Would you check your partners phone if you suspected them cheating?

[fern45]

NC'd and looking for a hand hold. If you had suspicion and chance to snoop on their phone, would you? And if you found something would you confront them straight away?

Yes I’d snoop

I wouldn’t confront them straight away, would give myself time to think and get my 🦆 in a row

If it got to the stage where I felt the need to go through someone’s phone without their permission, I would consider the relationship to be over already.

Yes I would definitely look. I mean how else are you supposed to get the info? They're hardly likely to confess freely!

Take photos of whatever you find but do it from your own phone.

Confronting them immediately depends on what you want to happen next really.

No never, I don't care what my husband has done, if it was illegal i llI would happily call the police anything else I would not lose my self respect it is on him, but I in reality after nearly 30 years he has never given me any hint of needing to do it regardless

Absolutely, yes.

Yes he definitely wouldn't freely confess.

I looked this morning as he was home late last night although it could well have been that he was at the pubs until closing but he had 2 incoming calls from a woman I've had suspicions about in the past.

I'm pregnant with baby number 2 and his behaviour has only changed in the past couple of months. I feel so stupid for getting pregnant again if I'm going to end up single before the baby arrives

Yes!

Decades ago I read a letter from a woman to my boyfriend. I did it because we weren't really communicating, partly because I couldn't communicate. So I'm not going to say I have never done it. But it achieved nothing except confirming that our relationship was in a bad state. It's a distraction that doesn't help, and it really is a breach of privacy.

You go through his phone and what then? You find proof and your marriage is over. Or you don't find anything and you'll still feel suspicious because you'll just think he's hiding any evidence. Either way, once the suspicions have formed, it's very hard for them to go away.

Yes definitely

No.

From bitter experience!

That old trope.

It's really not that straightforward, especially when kids are involved.

If he is getting phone calls from another woman who you already have grounds to be worried about, and his behaviour has recently changed, and he has stayed out late, then I think you have more than one good reason to check his phone. Especially given you are pregnant.
It's sad that you need to. But cheating on pregnant partners seems to be so common amongst a certain type of man.

Yes. I did it out of a gut feeling, the only time I had ever done it. Read a message from him to his work colleague 'I'll be thinking about you tonight x'
He totally denied it when I confronted him.
I left him anyway. They are married now with 2 kids.

It can be straightforward, my husband knows my line and I his, we have never crossed it and it would be over instantly, I would lose instant respect and it would be impossible to be under the same roof, there is a lot in life i am unsure of this is not one of them, if I felt I needed to check his phone that would be the end of it then

Definitely check if it means it’s the only clarification you’ll be able to get. Definitely sounds dodgy I’m afraid

Perhaps it's straightforward for you in your relationship.

It's not so straightforward for OP when she is pregnant with her second child to this man. She shouldn't be having to live with the stress and worry of not knowing where she stands. If looking at his phone will give her the power of knowing where she stands then it is a reasonable thing for her to do.

When you're pregnant is classic timing.

I did and it doesn't look great although not confirmed, like PP have said it more shows that the relationship isn't great as I feel the need to.

I need to work out what I am going to do, I hate that horrible feeling of someone possibly cheating, my ex showed me that for many years

Hmm, It sounds like it might be common for certain men?

Absolutely not. My mum always said "looking in other people's pockets (the 80s equivalent of phone checks) is like wearing their dirty underwear". Not only that, but it is also an offense under computer misuse act. My partner did it to me once early in the relationship and I told him in no uncertain terms that if he does it again, I am out. I am perfectly happy to show him my phone if he asks, I am not happy for him to have access to my personal device without permission.
If you can't communicate and negotiate these issues openly, I am not sure snooping would make any improvements to your relationship.

100%

Nope. My partner going through my phone would be an absolute red line for me, relationship would be over. So I'd be a bit of a hypocrite to do it to her.

If it got to a point where I suspected her of cheating though, then the relationships probably over anyway.

Yes, but you need to be prepared about what you might find

Yes I would look if I was suspicious.

I do kind of agree that if you've reached that stage it's not a great relationship anyway but things can change and relationships can be worked on.

Yes, absolutely.
Stuff all that high minded nonsense about “snooping”, if someone is betraying you, you need to know, so you can make your plans.
As pointed out upthread, they’re hardly likely to tell you - at least not until they’re leaving.

I wouldn’t confront him straight away, either. I would amass information, get my ducks in a row and get ready not to be shafted in a separation.