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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH doesn't want me to breastfeed newborn when I'm sick

123 replies

Mamma2452 · 09/03/2025 22:28

Our older child started vomiting this morning. I breast fed my newborn a lot that morning in the hope of getting antibodies into her. About 6h later I was sick too and in no state to breastfeed so I rested on my own.

Now both older child and me are not vomiting, feeling better, just tired. I've pumped for newborn but she is very unsettled with DH. Newborn is having more dirty nappies than usual but not vomiting herself.

DH doesn't want me to breastfeed her directly. He won't let me hold her. He says if there's a chance she's not sick then it's best not to risk it. My thoughts are that our infectious period probably started well before we were sick, so she's already been exposed to the bug. As she has virtually no immune system she probably is already sick and would benefit from the comfort of breastfeeding.

The advice I've read says it's safe to breastfeed when ill. I don't know if DH is being unreasonable. I feel so upset hearing her crying in another room but I don't know what's the right thing to do. It's not we'll have any idea when I will no longer be infectious. Additionally I have struggled with low supply for the last few weeks and worked really hard build it up. I'm worried it's at risk now if I don't breastfeed my baby.

He's a scientist but is oddly very sceptical of medical advice, preferring to go with his gut feeling over established NHS advice.

OP posts:
Mamma2452 · 09/03/2025 22:30

Additionally DH is not ill yet but he could be, and he's been handling the baby all day, so I feel like we're keeping me away from baby for no valid reason.

OP posts:
Odras · 09/03/2025 22:31

just be careful about washing your hands and feed her. You are giving her extra antibodies through your milk and she wants you anyway, she is probably a little bit sick and needs the comfort.

Sharktoothgirl · 09/03/2025 22:31

She’s already been exposed to the virus or bacteria causing the illness. The best thing for her would be to keep having the antibodies in your breastmilk. Your husband is wrong. Feed your baby.

richardosmanstrousers · 09/03/2025 22:31

I don't know if DH is being unreasonable.

Of course he is. He is not LETTING you near your baby. That's fucking brutal.

Amanitacae · 09/03/2025 22:32

You are a breastfeeding mother and you are going with well established medical advice. He doesn't get a say.

ADHDHDHDHD · 09/03/2025 22:32

Feed your baby and comfort her. You are the mum you are the boss

Jadebanditchillipepper · 09/03/2025 22:32

The best way to stop your baby catching the illness is for you to feed her yourself so she gets the antibodies. If you express, there's a chance you could contaminate the milk with the virus - far safer to just feed her yourself.

And you're right. Your Dh could be brewing it too.

SassySusie · 09/03/2025 22:32

Just go and get your baby!

Dolambslikemintsauce · 09/03/2025 22:33

What does he propose to happen if you are both sick? Shove her in a basket down the garden?. Bf your dc.... And tell dh to stfu.

PullTheBricksDown · 09/03/2025 22:33

Agree with the above posters. Baby has already been exposed to the virus and breastfeeding might at least give her some useful antibodies! Go and get your baby now and feed her. You are the breastfeeding mum, you get to make this call.

Christwosheds · 09/03/2025 22:34

It’s important to keep feeding her as she will get antibodies and you will get the feedback loop . Also if she is slightly unwell then she will only want you. I think it’s actually really unpleasant of him to do this, and weirdly controlling. Get your baby off him ! I would have gone totally nuclear if DH had tried to keep my baby away and I’d heard her crying.

Dramatic · 09/03/2025 22:34

Jesus he sounds overly controlling, he's being very unreasonable to not "let" you be anywhere near your own baby who has quite clearly already been exposed to the virus.

BootballJoy · 09/03/2025 22:36

From both an antibody perspective and a comfort perspective you would be best to feed her directly. Sounds like she needs you. If I were you I'd take her and feed her straightaway.

hereismydog · 09/03/2025 22:37

That’s literally one of the main reasons TO breastfeed! Please tell him how important it is for your baby to a) continue to get antibodies from you and b) to maintain your supply as being unwell can cause it to drop anyway!

I breastfed my newborn DS while I had a nasty virus that then developed into a chest infection. DP also had it and we were both feeling absolutely dire. DS had only a minor sniffle!

BelgianBeers · 09/03/2025 22:37

Your breast milk has the antibodies to this specific sickness. It’s the best thing in offer. Your supply needs protecting too. The immunological factors are the biggest plus! He is a scientist? Her more dirty nappies could well be her reduced version of the bug. If so that’s the bm helping. Your Dh seems to think he has more authority than you? He doesn’t. Hope you feel better soon.

Fridgetapas · 09/03/2025 22:37

Go and get your baby and feed them. It’s not kind to keep a breastfeeding mother and baby apart like that.

You need to keep up your supply by feeding and drinking lots of fluids to replace what you are losing through vomiting plus also breastfeeding.

Itisbetter · 09/03/2025 22:38

You need to continue feeding your baby through the illness. Your husband needs to help by letting you rest with the baby and providing lots of drinks and small easily digested meals. If he ever tries to stop you being with your baby again, leave him.

GivingUpFinally · 09/03/2025 22:38

That's fucking medieval. Is he usually this controlling? It's wrong to not let you breast feed. Simple.

Lavender14 · 09/03/2025 22:38

All of this^ your husband is incorrect. Unless you are on medication or so ill you might fall asleep holding her (at which point he should watch you nurse) there's no reason for this. If you're sick supply can drop so it's important you hydrate yourself as much as possible and keep feeding so you don't affect your supply.

Also "he won't let" you? He does not get to make a unilateral decision that affects the welfare of a mother and newborn. Is he prone to controlling behaviours because that's really really not OK that he's withholding your child from you. Go and get your baby and tell him he's being ridiculous and your milk is exactly what she needs right now and you need to be close to her so your milk can create the antibodies she needs.

Bippityboppitybooo · 09/03/2025 22:38

Feed her as you want to. I continued to breastfeed my 2 week old when my 3yo got chicken pox (I've never had it or the vaccine), we didn't catch it. We've had multiple sick bugs and even when dd was still not crawling, she stayed in bed with me and latched herself on while i slept. She's been remarkably resilient to all the sick bugs from ds school, only catching about half (the rest of us catch them all).

I am also a scientist ;)

RosesAndHellebores · 09/03/2025 22:43

If you don't feed her, you'll end up unwell and on antibiotics due to mastitis. This is yiur call, not your DH's.

LeopardPants · 09/03/2025 22:46

This is horrific - please go and get your baby and tell your husband to fuck off. The antibodies will do baby good and you're right in that your supply could be affected (I know pumping doesn't always work that well from experience). He is being unbelievably cruel to you and the baby.

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 09/03/2025 22:47

He won’t LET you hold her?

Thats worrying OP

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 09/03/2025 22:48

RosesAndHellebores · 09/03/2025 22:43

If you don't feed her, you'll end up unwell and on antibiotics due to mastitis. This is yiur call, not your DH's.

This. I had mastitis 3 times and believe me I’d have traded it for a vomitting bug 10 times over. It’s the most horrific infection.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 09/03/2025 22:48

Is he always this controlling?

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