DH doesn't want me to breastfeed newborn when I'm sick

[Mamma2452]

Our older child started vomiting this morning. I breast fed my newborn a lot that morning in the hope of getting antibodies into her. About 6h later I was sick too and in no state to breastfeed so I rested on my own.

Now both older child and me are not vomiting, feeling better, just tired. I've pumped for newborn but she is very unsettled with DH. Newborn is having more dirty nappies than usual but not vomiting herself.

DH doesn't want me to breastfeed her directly. He won't let me hold her. He says if there's a chance she's not sick then it's best not to risk it. My thoughts are that our infectious period probably started well before we were sick, so she's already been exposed to the bug. As she has virtually no immune system she probably is already sick and would benefit from the comfort of breastfeeding.

The advice I've read says it's safe to breastfeed when ill. I don't know if DH is being unreasonable. I feel so upset hearing her crying in another room but I don't know what's the right thing to do. It's not we'll have any idea when I will no longer be infectious. Additionally I have struggled with low supply for the last few weeks and worked really hard build it up. I'm worried it's at risk now if I don't breastfeed my baby.

He's a scientist but is oddly very sceptical of medical advice, preferring to go with his gut feeling over established NHS advice.

He won't LET you feed your baby. WTF.

I'd be taking baby and leaving at that point. Or calling a lawyer to get a court order.

He's wrong on all levels. Show him this thread.

Seriously you shouldn't be having to send your husband links to try convince him to 'let' you feed & hold your baby

Definitely be with your baby and feed them. I would hit the roof if my partner tried to keep me away from my baby, it's horrible.

I haven't read the whole thread so I don't know if anyone has already said this but it's considered abuse to prevent a mother from breastfeeding!

I agree. This is actually quite chillling. I’d have been climbing the walls. And he’s using his job to manipulate and overrule and justify his utterly abusive actions.

And it is a huge red flag that he thinks he is too clever to follow long-evidenced medical advice.

The problem with scientists, I am one and so is my partner and nearly all my friends, is they know an awful lot about something very specific.
A good scientist will know the limits of their expertise and defer to others specialists when out of their comfort zone. A good scientist will read up on areas to try to make as an informed decision as possible.
A scientist making unilateral decisions about another persons body on a feeling is not a scientist I would be listening to for advice in that situation.

Feed your baby. When you are all feeling better I would have a talk to him about this because it's not ok in the slightest and the reasons for his actions need to be understood. There are red flags of abusive behaviour but also of extreme risk aversion without any joined up thinking about the full risk of the situation. From a knee jerk point of view without looking at the big picture "keep baby away from sick person" looks a sensible decision. On the flip side "Keep baby away from source of nutrition, comfort and protection" is a bad decision. Why was he unable to see past the knee jerk reaction?

Families cannot, should not and must not isolate from each other in the same house.

My 4 year old was ill when we had a newborn. What am I going to do? Shove him away from me when he needs me most?

If you’ve pumped the milk and she is drinking it via bottle, what is the difference to being breast fed in terms of contamination of germs ? Surely the risk is exactly the same as its bodily fluid?

Hope you are feeling better and managed to feed the baby. Baby definitely benefits from you feeding her.

Unfortunately, some controlling types who end up in science then decide they know ALL the science because they are the scientist and science is what they do. Some types get incredibly defensive if they don’t know, especially when something new or different is proposed because they feel like their knowledge of science is being challenged. Some just feel like they know better than others, teachers, curriculum leaders, NHS , etc.
We know it’s an immensely broad subject and quite often others don’t understand what the scientist actually does so when society assumes that the person with a science degree should know everything then that doesn’t help this kind of know it all attitude either. This goes for loads of subjects but I’ve personally found scientists the worst and there is a degree of snobbery.

Hopefully he has a read of the literature you’ve sent him, even though it’s not something he has experience of himself. I expect he might not like being told what to read as he is the scientist so doesn’t need to be told about it.

Your DH sounds absolutely batshit.

Literally how dare he not let you hold your own baby 😡

Go and get your baby and offer them comfort.

Why on earth do DH's opinions trump your opinions, or the opinions of the NHS? Your baby needs the comfort and the antibodies that your milk will provide. Your DH is being hugely unreasonable and, dare I say it, a massive arsehole.

I agree with him tbh. Pump so she has the antibodies but less contact with you

I think generally best to keep feeding. Your body is clearly fighting off the bug so you will pass along antibodies. Breast milk is amazing stuff and will adapt to your babies needs. I never found pumping quite emptied the breast so would worry about mastitis/ low supply.

I found nursing tea and garlic really good at boosting supply for when you are getting back to normal.

He's a scientist but is oddly very sceptical of medical advice, preferring to go with his gut feeling over established NHS advice

So a scientist who can't process or understand data? He's an idiot, an arogant idiot at that.

Feed the baby if only to avoid mastitis which is much more serious an issue than DH's idiot "scientist" opinions derived from intestines and bowels.

Fucking arsehole. Take your baby and give her all the comfort she needs. Breastfed babies rarely get illness the same way as the parents because of all the antibodies. The science community know fuck all about breastfeeding and illness and comfort because they have never bothered to research it. But a Mother's comfort Trump's anything.

What sort of scientist is he?!

He's completely wrong and I'm glad your feeling better as others have said bf is best protection for baby and providing comfort.
When your fully recovered please address this with him as its completely nuts and his "logic" is completely floored. It's also extremely controlling and should never be repeated again.

His argument of being a scientist is also complete bollocks and I say this as a scientist! A proper scientist follows the data - the data shows bf passes antibodies within 1 hour of exposure to a illness.

Of course it’s ok to breastfeed your baby. She’ll get your immunity and all the benefits of breastfeeding that protect against being ill. Your dh is not a scientist.

Have a shower, drink loads of water, feed your baby.

Make sure everyone in the house is washing hands.

I breastfed with norovirus where I was hospitalised. DD had it too but recovered more quickly and was less severe. All advice was keep on breastfeeding to support baby’s recovery and pretty sure that’s why she bounced back quickly

The advice is to keep feeding your baby when ill. I had a stomach bug when my dd was 8 months old. I kept feeding her and she never got sick from it. Your milk will have some really good anti bodies that will protect her. Tell him to do some research on this. He shouldn't be telling you what he thinks you can and can't do with your body!

Christ, the comments on here. A dad is allowed to be anxious about his newborn catching a D&V bug.

And I’d make sure he knows this OP.

Anxious, yes. Decide all for himself the mother isn’t allowed to hold, feed, or interact with her own newborn annd therefore keep them apart, absolutely not.

This.

He is a scientist? Doesn't sound like a very good one.

Anxious, yes. Controlling, no.