DH doesn't want me to breastfeed newborn when I'm sick

[Mamma2452]

Our older child started vomiting this morning. I breast fed my newborn a lot that morning in the hope of getting antibodies into her. About 6h later I was sick too and in no state to breastfeed so I rested on my own.

Now both older child and me are not vomiting, feeling better, just tired. I've pumped for newborn but she is very unsettled with DH. Newborn is having more dirty nappies than usual but not vomiting herself.

DH doesn't want me to breastfeed her directly. He won't let me hold her. He says if there's a chance she's not sick then it's best not to risk it. My thoughts are that our infectious period probably started well before we were sick, so she's already been exposed to the bug. As she has virtually no immune system she probably is already sick and would benefit from the comfort of breastfeeding.

The advice I've read says it's safe to breastfeed when ill. I don't know if DH is being unreasonable. I feel so upset hearing her crying in another room but I don't know what's the right thing to do. It's not we'll have any idea when I will no longer be infectious. Additionally I have struggled with low supply for the last few weeks and worked really hard build it up. I'm worried it's at risk now if I don't breastfeed my baby.

He's a scientist but is oddly very sceptical of medical advice, preferring to go with his gut feeling over established NHS advice.

Are you scared of your husband?

Go get your baby! He is being a very cruel foolish man.

Breastfed both of mine even when ill. If she gets poorly breastfeeding will help and comfort her and she’s already been exposed to any viruses with you and other DC being poorly.

id be going ballistic if my DP tried this with me.

is he actually trying to undermine and sabotage your breastfeeding and milk supply? Can you pump at all?

id be insisting my child is returned to my arms/bosom whilst pettily mumbling under my breath and wishing he got norovirus and has to sleep in the shed to keep the risk away from the household based on his superior scientific logic. grumbles under breath about dickhead know it all men

good luck @Mamma2452

Hmmmm... tough situation, he is being overcautious though.

If he is someone who works in theoretical science but no practical experience in applying it then might be overthinking it slightly. He would some understanding of mechanisms or transmission for example but may not have the experience to understand how the incident rate actually effects newborns and therefore unable to acurately assess the risk to your baby.

One particularly grim moment, I was BFing DD while DH was holding my hair out of my face and balancing the sick bowl above DD's head so I would vom into it and not onto DD. She didn't get the sickness bug!

DD wouldn't have taken a bottle without huge upset and we both felt her getting my antibodies was the best thing to do. Plus I didn't want to end up with reduced supply, mastitis or blocked ducts either

Thank you all. We've had a chat and agreed that his train of logic doesn't make any sense if he should get ill tonight. She's sleeping now but I'll feed her as soon as she's up.

I'm trying to cut DH some slack as he has been cleaning up vomit, changing sheets, doing several loads of laundry and batch cooking while looking after all of us. I want to talk him round.

He may be a scientist but he clearly has NO scientific knowledge surrounding antibodies and immunity when breastfeeding.

This exactly. If makes arguing with him so infuriating because he'll argue without informing himself first.

I've sent him links to NHS and Kellymom but doubt he's reading them.

Thank you all. I felt too weak and tired to argue earlier, but I'm much stronger now and the baby will stay with me.

When we.had d&v and I breastfed ds it was the only thing he could keep down -I would rather dc kept eating and drinking through the illness.

It’s not a great idea to batch cook when there is this kind of infection going round the family.

You'd think a scientist would realise this!

As she has virtually no immune system

Human babies are born with working immune systems, so unless she has a hereditary illness this part isn’t true and you don’t need to be anxious about it.

That said, of course you should feed her! I’m glad you’ve been able to talk to him. Is he generally high-handed and difficult like this or do you think he’s stressed by the illness in the house and handling it poorly? Not that I really consider that an excuse but I suppose some people don’t handle these situations well.

That's a good point. I thought it was madness - who's going to want to eat all this food. I thought he should be prioritising other things.

This has made me feel panicky. I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions if someone tried to do this to me. I so hope you have your baby back now.

Breastfeed her. If she's going to be sick (which is likely) then she's going to handle it better having been well rested and calm rather than being tired and worn out from crying

Yes! I felt very uncomfortable reading this.
I didn’t breastfeed DS, but I know a little about the antibodies and the milk supply dropping if you can’t feed DD regularly.
No one on earth would be keeping me from my newborn - go and get her, OP … this is not a good situation for you or baby, who will be missing her Mummy.
Wishing you both well.🌻

Abd what if he is infected, the food could be contaminated.

What sort of scientist is he?

I continued to breastfeed my baby when I had a vomiting bug. Baby never caught it and I continued to have milk despite not eating for 48 hours. Women’s bodies are amazing things.

He is wrong, personally I would be so angry with him.
If you are sick, the baby has already been exposed.
Your breast milk will specifically have antibodies to the illness in it, as well as white blood cells and other immune boosting substances.

In addition, keeping you and baby separated risks damaging your milk supply. Closeness to baby, the action of the sucking help with the production of hormones that produce breast milk. It is harder (although possible) to keep up the same supply w/ pumping alone.

So his actions risk sabotaging the breastfeeding, which have multiple health benefits in the short + long term.

Your husband is controlling, not a science-led scientist, and incapable of googling about breastfeeding - or apparently mastitis. Feed your baby. (Who will be extra safe antibodies-wise, and extra comforted if already fighting off the illness, with cuddles from mummy; having clearly already been exposed to the well-established household lurgy.) I hope your husband is ashamed of his behaviour.

I understand why he is concerned. But he also doesn’t seem to understand that breastfeeding should be fine.

when my baby was small the whole house became very sick - some sort of flu. I had no choice but to carry on with taking care of baby - he breastfed and everything and didn’t catch whatever we had. This is just what I experienced - I’m no medical expert,

Of course you don’t want to risk it, so I was very cautious - definitely reduced the kisses and super close cuddling - washed hands etc. but you’ve got to keep going.

Hope you and the older children feel better soon OP.
And a couple of days of laundry, disinfecting and vomit removal will do wonders for your DH, it’s character building.

FEED YOUR BABY.

Your husband is being really fucking weird. He shouldn't be keeping the baby from you.

What a controlling cunt