To think some people found lockdown really hard and it wasn't their fault

[elliejjtiny]

I don't normally think about this, it's something horrible that happened but it's over for us for the most part thank goodness (I appreciate there are people who are still struggling a lot).

It's that time of year so some people are saying 5 years ago we were doing xyz for the last time etc. Mil was going on about how great she found lockdown. Not a lot changed for her and FIL as they don't go out much and they are retired. Meanwhile I had 5 dc with SEN, one of whom licks everything and for us life changed dramatically for the worse. I was saying that it was nice that MIL enjoyed lockdown but for us it was extremely hard. She told me it was my fault and it would have been fun for us too if I had been more organised.

IMO for some people lockdown was awful.

I think the weather and time of year is making many reflect as at our post gym class coffee session this am, we were reminiscing about lockdown too.

Everyone was saying how lovely it was, but also saying how they’d never stick to those rules again!

It was fine for me. I live in the country and had company at home. I’ve also never had covid. For those who had to work in the NHS and other services, those who were lonely, Ill or bereaved, it must have been awful, and nothing whatsoever to do with how ‘organised’ they were.

The first lockdown when it was sunny and a novelty was fine, but winter where I had a choice between breaking the rules or losing my mind were shit. I don’t regret breaking the rules but I resent being put in that position.

It really annoys me when people say they enjoyed lockdown. To me it shows massive self absorption.

people were dying, the world had tilted on its axis, measures were costing billions, children had no school, the certainty on which we based our lives were removed. The repercussions have proven to be devastating which were easy to foresee at the time.

for me personally it was horrendous: massive loss of income, worry over DH taking immunosuppressants, my mum losing her sight and having to navigate hospitals in chaos.

I found it awful and my faith in humanity was more or less destroyed. In the couple of years before lockdown, my dad died, my marriage ended, and my cat died and then it was Covid. My exH moved in with his girlfriend and I had to support my widowed mum from afar, as she phoned me in tears most days because she felt so isolated. I had just started seeing someone before Covid and was just starting to feel happy, when lockdown happened; if, after a few weeks, we hadn't decided that if we didn't break the law, one of us (me probably) would have a mental breakdown, I wouldn't have had social or physical contact with anyone for months. The one saving grace was the weather. During the winter lockdown my sister and her family moved in with my mum and they all found it so all-consuming, that they forgot all about me, living on my own. They barely called me or returned my calls for months. If I hadn't been bubbling with my new bloke (thank goodness for him), I would have been on my own for months in the depths of a really shitty winter. I haven't entirely forgiven them.

That's just one small person's small experience. So many people had it so so much worse. It was awful. It's nice for some people that they had a lovely time with their little family - loads of us weren't so lucky.

I think it can a bit of both, I think it was hard as my kids don't live locally so we couldn't see them, DH is disabled so I was late 60s in the house feeling a lot of pressure. At the same times there were bits that I remember as happy times or memorable times, for example I live near the coast in the south west, lots of ships were docked during lockdown sheltering with nowhere to go. As 2020 turned to 2021 they all sounded their horns in turn as a thank you for what local people did to help them. I stood at my front door and listened, it was a still dark night and the sound was haunting, it still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up just thinking about it. Would I go through lockdown again to hear that? No I wouldn't but it is still a memorable and unique experience.

Some weeks I would tell the Sainsbury's delivery man he was the only person I'd talked to face to face for another week, some weeks I talked to the postman as well, that was a real sociable week when I got to talk to both of them.

We'd go down to the beach on nice days, there were lots of nice days the first year, take a picnic. We were always expecting to get arrested but we went to a quiet local beach not a main beach in town so it wasn't a problem except they closed the car park which was a pain.

It sounds like you had a tough time, take no notice of her.

It feels unreal now.

