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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

443 replies

elliejjtiny · 08/03/2025 16:00

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

OP posts:
ohyesido · 08/03/2025 16:02

I imagine lockdown was particularly difficult for parents of primary school children, they wouldn't have understood the magnitude of what was happening

Ph3 · 08/03/2025 16:02

No it’s not your fault at all. I found lockdown great too. No more childcare bills both my husband and I kept our jobs but worked from home. I had 3 small kids so that part was hard as we were home schooling 2 of them. Hated that part. But overall I loved it. Sure i missed holidays abroad and restaurants. But that doesn’t mean it was your fault that you hated lockdown.

NormasArse · 08/03/2025 16:05

Weirdly, I was thinking about this earlier. I think the weather today reminded me.

I felt guilty about how much I enjoyed lockdown. I easily get overwhelmed, so being forced to take things slower was quite a revelation. I became more creative; the house looked nice, and we ate better. I had just had major surgery, and I took my physio seriously, meaning my recovery was really successful.

BUT… we had our son home from uni; we have gardens, and we are on the edge of countryside. I know that we were extremely fortunate.

Loopytiles · 08/03/2025 16:05

MIL’s comment was bollocks! Hope she’s less dim, self absorbed and nicer than that in general.

Modernskylines · 08/03/2025 16:06

She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

Really? She had actually said this words?

WhatNoRaisins · 08/03/2025 16:06

I think that people's experiences of lockdown were so different that you can't really compare. My mental health went to absolute shit during lockdown. I lost all the day to day things that kept me and my young DC happy and there wasn't anything that I could have done differently.

Comedycook · 08/03/2025 16:07

Yes I hated it....was absolutely awful.

No one should feel bad about struggling with it...it goes entirely against nature to keep people separated in such a way

soupyspoon · 08/03/2025 16:11

It was horrendous, I hate this glibness of people thinking it was all a jolly good laugh and time out from society. Society has now gobne to utter shit

Women giving birth on their own, people dying in hospitals on their own, care home residents being isolated for months on end worsening their conditions, children isolated and illeducated, society becoming more anxious and stressed and isolated, never to recover it seems, services going down the pan, some fucking companies still have a 'we're keeping our staff safe' banner (well 3 did when I last logged in ages ago)

PrivacyScreen · 08/03/2025 16:12

Very very variable. I enjoyed it, except for the worry. But we have a big house, a garden, assured income. Very different in a small flat with money worries. And we didn't get covid

NancyJoan · 08/03/2025 16:14

It was hideous. I’m glad people who were unaffected had an okay time, but for a lot of people, it was a nightmarish time.

gh15jhfa · 08/03/2025 16:15

It was hideous. Had my first baby during this time. Very lonely, anxious and isolating experience. Hard or impossible to access support. The whole thing was a very bleak time in my life that I can hardly bring myself to think about properly. Husband feels the same way.

Having subsequent babies really highlighted in its own way how shit the experience was first time which we can never get back.

I am super glad my eldest won't remember any of it. I certainly won't be telling them about it with rose tinted specs either when they're old enough!

Karmakamelion · 08/03/2025 16:16

I hated it. I'm a community nurse and people were horrible and stressed with us. People need to remember that we are human beings too
I was terrified about family who are CEV and wept when I had my covid immunisation before them.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/03/2025 16:20

I also know someone who spent it living in a flat with scaffolding on the outside cutting off most of the natural light. That seemed to do a real number on them that they don't seem to be recovering from.

Nettleskeins · 08/03/2025 16:22

No, it wasn't THEIR fault.
But it was the fault of the powers that be and the pressure we put on others to follow rules which were for SOME PEOPLE callous and inhuman. Like not letting small children in playgrounds, asking parents to work and homeschool, or expecting single people or old people to live or die without companionship or touch. Manipulating people into extreme positions of self sacrifice where they felt unable to complain or resist.

Exhausted25 · 08/03/2025 16:22

It was a mix for me. The first few weeks were incredibly tough. I was a first time mum and my baby was 4 months old. I had just been finding my feet as a mum, starting to go to some groups and I was addressing my postpartum anxiety. My husband was away with work the night it was announced with no idea when he would be able to get back to us so I alone with a baby. I remember crying for hours. Frightened to go into the supermarket in case the baby caught it but I had no choice. Got tuts and judged for taking my baby in there. The small friendships I had tentatively started building all moved to online. Luckily he was home after a few weeks and while he went out to work, we did have days where he could work from home which did give us some nice days as a family together. But god I was so isolated for those first few weeks. For me it got easier but no I did not enjoy it. Most of my family and friends are medical and none of us would do it again.

