Should I just go back to working full time?

[Dilemma4ever]

background:
I’m a part-time, working mum of 2 kids (a 3 and 6 year old) and I enjoy my career. We’re not dependent on my salary.

Husband is main earner with a full -on job where he starts early and works late 3-4 times a week (is home after kids are asleep) and works some weekends too.

Issue:
I like my career but since I moved to working 3 days a week my performance at work has dipped.

Doing my role as part-time isn’t working out as i’m not hitting the performance standards required - even as I work long days to cram 4/5 days worth of work into my 3 days.

Next steps … here are my options:

1. Ask for demotion to reduce seniority/ responsibility - but carry on working 3 days to maintain my skills and have time with kids - so I can ramp up my career in 9 years when both kids are in secondary school.

2. go full time at my current grade and hire an after school nanny - means I dedicate myself to work and perform well again..(means kids miss out on parent time but do well as they still get good care and attention after school and support with homework/study)

3. stay at my current grade - hire someone in for 3 days so we do a job share (this option might create a diff minefield of issues/ stresses!)

4. other suggestions

I'd stay as is for now until the 3 year old is in primary and then reassess.

Is there anybody you get on with who'd be a good job share?

Also agree that your husband needs to take a fairer share of parenting. Can't he negotiate to work from home a couple of days a week?

If you can afford the extra help and you think you can make it work then I'd just work full time. Your career will move on faster, your pay and pension will thank you. I'm 40 this year and just getting back into things properly now my children are 9 and 12 - it's been a bit of a slog tbh and I wish I'd just kept at it when they were younger.

Check if there are any flexible working options.

i didn’t check for years but recently discovered and have requested annual days. I’m contracted for 4 days but bank extra time off for work on the other day. Effectively work full time then get longer blocks of time off (ie school hols)

Can you go back full-time but negotiate additional holiday? E.g. you earn £52k full-time but give up £2k per annum for an additional ten days holiday? The extra holiday might give you enough flexibility to make it work.

What do you mean flex working… you mean do the 4th day from home?

If you're working full time hours then you should be paid full time. If you want to go full time to do even more hours than full time for work performance then doesn't seem the best idea as well as the commute. Personally I think 35-40 hours are plenty and not sure why I'd work more for any reason, you can do twice the work of anyone else but never be rewarded. Full time is definitely less stress than pt though

I would easily go to 4 days if I didn’t have to commute twice a week… given it’s 3 hrs travel a day …

I don’t know why you’re working FT hours when you know you’re only getting paid for PT. It doesn’t seem very sensible.

I know two very senior execs who work PT but there’s no way they would turn their work phone or laptop on during their days off (unless it was an absolute emergency)

They wouldn’t expect a man to do this so neither should you.

Why on earth would you carry on working a full time job in 3 days for only 3 days pay?!

Different if you compressed and we're still being paid full time hours but your company is taking you for a mug here

100% agree with you

I don't have an answer for you but can totally identify! I've worked 3 days for 7 years in a role that sounds a similar level to yours. It's been absolutely fantastic for our family life but on the work front it's been grim, no progression, get worse projects, keep things ticking over on my days off, basically do 4.5 in 3 but don't get paid.

I recently added a day of flex so can bill an extra day if I work it. It has really made a difference at work, so much in fact. But I'm now struggling at home, miss my littlest one and can't keep on top of everything in one day (DH shares the everything as he also works PT but it's still a lot), much more frazzled on the whole.

I think I'm going back to 3 until my smallest one is in school. It's frustrating though, it should be so much easier to make jobs part time or job share but there isn't much willing out there.

Always one 🙄

Go FT. It's one of many reasons why I never went PT.

You did see that I asked if the dh wanted children as well? So it's not a misogynistic question, it was directed towards parents who both choose to work very much even though children are young. Some parents hardly see their children but let nannies take care of them. I simply wonder what's the point? Spreading your genes like Elon Musk ?

Go 4 days until they are maybe 9 and 7 and then move to 5 days

Yes

You can work FT and still spend plenty of time with your children. Parents are allowed to have and enjoy their careers.

Children don't need childcare forever. People don't have families just to have young children, those children grow older kids, teenagers, adults. It's really silly to say that somebody shouldn't have children just because they want to utilise childcare to keep their careers or other commitments going! It's a long term benefit for the children too.

And I say this as somebody who has put off career development and worked part time or remotely ever since I had my first child, as I wanted to be around for them. Everybody is entitled to weigh up their circumstances and decide what's best for them. It doesn't mean they're not looking after their children 🙄

What’s your reasoning for this suggestion? Interested to know what changes at these ages which may enable a different work pattern…

‘It’s going to be a long term benefit to them too’…this…

If you're already doing the work get paid for it!

@Dilemma4ever I think they are that bit older so able to assert themselves more which always makes me feel more comfortable with leaving them in childcare

There is less hands on care physically from
Parents, as they can dress themselves, shower themselves, keep bedrooms tidy, get bag ready etc etc you aren't doing so much for them on a physical level (but more mentally!) which makes it easier on you overall

Just my thoughts. I suffer from ME so looking after my energy always impacts decision making for me.

1. Your work needs to make your current role doable in 3 days a week if that is your contract. What can you eliminate...what takes time but brings little value..what can be delegated

So you do a full time job really for part time pay