To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

[elliejjtiny]

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

It was a very mixed bag for us, we benefited from some things, and found other extremely hard.

Your MIL’s comment was thoughtless and dismissive of your reality. Is she always this lacking in understanding and empathy?

At the time I was sad that my parents were too far away to wave through windows for birthdays. However I quickly changed my mind after hearing how distressing a lot of my friends toddlers found it, seemed to really freak them out that they could see granny and grandpa but weren't allowed to go up to them. Glad to have skipped that one.

Yep I hated it too. Couldn’t spend quality time with my parents as my dad was shielding, he has since passed away so I really despise the time when I couldn’t properly be with him. Lockdown stole precious time with him. I was also at home alone with 3 kids, 5, 3 and under 1, trying and failing to home school the 5 year old. It was horrendous apart from the weather. I know if it occurs again I won’t be following the rules.

I didnt follow all the rules anyway, I did go and see my parents and I was in work full time anyway as was my partner so the idea of bubbles didnt really make sense in our cases. I went shopping a lot and we went out a lot. I didnt wear a mask most of the time as I panicked it it and couldnt see properly, I also cant hear people if I cant see them speaking.

I hated it and I try not to think about it too much as I ended up on antidepressants. DH and I are teachers. He was in each day to be with vulnerable children so that left me home alone with DS 5 and DD 8 whilst trying to teach (I was teaching live lessons and a tutor period each day). DS didn’t have his ASD diagnosis at that point but it was obvious. I remember asking my Head if I could refrain from teaching live and setting cover, but she told me to just turn my mic off if DS was having a meltdown. I remember writing a post on here about how unhappy I was and faced a tirade of abuse as I was a teacher.

Your MIL has a completely different life to you so of course her perspective will be different.

I HATED lockdown and my mental health was in the gutter. It was awful. I was heavily pregnant with my youngest. I had to do all my hospital appts on my own. My husband couldn’t see the scans etc… plus I’m ocd with cleanliness so the whole sanitation piece drive me insane.

My eldest was 2 years old and never stopped moving. I couldn’t get any childcare and was feeling very tired and rough from pregnancy. My husband was working full time and didn’t help at all. I was barely sleeping too.

I’d gone from having a career going to work to being stuck in the house with a screaming toddler and heavily pregnant with zero help. My youngest was a surprise baby too and I was the last person that people would think I’d have another child as I was happy with 1. So dealing with that too whilst feeling physically rough with no support really tipped me over the edge.

I didn’t struggle with lockdown but then I had to go to work (NHS) so life stayed pretty much the same for me. I enjoyed the stillness and peace of quiet streets and roads. But I’m an introvert and had a garden to be in so know I was lucky

YANBU and your MIL is very unreasonable.
It was a very difficult and scary time. For me, I was relieved when we went into lockdown but I only had one child and he was old enough to do his homeschooling without needing too much input (he was a little star, actually). My job switched to working from home for about a year so I was very lucky. I have health issues so I was very keen to avoid catching it (and still am - to be honest I find day to day life more difficult now than it was then, because people now take literally no care not to catch or spread it, the lack of care from society now brings it's own trauma).
But I do know people who had terrible times in lockdown for lots of reasons and I am not so insensitive to be able to understand that it was a very hard time for many.
We were all in the same storm, but we weren't all in the same boat.

I couldnt bear the pot banging and never engaged with that.

I found it hard. I started to write a massive post about why it was hard then realised that I, like you OP, don’t actually have to justify that. Our whole way of life, what we could and couldn’t do, who we could see, the way we worked, our entire experience of the world, changed in a matter of days. You don’t need a special reason to find that hard. You don’t need to be in a bad situation made worse by lockdown, you don’t need to be in a studio flat in a city, or an abusive relationship, you can have a perfectly “easy” and “nice” life and still find that challenging. If people really can’t understand why the experience was easier for some than others and that would rely on multiple factors they probably have no idea about, then they are really very self centred.

I hated lockdown. I have a lovely family, secure job, lots of outdoor space- not to brag but to make the point I basically had all the privileges to be able to enjoy lockdown. And I found it incredibly damaging to my mental health, anxiety, perceptions of the world… and I’m still angry about it now, for myself and for everyone else who suffered, people like yourself who were in far more difficult situations than me. It was a mad time and it will take a very long time to come back from, and YANBU.

What's the purpose of these regular threads about lockdown? this was five years ago, who is still dwelling on it? Life has changed dramatically since then, you know, some people, many millions actually, found real wars hard. I would imagine that five children, esp with SEN, is bloody hard lockdown or not.

Yes, many people really enjoyed lockdowns, others died horrible covid death, some research show that babies born in lockdown are generally healthier. As every other bit of life it worked well for some and was disaster for others.

To moan about lockdowns five years later is a bit pathetic.

Best brace yourself then, since the 5 year anniversary of the first one is coming up. It'll be a tough time for people who think there's a statute of limitations on discussion and impacts of lockdown.

