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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP wants to buy a house for his DF

80 replies

Allthesweets · 09/03/2025 15:51

Current situation. DP and I have been together for 5 years, we have a three year old DD. I own the house and all bills are in my name, he pays me set amount each month which covers the bills. I’d like us to eventually move out and buy a house together. Ideally sooner rather than later, as where we are is small. DP has asked that we wait as he’s has been going through a lot over the past year or so. His step dad passed away last July and this affected him a lot.

This would be ok, but now DP’s DF, who was renting has moved out of his home due to a fight with his landlord. He is pretty unreliable and owes DP’s brother money already which he is showing no signs of paying back. We are unsure where he is living so now DP is understandable worried. Both he and his brother are considering buying a house together to put DF into for him to pay them rent. I am very wary of this due to DF’s history with money and it would also mean that when we come to buy it would be classed as our second home, bigger deposit etc. plus my DP would be using all the money he has saved on a deposit for this house making me have to put all the deposit into a home for us.

I have tried saying this to DP and I am worried that even though this is very caring towards his DF that he is not considering us and how this will affect his family. He says he is going to do this anyway as he just wants his dad to have a home.

AIBU to be annoyed about this?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 09/03/2025 15:53

Yes, I would be annoyed about this as well-he isn't showing any loyalty or commitment to you.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 09/03/2025 15:53

He can go live with his dad then and pay child support to you.

Cerialkiller · 09/03/2025 15:53

Is your dp paying only his half of the bills but not the mortgage? If so you will be subsidising his father's house.

Theunamedcat · 09/03/2025 15:54

Don't marry him

Don't buy a home with him you can buy a bigger house yourself without him

Modernskylines · 09/03/2025 15:54

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gamerchick · 09/03/2025 15:55

It's probably a good job you're not married and your set up is as it is OP.

Tell him that's fine. He can move in with his dad and pay you child support. You can't have a future with something so potentially messy.

Modernskylines · 09/03/2025 15:55

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FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 09/03/2025 15:56

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This!

GOODCAT · 09/03/2025 15:56

You are not married, so no your fiance can buy without paying additional rates of stamp duty land tax as he doesn't own an interest in a property at the moment. That changes when you marry.

His father will not be able to sell the property as fiance and brother will be on the title.

This is not the worst idea, save that he will have less ability to contribute to a bigger home with you.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/03/2025 15:58

Let him go live with his dad and he can pay CM, don't get any further financially entwined with this man, the man that puts his degenerate father ahead of his own child.

BaronessBomburst · 09/03/2025 16:01

His father is a grown man who has made his own choices.
DP needs to understand that he cannot save him, especially to the detriment of himself and his family.
It sounds harsh but it's sadly true.

GabriellaMontez · 09/03/2025 16:02

And when his dad doesn't pay rent... who will pay the mortgage?

Original poster
Allthesweets · 09/03/2025 16:04

GabriellaMontez · 09/03/2025 16:02

And when his dad doesn't pay rent... who will pay the mortgage?

Exactly, he and his brother will need to cover it. Plus any upkeep to the property. I can’t imagine they’ll kick him out. He’s also nearly 70 so he won’t be working for much longer.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 09/03/2025 16:07

GOODCAT · 09/03/2025 15:56

You are not married, so no your fiance can buy without paying additional rates of stamp duty land tax as he doesn't own an interest in a property at the moment. That changes when you marry.

His father will not be able to sell the property as fiance and brother will be on the title.

This is not the worst idea, save that he will have less ability to contribute to a bigger home with you.

I agree with this. I dont like his attitude that he gives you spending money that just covers the bills and is going to do it regardless of your concerns. So dont marry, if you want a bigger house do it in your name only snd continue to charge him rent to civet the bills.

BarneyRonson · 09/03/2025 16:11

ooof no. He’s not putting enough into your family / relationship, he still sees himself as separate. Bad news.

Original poster
Allthesweets · 09/03/2025 16:15

Shinyandnew1 · 09/03/2025 15:53

Yes, I would be annoyed about this as well-he isn't showing any loyalty or commitment to you.

Yes I think this is what is bothering me, that this is not showing commitment to me or our DD, and our future. Plus a larger financial responsibility on my shoulders.

OP posts:
maddening · 09/03/2025 16:15

GOODCAT · 09/03/2025 15:56

You are not married, so no your fiance can buy without paying additional rates of stamp duty land tax as he doesn't own an interest in a property at the moment. That changes when you marry.

His father will not be able to sell the property as fiance and brother will be on the title.

This is not the worst idea, save that he will have less ability to contribute to a bigger home with you.

But it would impact the op if.they sold and bought somewhere else as they would be classed as owning 2 properties - 2nd property attracts higher stamp duty and it would be taken in to consideration in the affordability calcs

Original poster
Allthesweets · 09/03/2025 16:16

BarneyRonson · 09/03/2025 16:11

ooof no. He’s not putting enough into your family / relationship, he still sees himself as separate. Bad news.

Just out of interest what would you see as putting enough in?

I agree with you about still seeing himself as separate.

OP posts:
Suzuki76 · 09/03/2025 16:19

You can't get an unregulated buy to let mortgage and put a family member in the property so the buyers will both need to have their income assessed and go through much stricter underwriting. I'd be willing to bet the rates are high too.

Plus it's likely to have to be a repayment mortgage and require a 25% deposit.

Modernskylines · 09/03/2025 16:20

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Ellie1015 · 09/03/2025 16:28

The option of brothers buying to rent to FIL would be better than ending up with FIL living with us if there are no other options.

28Fluctuations · 09/03/2025 16:29

Buy a new, larger home in your name only, with your money only. Though, do that only if you want a new home and would want it regardless of whether dp stayed or left. Is it too small for just you and dd?

Continue the relationship as long as you both like, but don't marry or tie yourself to him financially.

He can do as he pleases with his brother and Dad.

Pokemum24 · 09/03/2025 16:30

Renting to family or friends always ends in tears.

AmusedGoose · 09/03/2025 16:32

OK so DH bought his DM a house in 2008 due to him wanting to secure his investments when the country was in financial crisis. She doesn't pay rent but DH is a landlord in all other respects e.g gaschecks, insurance. Since then the house has gone up in value by £100k. She is an excellent tenant. However she has become very reliant on DH with lots of phone calls and visits which ordinarily he wouldn't have got involved with. She was widowed aged 45 and up to then had been super independent. The biggest thing thouge is now 83 and has just received a diagnosis of mixed dementia. Now I seriously wonder if she should move. She is quite isolated as she doesn't drive and I think she would benefit from sheltered accommodation now but she is refusing point blank to even consider it and I am also concerned about her dementia worsening and having issues accessing the house and possibly problems such as leaving the gas on or hoarding. Basically she is a sitting tenant we can't do anything about! So I would bare in mind that this is a long term solution to a temporary problem and depending how own his DF is, its worth trying to get him social housing especially over 55s. I don't regret DH buying his mum a house to live in but we didn't think of the long term aspect.

viques · 09/03/2025 16:34

Be cheaper for the brothers to pay a deposit for their father to rent somewhere else. If he defaults again they can say hand on heart that they have done their bit.

Even cheaper to tell him he is an adult and needs to take responsibility for his actions.