Should I just go back to working full time?

[Dilemma4ever]

background:
I’m a part-time, working mum of 2 kids (a 3 and 6 year old) and I enjoy my career. We’re not dependent on my salary.

Husband is main earner with a full -on job where he starts early and works late 3-4 times a week (is home after kids are asleep) and works some weekends too.

Issue:
I like my career but since I moved to working 3 days a week my performance at work has dipped.

Doing my role as part-time isn’t working out as i’m not hitting the performance standards required - even as I work long days to cram 4/5 days worth of work into my 3 days.

Next steps … here are my options:

1. Ask for demotion to reduce seniority/ responsibility - but carry on working 3 days to maintain my skills and have time with kids - so I can ramp up my career in 9 years when both kids are in secondary school.

2. go full time at my current grade and hire an after school nanny - means I dedicate myself to work and perform well again..(means kids miss out on parent time but do well as they still get good care and attention after school and support with homework/study)

3. stay at my current grade - hire someone in for 3 days so we do a job share (this option might create a diff minefield of issues/ stresses!)

4. other suggestions

Are you being paid part time wage but expected to do same work/ reach same targets you had full time?

if so then that’s the issue, could you do full time hours over 4 days?

If I went back to 4…I’d have to commute in more than once a week and my commute is 1 hr 30 mins each way - partly why I went 3 down to days…

yes part time wage but full time work - and because of my grade the complexity of work given to me will command more ‘full time’ attention rather than part time so it’ll be difficult for management to carve out exactly 3 days of work…

it might not be an immediately available solution but they are open to exploring this

I would do option 2, but then I’ve always worked FT and still have a FT nanny even though both of mine are at school.

if you can afford it I would definitely hang on in there and work FT and hire a nanny.

totally depends on your line of work but I’ve not seen anyone in a front or mid office role really succeed at PT, only back office and even then it’s not always successful.

4 days and ask for flexible working to do the extra day from home. Presumably you'll have that problem anyway if you end up going FT.

I’d work a way to do full time but less office days - the only one winning here is your employer with you doing a full time job on 3 days pay

I’d go full time, but look for another job that’s fully wfh or a shorter commute.

Go back full time! Sounds like you have made plenty of family sacrifices and now it is time to build you up a bit

Could you do 5 days but less hours? I work in a role that can't really be done part time but I start late/finish early some days in order to do school runs.

Yes, I’d love to do this, but I’d need a valid reason to go against the company hybrid working policy.

Also, to note, the salary I’m on is probably the best I can get at this grade so trying to find a new job closer to home would result in c. 25-30% salary cut or worse work/life culture

I’ve recently gone back to FT from 4 days a week as I was missing out on things that impacted my ability to do my job. DD has an afterschool nanny 3 days a week and is in ASC the remaining 2 days which seems to suit her really well. I recently took a half day and picked her up from school, and she complained bitterly all the way home that i was the one to collect her and not the nanny so sometimes you just can’t win whatever you do 🙄

Option 4) could be that I stay at the same grade, continue working 3 days on 3 days pay…do some work on my 2 non working days to maintain my performance (get the work done) and accept that this is how I maintain a job I like, have flexibility for family life, intellectual stimulation …. then look at upping my days to 4 when they’re in secondary school

If you’re doing full time hours but for part time pay, then it would make sense to go back FT, I would think. Make sure your childcare is absolutely water tight though.

I would also be inclined to look for other roles with that commute, but that’s something you can deal with once the other stuff is in place.
Does DH really need to do those hours, or is he taking the piss because you’ve been there to pick up the slack? I only mention it because for the longest time, I felt I couldn’t work certain days because DH was likely to be out later for meetings on those days. Turned out that he didn’t ‘need’ to do that at all, a chance conversation with one of his colleagues about how his family managed those particular days made me realise I was being taken for a mug.
Plan out your week on paper as if you were full time. Put the kids stuff on there. Then get DH to go through with you and just see what makes sense.

Go back FT.

That way he can't make you the default parent either.

Did you want to have children OP? Did your husband? Seems like people are eager to have children but then get surprised that children need their parents. Sure, you can pay someone to take care if them but again, what was the point of having them in the first place?

I'd go back FT, particularly if you're already cramming FT hours in on part-time pay.

This was precisely why I went back to FT, having gone down to 4days when my first DC was born. I ended up logging on during my day-off more and more, people invited me to important meetings and due to their seniority and busy calendars I had to be the one to flex, not them. Overall i ended up being annoyed at missing out on 20% of pay (plus 20% of other benefits we get, such as bonus) when the reality was that I was actually working FT.

I'm less stressed doing FT than I was doing PT, because its literally the same workload but I don't have to try and juggle childcare plus work on that day off like I used to! It has meant I'm actually more available during the evenings as I'm now able to be stricter about logging off on time.

Same in my line of work. No one who is client-facing is PT, and the most successful people in support / back office roles are all FT too.

You may as well go full time, what's the point in trying to do work on non working days? Your performance should be adjusted to the amount of hours you work.

Why is it "when they're in secondary school"? Would you not consider going back to full time when they're both in full time school?

Why on earth isn't your DH parenting his kids? No fjex at all from him? You do know he's meant to do half?

You could BOTH do four days.

Don't let him tell him he can't ask for this, a woman would just ask.

pretty much this