Not to go to my mums because of this?

[toottootsy]

I had a baby back in early December and I gained quite a bit of weight.
My mum saw me just after the birth and I was still quite big but she said I would lose that in a couple of months.
I am due to go and visit her in a couple of weeks and she's been out and bought me some new clothes in my pre-pregnancy size as she is expecting that I'll be back to my normal size.

I've tried fasting and lost a stone but I still have a stone to go and not much time until we're due to go.
I know she'll comment and be disappointed so I'm thinking maybe I should just not go and think of an excuse to buy myself some more time.
I know I shouldn't overthink but I do and I have quite a lot of anxiety when I'm with my mum because she's quite judgy.
Dh says I'm being silly but I just can't face her at the moment, she isn't very subtle.
Dh said I should see if people on mumsnet would avoid visiting people until they were back to size so I could see how ridiculous this is but I think I should feel comfortable instead of pressure.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Now look at all your children and imagine a future where they are terrified to come see you because of their body weight.
It should fill you with horror and stop any of this "not wanting to let her down" thoughts that you have.
Don't model acceptance of that to them. Protect them by standing up to your mum.

My son has graduated from university and I’m not back to my pre pregnancy size and probably never will be.

My step dad used to say shit like this about my putting weight on. But I ignored it (still hurt though).

I’m alive and so is my son, it could very easily not be the case due to a horrific birth and pregnancy.

I’m the same size as my mum was at the same age, size 16/18, so I still find it odd that my weight was commented on 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would visit but be fully prepared with something to say if she commented.

This is so sad op. Your Mum should be showing you unconditional love and support.
Go if you want to. I’m not sure I would want to as it sounds like a toxic relationship.

I wouldn’t describe that as doing ‘really well’ I’d describe it as feeling under pressure for fear of judgement.

OP this isn’t a healthy relationship with your mum or some kind of tough love. It sounds as though she’s projecting her own hang ups on to you. Your weight and appearance should be the least interesting thing about you to your mum, especially when you’ve recently given birth!

That's incredibly insensitive and thoughtless of her to buy a post part woman some clothes in her pre pregnancy size

Why couldn't she give you a voucher or money ?

It's 9 months on 9 months off. I weighed the same pre pregnancy as I did 9 months after giving birth. Your mum should not put pressure on you like that. You've done extremely well to lose a stone.

Dh said I should see if people on mumsnet would avoid visiting people until they were back to size so I could see how ridiculous this is but I think I should feel comfortable instead of pressure.

I'm still carryibg some baby weight, he's 23 now..... With that logic, I'd have been home alone a long time!

You have a DM issue, not a weight issue

Do whatever will make you happiest. Don’t go if it is going to make you miserable. Do go if you’ll get more pleasure from seeing her than anxiety about the comments. She’ll get the message if you don’t go. Whatever you do, ask her to return the clothes now and give you the money so that you can buy the clothes you need at the time you want them.
I could not bear my mother buying my clothes. The odd lovely piece if she knows you’ll love it but not a post pregnancy wardrobe. It is so presumptive of her.

Before you go ring her and say something like ‘Thanks for buying me some clothes but I’ve not managed to get all of my pregnancy weight off yet’ but I have lost a stone so it’s coming off.’

Am l alone in thinking that buying you clothes in your pre-pregnancy size is a weird thing to do ? Who would do that ! Does she think it will motivate you , or that you would in any way be excited to have too small clothes ? Feels insensitive at best but mostly controlling . And even mentioning your weight is overstepping . She’s your mum so you can’t avoid seeing her, but just be prepared with some phrases to shut her up if she starts .

Go and say thank you very much for the clothes, they will be an incentive to help me lose weight but it's taking longer this time. It took me a year to get back to my pre-preg weight in both my pregnancies. But I wasn't obsessing about it and neither should you.

I put in 4 stone and I was super for still training at 39 weeks was straight back in gym and ate really well but not dieting it took 9 months to shift. I put on 3.5 stone with second and wasn’t so stressed by it and think it took the same. 3 month old is hard work so just be patient and enjoy your baby xx I no it’s hard but other people just need to shut up xx

Forgot to say it’s more important to keep well than to be starving yourself and you have already lost a stone so that’s fantastic

Wtf, your mum dictates what size you should be? Wtf put her in charge.

Go and if you have to deal with her stupidity once and for all. She sounds awful.

Ask her to take the clothes back as they will be the wrong size. It's best to try clothes on before buying.

Should she start criticising, remind her you've created another human being and that this creative body is how it is at this age and stage of your life.

Stress that your doctor is quite happy with your progress and you're taking your weight loss at your own pace and are quite content not striving to return to a younger version of who you are now, especially not when your focus is on your children.

My kids are 10 and 13 and I haven't lost the baby weight yet!! Please don't beat yourself up about it. And don't starve yourself. Xxx

She is not buying clothes to treat you. She buying clothes to try to force you to lose weight. Presumably you already had clothes before you were pregnant. She must be a special kind of stupid if she doesn’t realise women’s bodies can change shape after kids - even if they get back to the same weight.

I would go and if she starts on about weight, I would first say something like: I don’t want any further comments about my weight. If she makes any after that, get up and leave.

If you let her do it, she’ll carry on. She sounds like a bully - not a caring mum or grandma.

This is not your first baby! Our bodies take a battering daily and then we recreate life! Please be kind to you 🌸 Take your mum and her comments in your stride, they don't define you, you define you and by the sounds of it you are a wonderful daughter, wife, mum and human 🌸

I hear what you are saying. What she is saying to you is extremely unhelpful and making you feel disappointed in yourself. And buying you pre- pregnancy clothes to make you go along with what she wants. Setting you up to fail in the nicest possible way. Your Mum will ignore your request or justify her right to say it to you in private. Take control, pre - empt the situation and make it clear weight is not to be discussed. Your body your right your business ( your priorities ly with care of your little children) not pleasing/ disappointing your Mum. And please stand firm on the issue as she will say it to any grandchildren and destroy their self value/ value in themselves.

Don't not go to visit your Mum. If she mentions anything about your weight shut her down quickly saying 'It's a sore subject, I'm struggling to lose it this time so please don't mention it again' If she doesn't listen keep repeating that you don't want to talk about it & if she carries on you'll leave.

Hey OP 👋…
I’m sorry but that is so mean of your mom !
it really is , Shame on her …
You just had a baby , start of December is just after having a baby , I remember my dad one time , when I was 6 weeks after having one of my lads , saying to me , are you sure there isn’t another one in there !.. It really hurt my feelings & my mom got cross with him , he apologised…
Every woman knows it takes a long time , lot longer than 3 plus months to be fair ..
Your mom is a woman ! ! ..
Also WoW , can’t believe you have lost a stone , stop putting yourself under pressure though x ..
I really would say it to your mom OP , whoever it is that says it to her , that’s it’s not cool to be passing off negative comments, she should be more taken up with her new Grand child so she should ..
Congratulations by the way on your new baby 🎈

I'd try 'Oh, do SHUT UP about my weight, Mum!' Loudly, forcibly, and repeatedly. You could follow it up with, 'Its really none of your business!'