Should I just go back to working full time?

[Dilemma4ever]

background:
I’m a part-time, working mum of 2 kids (a 3 and 6 year old) and I enjoy my career. We’re not dependent on my salary.

Husband is main earner with a full -on job where he starts early and works late 3-4 times a week (is home after kids are asleep) and works some weekends too.

Issue:
I like my career but since I moved to working 3 days a week my performance at work has dipped.

Doing my role as part-time isn’t working out as i’m not hitting the performance standards required - even as I work long days to cram 4/5 days worth of work into my 3 days.

Next steps … here are my options:

1. Ask for demotion to reduce seniority/ responsibility - but carry on working 3 days to maintain my skills and have time with kids - so I can ramp up my career in 9 years when both kids are in secondary school.

2. go full time at my current grade and hire an after school nanny - means I dedicate myself to work and perform well again..(means kids miss out on parent time but do well as they still get good care and attention after school and support with homework/study)

3. stay at my current grade - hire someone in for 3 days so we do a job share (this option might create a diff minefield of issues/ stresses!)

4. other suggestions

What does your husband think out of interest?

OP could you ask them if there is any flex here if you move up to 4 days? I totally get you; I initially went back to work post-maternity leave on 3 days, in quite a senior role, and it wasn’t possible. I loathed working in my evenings / days off to just keep up. I bumped up to 4 days, 1 day in the office and the other 3 at home, with flex hours too (so one of those days I start early but finish at 3) so it means I do get plenty of time with the children. Is there a flexible working policy or option with your employer? Could you at the very least ask if moving to 4 days you could continue to only do 1 of those days in the office to work around childcare?

I plan to go full time again once they’re in highschool. And I really do feel like my career (and salary!) is stagnating a bit but I just really want to keep my finger in the pie so to speak!!

You’re in the thick of it with your kids at those ages possibly the hardest time I had balancing working 4 days with those ages possibly- although I did have lockdown thrown in as well. But work classed me as an underperformed. I couldn’t see how hard it was but now the kids are 9 and 6 it’s so much easier. Youngest starting preschool things eased. Then starting reception was a massive improvement. Everything just became easier at that age as they’re a bit more independent.

so my advise would be to keep an eye on the long game. If it’s best to ride it out and be a low performer for another 12-18 months then do it. If it’s best for your sanity to step back then do it. But honestly you’re so close to a much easier life so don’t take a short term view.

I’d absolutely agree with @Firefly100 that your role and the associated expectations need to be more clearly defined. Are your objectives and deliverables formally based on a full time role?

I’m in a client facing Director level role on 3 days per week and have been for over a decade. In reality of course I do work more than my contracted days but within reason. The only way I’ve been able to do this is by open and honest conversation, and clearly setting expectations (and reminding people!) of what is in my gift to deliver. My team and organisation see me as making a significant contribution, I’m acknowledged as a high performer even as a part timer (but I wouldn’t be if I had to deliver against full time targets!)

Do you have a mentor or colleague you can discuss the current situation with? Can you talk through options with your line manager/leadership team?

Ultimately if you don’t want to go back to full time it’s not right you’re forced into it on the basis of what others expect of you - can redefine those expectations - and if the organisation isn’t willing to support you then is it the one for you? Then maybe that move is worth thinking about?

I really hope you find what works for you xx

Ride it out at your current level and keep your skills up, part time if necessary.

Don't look at a job share - I've rarely experienced working with colleagues in a job shared role that worked well, and as you say, it could create different stresses.
Look at your workload strategically, what could be:

• structured into two separate roles at the same level (i.e. not a job share, you'd each have your own areas of responsibility)
• hived off to someone in a less senior role
• or if you could fulfil the role in three days if you had an assistant.

And and make the business case for one or more of those.

Ridiculous of your employer to assume that you'll do the same job for 60% of the pay and time.
I've often negotiated the part time working option with an assistant which resulted in a cost saving for the organisation and me only retaining the more engaging part of the role. The problem you have now is that the organisation only has 60% of the FT salary, so you'll need to stress that it is not a part time role.

Yes, I’d love to do this, but I’d need a valid reason to go against the company hybrid working policy.
(go more days but more WFH)

Look at ACAS guidelines on flexible working.
Flexible working | Acas
make a statutory request.

My children were 7 and 9 when I
Went back to full time. It's not been easy but they were old enough to need me a bit less.
Work paid me an extra half day to cover someone else but I also did unpaid overtime to make sure I
Was doing enough to keep at the level needed at work -I know this will sound crazy to some but made me happier to know I
Was doing enough at work.

Many mums at my work say they'd never work part time due to less money but it was worth the sacrifices and I
Was lucky my work let me be part time.

If you are being paid for 3 days but being expected to fit in a 4-5 days' worth of work, then of course you will not be able to keep up and it is illegal for the company to be asking you to do this. Full time work content demands full time pay.

Your first step is to go back to the company and insist on 3/5 of the work content, and that they employ someone else to do the other 2/5. Do this before you contemplate any of the other possible options.

Yeah it’s not acceptable for them to expect you to do 5 days work, pay you for 3 and say you are not performing! I would be having a serious chat about workload with my manager.

The other option. If they claim your performance isn’t great despite working extra days for no pay. Stop doing the extra days. Do what you can in the days you are paid for. Doesn’t sound like a company you would want to work long term for. Coast with low stress, see the kids. And start to look for another job at some point.

Also if you stop doing the extra work, they may actually realise your job can’t be done in 3 days and things may change.

Also agree your DH does not get to opt out of parenting all week. He can get his arse home early a few times. No job is that inflexible these days. He’s doing it because he can and it’s good for his career progression- at your expense.

Part time wage for full time work is simply you being mugged off. Its just them under paying you for flexible working hours.

You may as well go full time, what's the point in trying to do work on non working days? Your performance should be adjusted to the amount of hours you work.

This. Don't do this, you've just been giving them your labour for cheap.

your DH does not get to opt out of parenting all week. He can get his arse home early a few times. No job is that inflexible these days. He’s doing it because he can and it’s good for his career progression- at your expense.

This. If he was a single dad he'd have no fucking choice so stop letting him cop out.

Have now read more posts and it sounds a bit like you are trying to have your cake and eat it too, eg trying to have a city/london wage but live somewhere cheaper miles away, keep the senior role but not go into the office more etc

That's a big part of why you are stretched. You can't have everything. I'd strongly recommend getting a job nearer home or moving nearer work

You’re not wrong but it’s frustrating that the man can have his cake and eat it and not have any of these considerations. Especially as OP is practically doing a full time roll as it is.

Could you go back to work full time and your DH steps up until kids are both at school. Also a PT nanny or childminder would collect kids from school and my childminder used to supervise her for kids. She just charged a bit extra for this service but all parents paid it.

It shouldn't necessarily be the woman who has to compromise, of course it shouldn't.

But I am always a bit perplexed at the sheer amount of posters on mn who have kids, but seem to resent the idea that at least one parent kind of needs to be... Around for them??

Yep I do agree with that.

But it almost always is and that's the issue.

Both DH and I continued full time after DC. Guess who hasn't had any comments about it and who has had several comments about it?