MockOranges · 08/03/2025 16:23

I think this is more to do with your MIL being spectacularly self-absorbed than anything to do with people's experiences of lockdown.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 08/03/2025 16:23

I personally needed the lock down. I was so unwell with my mh, and dd was almost one. It saved me as it became okay to stay home

But I fear it's impact on dd. She's autistic so has delayed speech. But in the back of my mind, I blame myself for needing the pandemic as she needed to be socialising 🥺🥺

If we had a lock down now, i wouldn't cope as her needs are too high and unlike me, she needs to be outside

Edit, yanbu

When I say that the pandemic saved me, i always caveat it with, just for me and acknowledge others struggles or losses x

bookworm14 · 08/03/2025 16:24

YANBU. Lockdown destroyed my mental health. It was illegal for my daughter to see a single other child in person for months on end, and my worrying about her triggered clinical anxiety. She also developed mental health symptoms herself and became unhappy, anxious and volatile. I can’t think about that time without feeling sad and panicky. Plenty of people clearly had a great time but that absolutely wasn’t universal.

Ponderingwindow · 08/03/2025 16:26

I do struggle to understand why people found it difficult, aside from trying to multitask wfh and childcare. I still respect that everyone’s situation was different and some people just had bad situations they had to deal with so lockdown was bad for them for whatever reason.

Movinghouseatlast · 08/03/2025 16:26

Of course it wasn't your fault! It must have been awful gor people with small kids, or people without gardens, people who couldn't manage on less money.

I loved it. It gave me the excuse to just be without pressurising myself that I should do x y z. But I live in a big house with a big garden in the countryside near the sea. Not sure how Iwould have felt in a flat.

LovePoppy · 08/03/2025 16:28

I didn’t mind lockdowns, my kids were young and easily entertained, cases were very low where I was as a result of extremely strict rules (likely went on longer than needed).
however, I’m an introverted homebody with a large yard so it was easy to throw the kids out.

We had drive by birthdays and did our best.

i was fortunate. So many others were not. I’d never say because my experience was fine that someone else’s wasn’t hell.

Zippedydodah · 08/03/2025 16:30

I found lockdown very difficult, both of my parents were failing at home, admitted to different hospitals, eventually moved to a nursing home that I couldn’t visit because I wasn’t the ‘named visitor’, my two sisters were.
I eventually saw my father for an hour on the day he died, three months later I was stopped from visiting my dying mother.
I’m profoundly deaf, flask masks were an absolute nightmare because I couldn’t lipread so I became increasingly isolated, something that still continues. I rarely go anywhere except to walk the dog or the hairdresser or occasionally a cafe.
I have become used to it now, that’s my life.

0ohLarLar · 08/03/2025 16:32

I was very fortunate, lock down wasn't awful for us.

I had a 3 year old and an 8 month old and was on maternity. The weather was great and it was lovely having DH at home, we had picnics in the garden at lunch a lot. Where we live people were not paranoid, they would still stop and chat if you bumped into them out on a walk and it was not unusual to agree to conveniently be out on a walk at the same time as a friend. People used to let their children play out in front gardens where they would chat over fences with other kids.

My neighbour was juggling work and a two year old and use to park him on the drive napping in a pram where i could watch him for her while she did calls and things.

My kids were young enough to barely notice.

Jasmine222 · 08/03/2025 16:35

Ponderingwindow · 08/03/2025 16:26

I do struggle to understand why people found it difficult, aside from trying to multitask wfh and childcare. I still respect that everyone’s situation was different and some people just had bad situations they had to deal with so lockdown was bad for them for whatever reason.

Because some of us are extraverts and being alone longterm triggers mental exhaustion, anxiety, depression... I personally continued to see a "bubble" of people who had kids, always the same people, because it was the only way my children and I could remotely stay sane. It was still so hard...

Baital · 08/03/2025 16:36

Everyone's circumstances are different, and we all react to those circumstances differently. That isn't a matter of 'fault' or people being in the wrong for struggling, or not struggling.

You found it difficult for completely valid reasons

Your MIL is being an idiot.