Friend not doing an evening meal as “we had a big meal earlier”

[Bupo]

So I’m staying with a friend who invited me to stay. She lives in a nice town that many tourists visit.

This evening I asked if there was any meal prep i could help with for dinner. And friend said something along the lines of “oh I assumed you wouldn’t want dinner as we had a massive meal earlier”.

She’s not wrong. We went to KFC as a few of the restaurants we tried were too busy. It’s literally been years since I last went. I had a burger and two chicken wings. The chips were raw so I only ate a couple.

It’s not the lightest meal but surely most would still expect to eat/feed a guest. She’s not weird with food and a normal not-big-not-small size.

I had about 4 tablespoons of leftover rice and curry for breakfast.

I’m about to go on a “walk” to coop

I'd be worried about those bowel movements and sniffy farts of all you have eaten is leftover curry for breakfast and battered minced pounded meat

How long are you staying OP?

If it's a long time might it be that she thinks you'll look after yourself a bit rather than her full on hosting?

Im leaving tomorrow afternoon.

I also do a quick run to the local supermarket and stock up on alcohol/essentials/snacks etc

You may be too faint from lack of food to drive....

Did you bring anything for her eg a small gift?

Does she ever visit you?

Im guessing as she lives in a tourist town, she is fed up with providing food for guests, and you’re getting the brunt of it.

I think, if I was you, I wouldn’t have asked if I could help prepare food. I’d have asked her if she wanted to go out, order in or stop off at M&S on the way back from your shopping trip, so you could buy something nice for a night in.

I could say to any of my friends "I'm hungry". Or
Why don't you just go to co op, get snacks and say it's a treat because you're leaving tomorrow.

Even if she didn’t want a big dinner you would be at least checking your whatever your guest wanted instead of assuming they were full.

Yep 1:30 KFC to no dinner at all isn't on. Could you have a slice of toast or something like that?

Did you get to the shop in time?? Ours shuts at 10pm. All of 'em.

To stay where my friend lives would cost me over £300 just for a room in a premier inn , so buying some food is a much cheaper option.

I would politely ask if it was ok to make myself a sandwich, and if not I would order myself a pizza. Eating three meals a day is normal, orthorexia and skipping meals isn't, and I wouldn't be prepared to go along with it or be made to feel greedy for wanting regular meals. Life is too short and I am too old and crabby to put up with bullshit.

I have a light/no dinner after a heavy lunch, but I wouldn't assume a guest would necessarily want the same, no.

Does she have food in the kitchen that you could eat?

DH and I had a Toby Carvery for lunch. This was our dinner....

Just about right, I reckon!

@AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta

At the start, OP said they were going for a walk to the co op.

I regularly stay at friends and vice versa. Quickly learned we all have very different eating habits. I am very much a standard 3 meals a day/person. The friend I stayed with last week loves breakfast but not before 11am. Another is doing some intermittent fasting thing and only eats between 3 and 9pm.

The thing is, I visit friends to spend time with them. I don't expect to be 'hosted'. But I also have no problem saying "I'll go and get some cereal and milk from the coop as I know I will be hungry at 8am, can i bring you anything?". It's really not a big deal.

If she doesn't want to eat that's fine.

I'd be ordering myself a pizza

Ugh my mum does this all the time - basically if we had a hot lunch of any kind she thinks that means no one wants dinner 🤦🏻‍♀️. I always eat 3 meals a day unless it was a large late afternoon lunch.

You're new around here, aren't you? On planet MN, it's both a massive meal, and UPF so doubly horrendous.

I could see the argument if you'd had a huge Sunday roast type meal with two types of potatoes, loads of vegetables, yorkshires etc around 4pm - all you'd want later in the evening would be something light.

Exceptionally poor hosting to not have food for a guest - you say @Bupo that your friend isn't weird about food and portions, but that's not what her behaviour is saying.

Yes, it's like the people who have a normal lunch out then pat their stomach and say "Oh I won't need anything tonight now". Whaaat?

Quite - esp without the chips!

That's really bad hosting, I'd say something along the lines of I'm sorry but I need dinner and then head to a local shop!

Did she have a chicken that she cooked several days ago that you could also eat today and miraculously it would be a full meal??!

YANBU - I need to feel I have had breakfast, lunch and dinner, and at a reasonable hour. It drives me nuts when I'm out with people and who don't care if they eat lunch, or when they eat it and it's 2.30pm with no sign of anyone stopping for lunch and I'm on a massive sugar crash as I needed a meal an hour ago at latest. Even if we've had a large or late lunch I need to eat something that could pass for dinner, even if it's just tuna mayo on toast or something like that.

Earlier in our relationship it did tend to happen on holiday with DH, he could (and still can but not when I'm depending on it) eat 'lunch' any time between 1pm and 5pm and often dinner post 9pm but he did learn that I need lunch between about midday and 2, and dinner between 6.30-8.30 ideally!

I don’t eat dinner if I have a big lunch and KFC would be a big lunch for me. Having salad that I’d check with guests before not cooking and offer them something if they wanted.

when I’m a guest I always take my host out for a meal to thank them. Did you pay for the takeaway last night?