Friend not doing an evening meal as “we had a big meal earlier”

[Bupo]

So I’m staying with a friend who invited me to stay. She lives in a nice town that many tourists visit.

This evening I asked if there was any meal prep i could help with for dinner. And friend said something along the lines of “oh I assumed you wouldn’t want dinner as we had a massive meal earlier”.

She’s not wrong. We went to KFC as a few of the restaurants we tried were too busy. It’s literally been years since I last went. I had a burger and two chicken wings. The chips were raw so I only ate a couple.

It’s not the lightest meal but surely most would still expect to eat/feed a guest. She’s not weird with food and a normal not-big-not-small size.

I had about 4 tablespoons of leftover rice and curry for breakfast.

I’m about to go on a “walk” to coop

Left over takeaway for breakfast is one of life's joys. Indian, Chinese, pizza. All good

Totally agree with this^^

If you have invited someone to stay, regardless of your appetite or lack of it, it’s basic good manners as a host to ensure that they have plenty to eat and drink.

To not even get up and offer to make you a sandwich or a cheese board, or call for a pizza or something is really poor form imho.

Cold onion bahjis (sp?) for breakfast are a wonder and a delight!

And lots of people across the world do not have special breakfast foods and eat savoury spiced food for breakfast eg Malaysia, Laos, Singapore etc

Having read the whole thread now I think it’s pretty strange to invite someone for the weekend and not even bother to cook once.

Having takeaway for two or three meals in a row is pretty grim if you ask me.

You don’t even have to cook; just have a bag of salad, a fruit bowl, some eggs, cheese and charcuterie in the fridge, and some good bread.

Unless you are extremely close friends who virtually live in each other’s homes; it’s pretty rude behaviour. You’ve made the effort to go there Op; I’d be feeling a bit let down in your shoes.

People should not have visitors if they are not willing to feed them. Your host is mean, lazy or just plain clueless.

Is she on weight loss injections?

Very poor hosting. I don't eat an evening meal anymore but I would prep and cook one for any guest.

I did wonder about weight loss injections or intermittent fasting. But she also had seconds of the Indian takeaway so perhaps she genuinely wasn’t hungry. Or perhaps she consciously restricted her intake after having had so many calories on Friday night. Poor hosting whatever the reason to expect you to not eat.

are you sure she’s not a secret frenemy?

Well either she's on a budget or something, anyway very rude and presumtious. I always take a few snacks if staying anywhere. People seem to have strange rules with food.go grab yourself something from the shop.

Yeah my ex-PIL were like this,

They'd say "oh my gosh we had such a big lunch, can't face dinner".

They live miles from any shops so we learnt to bring food with us. Had to hide it in the bedroom though because if they saw you eating it they'd be upset they weren't being good hosts.

(Spoiler - they weren't being good hosts!)

After a while nobody stayed with them.

In all honesty I wouldn’t eat anything else if I had KFC, purely because of the calories

how about "oh I'm still a little bit hungry, shall we order some takeaway?"

Problem solved.

Nor would I, definitely not, but I assume you would offer a guest the option if ther were staying with you?
I would be so embarrassed if they were having to find supermarkets and worry about food and being hungryetc if they were staying with us 😬

It’s not really with the wine at all - most people on WLI wouldn’t drink to that extent and wouldn’t indulge in greasy takeaways. I take WLIs and eat three square meals. But it’s incredibly messed up behaviour and absolutely horrible for guests. If you have weird food habits then don’t take them out on your poor guests ffs. Leftover tiny portion of curry for breakfast? Wtf?

I don't know what you did in the end OP, but I would have had to say to her that I was hungry and could I make something, even if it was just a couple of slices of toast. I wouldn't suffer in silence (especially after wine on an empty stomach)

If she’s had a few mouthfuls of curry for breakfast plus one burger and a couple of wings, I doubt she’s even hit 1000 calories for the day. She (and anyone) could easily have a hearty dinner or at least some toast and not have to worry about calories at all.
I find competitive undereating so exhausting. My MIL does it and no joke absolutely all she talks about is how she couldn’t possibly eat x or y because she’s still so stuffed from having one burger/half a pizza but how it’s okay to treat yourself once in a while because she does walk 15000 steps a day.

This sounds like such a drama over nothing. She didn’t cook dinner one time because she wasn’t hungry and you guys had a bigger lunch. She makes a big effort to feed you when you visit by cooking and paying for food out.
If you were hungry you should have just made some toast or told her you were nipping out for some snacks or ordered food. It’s such a non issue, you aren’t a baby who can’t communicate.

In what world is a kfc burger and two
chicken wings “a bigger lunch?”

A few people on this thread have said that. The absolute madness over food on here astounds me.

Literally most people would class a KFC burger as a bigger lunch than usual.

I suspect another thread will appear about the CF guest who invited themselves over because the op lives in a beautiful location rather than because they’re close, expected to be entertained and bought food and only offered a shitty kfc in return..

Definitely need something in the evening, but I do agree that it probably wouldn't be another 'meal'.

And what did you say to her? Could you have said well I'm a bit hungry so do you mind if I make a sandwich?

That would be a big lunch for me. The burger is more than sufficient and I couldn’t manage the wings as well. Everyone is different. The issue here is the lack of care for a guest. It is good manners to ensure your guests aren’t hungry! It does make me wonder if the friend is fed up of hosting in her tourist location. I know I would be. I would hate the extra work.

The answers on here fascinate me but also make me realize I no
longer enjoy hosting or being a guest, staying in hotels instead, especially with family who live opposite end of the country and now make zero effort when we visit despite being treated like royalty on all their visits.
As in if we didn't turn up with anything there wouldn't even be a welcome drink, we never get offered a meal cooked at home but get taken out 1x to a restaurant during a stay, usually on last eve.
Visiting we still do below guest behaviour ( despite staying in a hotel ).
It's truly depressing me, is it too much to offer a cup of tea glass of wine on arrival if you see us once or twice a year ?

Also live in a tourist hotspot, understatement, London.

My host behavior : 5 star hotel level
Breakfast, lunch, snacks, picnics, tea, dinner all catered for.
Plentiful choices, cupboards full, I cook and you can help yourself to anything anytime.
All excursions "chauffeur" serviced to wherever takes your fancy or indeed planned. Guests/family used to the pampered all carefully thought out holiday and rarely do anything off their own back, don't blame them as guess years of me doing this set the expectations.
DH and DCs have same behavior/mindset, we're all always at bar first getting the round types.
Family stay for a e.g week, we get taken out 1x for a " thank you for hosting us " meal.
Would I love it if they occasionally helped with a meal/planning entertainment ? I'd be over the moon but almost feels unhostlike to
ask ?!

Me/ us being a guest mindset/behaviour :
totally thrilled at being invited and hosted ( = no hotel cost )
turn up laden with presents/drinks/flowers
offer and go if they like to get freshly baked rolls/croissants for breakfast
take host out for lunch /dinner or pop to local supermarket/deli to contribute items towards lunch /dinner
offer and take host out for day trips
Wouldn't dream of being hosted AND having host to lay on full board too.

Am guessing, maybe wrongly, in this post
host is probably not on Mounjaro but somehow getting irked at expected hosting level = full board all inc holiday? and guest surprised that things might have been different in past and not sure what caused new behaviour.
Being taken out for KFC for lunch might have been a trigger, maybe a pub or nice cafe would gave been more appropiate.