I forgot just as it was all calming down in February 2022 I got covid quite badly. Dr wanted me to go into hospital, I said no thanks my cough was driving me mad the thought of being on a ward listening to everyone else coughing was not for me. I stayed at home with my antibiotics and managed to drag myself into the kitchen to make meals even if they were just microwave meals and DH did what he could. February 2022 was worse than the previous 24 months all rolled up together, I suppose the only positive thing is I didn't die but I did have long covid for months.

I don’t regret breaking the rules but I resent being put in that position.

And yes, absolutely this. The blunt sledgehammer lockdown policy made me into a law breaker. It was ludicrous. I'm the most law abiding person in the world.

@TheWorminLabyrinth Agreed. I actually find it incredibly insensitive how people bang on about their wonderful lockdown

Oh so do I!

I'm an autistic introvert who already worked from home so I loved lockdown. I loved the streets being empty and everyone doing entertainment in the street in the evening. I was part of my local mutual aid group and my work was in the NHS so I was super busy, more than usual. My kids loved being at home and going for our daily walk in the peace of the empty town.

But I understand that for extroverts it was hard, and that for people who were ill, and pregnant women, it was awful. My friends dad died of COVID and we lost a doctor at our hospital too.

But lockdown itself without the hospital/care issues was great for me.

YANBU. Lockdown was easy for me, and if people are talking / asking about lockdown , I will admit that. But you'd have to be an absolute numbskull not to understand that lockdown was awful for many people, through no fault of their own.

See I'm an introvert in that I do recharge from alone time. That doesn't mean that I can do without social contact completely. Lockdown still harmed me.

I think if we knew for sure that within 16 months life would be almost back to normal it would have been easier to cope, a lot of the stress was not knowing if this was for ever, and whether it would get worse.

Yes I'm an introvert too...I actually found lockdown hard because I never had time alone as DH and DC were in the house all the time. I really missed my alone time in the house.

Lockdown killed my mum, not from COVID but the not been able to go out.
She was a social butterfly, everyones friend. Loved talking to different people
shopping and day trips with her sister.
I lived 15 miles away and it was the not being able to visit. Phone calls were not
the same. Then when we were allowed to visit again I still couldn't as I was diagnosed
with cancer and the chemo was brutal.
My older brother was diagnosed at the same time.
Lots fell on our younger brother but she got scared listening to the news, wouldn't hug him when both were crying out for a big cuddle.
By the time I was well enough to visit she had deteriorated with dementia and couldn't recognise me.
Sad end for a lovely lady.

Personally I found it really hard. I live alone, my elderly parents are 200 miles away. My work shut down and went online but became 10 times harder as I worked in student support, and I spent all day online trying to reassure frightened students that things would be ok, but nobody ever reassured me. I'd get up, walk downstairs, start work and do that all day, then log off and sit alone in my house all evening, ready to start again. Every Saturday I'd go to the supermarket and navigate the whole queueing thing, and then stand at the end of my (very vulnerable, heart condition) friend's driveway for an hour chatting to her (and try not to worry about killing her), and go home. I could watch telly, I could phone ny mum, that was about it. It was really shit, and I know I had it easy compared to some.

I cannot imagine how difficult it was with 5 children with special needs. Unable to call in back up, what happened if one or more became ill. The sheer work of keeping them entertained, home schooling etc…
Like your parents I didn’t notice much change bc I’m retired and live alone. But I fail to see how you could have “ enjoyed” lockdown however organised you got. Unless you had a whole raft of live in staff.

I hated every second of it.

Financially I was OK but my job. which had until then been a very important and valued part of my life, changed dramatically and permanently for the worse.

I hated all the competitive 'distancing'. The accusations of 'selfishness' and the 'mask up!' hectoring. Speaking of masks, it was so depressing seeing them everywhere, and the general air of tension and the arbitrary 'restrictions' were horrible. I remember for a while I thought it was going to go on forever, which I guess would have suited some people here. Thankfully it didn't, but some things have been permanently affected as a result of Covid. And not in a good way.