Detested it. I have never worked so hard in my life as I did during lockdown homeschooling 2 children. As a supply teacher I had no work to go to and so teaching my children was my job, full time hours 9-3, preparing working and planning a couple of hours each night. It was so stressful and the pressure I put on myself to get it perfect was immense. All my choice of course, but I’m with you, makes my chest tight just thinking about it!

5 years is a long time ago, but the lockdowns have had such far reaching effects, which are still having impact now.
We are being encouraged to reflect, nationally on the effects of lockdown at the moment and I assumed that was why OP posted.
As I said on previous page of this thread, it was a terrible time for me, and has left me with constant anxiety (although that may also be menopause related as I'm 51...)

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen My worst fear was about the imposition of the ‘vaccine’ and the threat of being completely removed from society as I was terrified of having it. I have a nasty tendency to anaphylactic shock caused by random stimuli, and the first vaccine invitation mentioned this possibility almost in passing. My GP offered to have steroid injection and oxygen on standby when I was jabbed….well, no thanks.
I was very worried that I wouldn’t be allowed to enter public premises without the ‘purity certificate’ which would have been serious as it is up to me to do most of the face to face contact necessities.

As a country, we came dangerously close to the reality of "get vaccinated, or be an outcast". The infrastructure was there. People had been persuaded this was how it was going to go, or lockdown would go on for ever, in one form or another. Facebook profiles said "vaccinated and proud of it". The idea was normalised, widely accepted, oven-baked, and ready to go. All it needed was a reluctant nod from Boris Johnson; I think probably the only thing that stopped the government doing this was preserving their ability to say "we never forced anybody to take the vaccine". Maybe not, but they damned well made sure the messaging ensured the public would do their dirty work for them. Other countries had made compulsory vaccines a reality (e.g. Austria), just like Italy made lockdown a reality for us, when politicians had previously dismissed the idea. Big names including the Archbishop of Canterbury were publicly advocating the vaccine, and hinting that if you refused, you were the lowest of the low. "Jesus would have taken it." Vaccine injuries were hushed up. Anybody who dared to speak against the vaccine was swiftly silenced. Tesco had that advert of Santa showing his vaxpass (I have barely shopped at Tesco since). The idea that the vaccine was compulsory to participate in society was very, very well-established.

Maybe it was an insensitive and flippant comment, but I wouldn’t overthink it. It was your choice to have five children anyway, so you can’t really complain about having to look after them yourself in difficult circumstances.

What's the point of moaning about lockdown? To make sure that the reality of lockdown is never forgotten. Until lockdown's cheerleaders admit to the massive harms caused by lockdowns, I will keep screaming very loudly about how terrible lockdown was for many people. This is a hill I will die on. Just like you might say "what's point in moaning about men in wigs using ladies' changing rooms? It's pathetic". Many people feel strongly about it. We were not allowed to talk about the harms of lockdown while it was happening, so we are doing it now. Lockdown is an issue that many people feel very strongly about indeed, especially as many of lockdown's biggest cheerleaders are still refusing to admit that it caused any harm at all.

Although lockdown is now half-forgotten by many people, the precedent has been set, a line which was previously thought uncrossable has now been crossed. Lockdown could easily happen again, and be even more damaging than before, with even more fear messaging than before. The Sword of Damocles is hanging, and ready to strike. People keep talking about "the next pandemic": and at the moment, the default response is... lockdown. Nobody has publicly said "lockdowns caused much more harm than good... never again". While the anger caused by Partygate might have prevented restrictions in subsequent winters (which I think could easily have happened otherwise), this anger will not last for ever. By the time another reason for lockdown might happen, the faces of those behind this one will be long forgotten, quietly enjoying their very, very comfortable retirements, or dead; and none of them have received any consequences at all, not even Boris Johnson, who should be in prison for a whole host of reasons, but probably became even more rich off the back of Partygate.

And I'm not holding my breath for the inquiry saying anything about the harms of lockdown, or fear messaging. Indeed, I will not be surprised if it is summarised by "we should have locked down harder, faster, longer, frightened the public even more, and we will next time".

Do you have children?

Of course she can. Plenty of parents with one child moan about various things , with or without lockdowns . It's a dickish thing to say that you can't complain about parenting(regardless of numbers) because you chose to have kids.

And then the MIL pushed it one step further on the dick scale by saying it could've been "fun" if only OP was more organised.

Perhaps you're blind to the effects that it is still having and continues to have on our society, we are sorely damaged from the lockdown. Its huge. Unlike other european countries we dont have the social structure and communality that they have to rebuild and support one another, so we have gone to shit.

I was pregnant through lock down and it was terrifying. I’d had what we think was Covid in February 2020 and we didn’t know how that would affect her. I couldn’t leave our flat, my grandad died alone in a nursing home, friends of mine lost jobs.

i think it’s incredibly insensitive to go on about how great lockdown was and ignore just how scary or awful it was for some people.

i still suffer with awful anxiety now.
you certainly aren’t alone in finding it awful

I do not recognise this view on the UK in any shape or form

Lucky you.

So your use of “we” isn’t accurate