taking youngest DC there on a 2 week holiday.

My DC is the eldest and is struggling to work out why they and middle DC aren't going.
Apparently dad said well you'd be bored at a wedding - to which DC said yeah but that's only one day. Not sure if anything else has been said.

Now to the AIBU - I feel like this is a bit crap for the other two kids. DC is seeing it as they're all going on holiday without them and is understandably miffed.

I'm trying to think what their angle is but I'm struggling.

I haven't spoken to him about it as I know it'll end up in a row (narcissistic bully towards me, I've kept a super close eye on what's said to DC so I trust they'd tell me if something was wrong)

Can any step parents / blended families help me out here? Is it a done thing for the children who don't live there full time to be left out of 'family' breaks? Should the 'family' go away as the 3 of them from time to time? I can't work out what's normal in this kind of set up and what's not.

If it makes any difference DC and I are going on holiday abroad this summer, they are my only child.

It's not a family holiday. It's the partner's friend's wedding. Why would 2 children who the bride and groom don't know be invited to their wedding? If it wasn't a wedding and was purely a holiday then all the children should go but this is someone's wedding.

The two older children are probably not invited to the wedding.

Your ex partner’s girlfriend was invited to a wedding. Her invitation probably included her partner and her child. It would be unusual to include her partner’s two other children.

the youngest child probably costs very little if they aren’t even in school yet.

your ex seems to have explained this badly. It’s not a family holiday. His girlfriend has been invited to a wedding and he is going with her and they are taking their shared child.

Another reason to not have a baby with every new partner you meet.

I agree with the general consensus. This isn't a "family holiday", this is Exes new DP taking her partner and her child to her friend's wedding which happens to be abroad. It wouldn't be appropriate for them to bring step children along. It is really important that you don't set your DC up to think they are a constant victim. It would be as inappropriate for her to go along on this holiday as it would for Exes other children to come on holiday with you. Let's be honest, in this situation Ex will only be a plus one, it's not a holiday he's arranging for his family.

Its Dad's partners friend so they have invited their friend, her partner and their child. Why would the friend invite other kids?

I'm a stepparent and we've always taken SD to weddings, but this is a different situation.

First off, your two CAN'T go legally. You'll both be fined and even prosecuted if it's happened before.

Second off, if it's her family/friends they may not have even met the other 2 and probably aren't that keen on having random kids at their wedding. Destination weddings are typically small and intimate.

I wouldn't make a big deal of this. It's stepmum taking her child.

Honestly I think he's going to this as her plus one in effect so don't see anything wrong with him not taking along his other 2 kids who probably couldn't travel anyway as in term time.
I think I'd just say that to your dd when she asked why she's not going/

What everyone else said, it’s dads partners friends wedding.

How old is your dc?

I doubt they’d be going if it weren’t for the wedding, they must have thought "whilst we’re flying such a long distance, we might as well make a holiday of it" (as you do). The other two children won’t have come into it for them. Your ex has framed it wrongly if he said it was a family holiday, though.

There’s nothing to explain, your ex is just a shit person who cares more about keeping his current woman happy than doing what is best for his children.

Yabu as it’s the wedding of their dad’s partner’s friend, so not likely to be anything to do with them?

My DSC would never be invited to weddings of my friends, that would be on DH’s side only.

We have holidays where we take DSC, and also holidays where we don’t.

I get he is a shit Dad - but it’s glaringly obvious if the wedding is for his new partners friend that new partners child would go - and considering older two go to school and it’s during school term time pulling them out of should for people they don’t know would not make sense

Well he's not really taking 1 out of 3 on holiday, is he?
He's taking his shared child to his DP's friend's wedding.

Still with youngest child's mum.

I would say it’s pretty common because it’s his partners friend and so she’s not going to leave her child behind.

Her friend has no relationship to the other children and so they wouldn’t be invited.

They can’t invite every relative of each person.

The older 2 kids aren't going because it's an event for the partner's friend and the dad is the plus one and their young bio child goes with them.

If your buddy was getting married or you were taking a holiday, would you be taking your ex's youngest? No.

All kids are not included on every holiday that each parent takes. That's just how it rolls.

Really? As others have said, they are going to friends wedding during term time with their toddler. Maybe he is a shit dad in other ways, but not from this example.

If it’s the mums friends wedding and her and her partner (your ex) are invited then it’s pretty obvious they need to take their child as they can’t ask anyone else to have them for two weeks straight.

Also, why would the mums friends invite two children she doesn’t know and who aren’t related to her friend to her exotic wedding.

So let me get this straight

1. it's in terms time and the child going isn't at school yet but the children who aren't attend school. If Dad took them, both you and him could get fined.
2. the bride know the child going because it's a friend of the mother not the father. They don't know the two children who aren't going and don't have contact with them.

There's plenty of ways to explain this and talk it down as a non issue. Someone has wound your child up about this. It's not about being fair in this scenario. The fact your child has got it all into their head about how everything should be fair comes from somewhere and it's simply not a possibility.

I don't get the problem here other than you not just explaining the above.

Is the mother his partner? Plus child isn't school age so cheaper to take and free child place perhaps. Two more kids means taking out of school, flights and bigger room or more than one room.

We have 3 kids and it's double the cost of couple and toddler

👆This every time.

Telling your child that it’s right to feel hard done by here is just damaging to their mental health. Don’t be that mum.

To be fair, in this particular case, that doesn’t apply.
If the OP had set up a vote, I would have voted that she is being unreasonable.

Same.