While we're talking about our experiences.... I'm just watching GTA Hamlet.

It's so relatable for me as a gamer.

l

I had a nice time in lockdown because I get on with my partner, didn't have children then, have a garden and local beauty spots to walk in, neither me nor my partner lost our job, and no one we knew was seriously ill or died.

If anyone happens of these factors were different it would have been a lot harder and I definitely don't think less of people who struggled!

Doing it with five children must have been beyond tough. I have two now and the idea of us all being stuck at home makes me feel sweaty. Your MIL is being ridiculous, ignore her.

Hated it. I had my third baby in lockdown, although he was born in June so not long after the restrictions lifted for a little while and he was able to meet family which I needed more than him tbf.
Me and DH were key workers but both furloughed because no-one knew it there was a risk to unborn babies. Choosing childcare was horrible and obviously I couldn't do any settles with him which I hated as he was only 8 months old.
My teenagers hated it too. And DD did much worse in her GCSES than expected which I'm sure was partly down to lockdown. DD2, who's autistic still suffers the after affects although with counselling she's getting better.
I would cope even worse now as DS is autistic with complex needs and he really needs to be outside for at least 2 hours a day and he needs to be around other people as he has very limited social skills (non verbal) which would only get worse if we were locked down again
YANBU, your MIL doesn't sound very nice. I would ask her how you could be more organised when there was absolutely no warning.

I often wonder how I would have coped if I had DD during lockdown. So much of my sanity is saved by spending a few hours a day outdoors or at grandparents. I think I would have struggled during lockdown if I had kids to entertain and work at the same time.

I cried having to drop my 3 primary aged children at school. It was like a disaster movie. Everywhere was silent. I just felt like a terrible mother and that I wasn't protecting them. Everyone else was enjoying some time time at home with their children and I was totally burnt out. Working and juggling the emotions of my children. Awful. The whole thing.

I now have a different job so if we're to happen now I would WFH and it would be a breeze.

I got through it and it made me prioritise finding a better job at least.

I was trying to work and care for a 2yo at the same time. His childminder shut as clinically vulnerable and had been thinking about retiring anyway. The guilt of long days in the house putting my tiny child in front of the TV (sometimes strapped in the buggy if I had a meeting that it would be inappropriate to have a child appear in) still haunts me.

I was lucky to get a nursery place at an outdoor forest nursery for my DC by the time the second lockdown came around and thankfully they didn't close nurseries that time. I was having nightmares and shaking fits from lack of sleep at that point and was on the verge of quitting my job. I still don't feel I've entirely recovered psychologically and my marriage is still damaged because it became apparent that my OH, despite being on the gender equality committee at work and saying all the right things, really did see me as default for everything and his involvement as optional - "I'll do what I can". Still makes me furious every time I think about it 😡.

My dc were at home and I felt awful every day that my dc were stuck at home and not in school....i was desperate for them to be able to go in and madly jealous of those with a keyworker place. My dc were getting more and more socially isolated and it caused me huge anxiety.

Our beloved Mum died alone the first week of lockdown. She was in a nursing home and we hadn't been allowed to see her for 2 weeks. I got an early morning call from A&E saying she was there, and dying but when we asked to come and see her, they said they would get back to me as everyone was so confused by all the rules and protocols surrounding Covid they didn't know what to say. Sadly when they did call back she had already gone.
Then, the amount of red tape to organise a death cert/funeral was a total nightmare.
Eventually we were allowed to hold her funeral with 6 people present - we had over 100 mourners at our Dad's 3 years earlier.
The day after the funeral we had to have our D Dog PTS. It was an incredibly hard time for us.
All that said, (despite being heartbroken ourselves) we did feel for all of those people, especially those with children who had to deal with isolation and home schooling etc. and were grateful it hadn't happened 20 years before.
We were lucky as we were both furloughed so spent 3 therapeutic months in the garden.