To cut off homophobic friends?

[WitheringHeights8]

I experienced homophobia from a close friend, and I stood up for myself.

She told me she doesn't believe in LGBTQ, and that it shouldn't be taught in schools. She was really aggressive in her opinion, and insinuated that teaching children about diversity in relationships was tantamount to abuse.

I've since blocked her after this, but I miss the friendship. It's been extremely hard as we were close. I almost want to reach out and say, ok, you've attacked my identity, but I still want to keep contact.

I feel harsh, but I can't see how this is compatible with my life.

👏🏻

It’s disappointing if a friend is homophobic/anti same sex education. I believe it’s important for children/teens to understand that sexuality is not a choice and as they get older how to practice the adult relationships they have safely. However I’ve known religious friends who do not want their children learning about same sex relationships as it contradicts their faith. Me feeling that is wrong isn’t going to change their belief system though, there are times to pick your battles.

The rest of it though, no. Harmful ideologies don’t belong in schools as fact (and that includes religion).

That being Gay is down to being attracted to someones gender identity, not their biological sex.

I agree 100%.

Not necessarily.
You can't deny that homosexuality and bisexuality exists. It is observable across species.

You can believe that sex is immutable and important and that gender is a series of regressive stereotypes, though, and that is not homophobic because it isn't related to sexual orientation.

Very much depends on what element is not believed in.

My view is that my friends are my friends for various reasons. We might share a hobby, have known each other from school or pre-natal classes, or worked together. They are all different with different views. A couple of them are strongly Christian, one is a Jehovah‘ Witness. One believes conspiracy theories about chem trails, another is an evangelical Christian who believes in the New World Order. Several of them like Trump. The common ground is that we like each other and have enough respect not to trash each others views. We still occasionally discuss the contentious topics in an effort to gain understanding, but to us it’s not worth falling out over.
I would bring up the subject again with your friend. If they intended to be nasty/ critical and still are, then ofcourse the nature of the friendship will change. It may be that that is their viewpoint but they regret the way they spoke to you, because they value your friendship and then you can find some middle-ground or just agree to differ on that one point.

@Verv I think you are being remarkably calm in the face of some pretty unpleasant “queer-splaining” here.
It comes to something when lesbians are accused of homophobia because they don’t identify with people who aren’t gay.
Do we call people of colour racists because they don’t identify as white?

I can only assume the TQ lobby is losing the plot as this kind of trolling is pretty desperate.

In terms of the OP - if I were you I’d have another conversation with your friend to find out what she really thinks, not what you assume she thinks, or the trolls tell you she thinks.

I really like this post.
This is what my friendships are like. Varying belief systems etc but mutual respect.

OP you have been strangely vague. Why not just say what your friend actually said?

Thank you, and great synopsis. You are spot on.
I particularly enjoyed the accusations of falling victim to homophobic tropes and clearly having no experience.
Oy vey.

Perhaps there’s more nuance to her opinion. It depends what she actually said.

Yes, bigotry definitely goes away when it is "contextualised" 🤨

I think that conflation of issues is not only extremely inappropriate, it is also incorrect.

I disagree. Trans people are the latest in a very long line of people being told they are all sorts of wrong and being used as a scapegoat for all the ills. Just as Jewish people were, and gay people were, and disabled people were.

Nobody doubts that Trans people suffer discrimination.

But the foundation of that bias is not that they are same-sex attracted.

It's like hitching pregnancy or disability to the LBG.

I would argue that biological women are actually being the victims scapegoats for all of the ills that trans people presume they face 🤷‍♀️.

But to suggest that trans people face anything close to the persecution of Jewish, disabled or gay people in history is outrageous.

To compare how Jewish people have been treated throughout history to people rightly questioning elements of trans ideology is so enormously reductive, it is actually difficult to believe you are being serious.

As I said, both issues deserve discussion and acknowledgement, it’s conflating the two which doesn’t land well. Because they are not the same.

I'd have blocked her and I'm not even part of the LGBTQ community myself.

I can't be friends with someone with those views!

Agree

As someone of Jewish heritage, who’s great grandparents and family had to flee their homes before they could be rounded up (pre WW2 by the way, Jewish people have be persecuted for generations) I find you post grossly out of proportion and offensive. It’s completely incomparable to those persecuted for ethnic backgrounds, sexuality or those with disabilities. Actually not completely, what the medical community are doing to autistic people under the guise of treating gender dysphoria is something they and the TRAs that supported it will be having to explain in years to come. Tantamount to eugenics.

If that's your view, then why are you asking the transphobic mn about your friend? Strange. Your opinion seems strong on mn being transphobic yet not sure what to do about you'd friend 😉 😂

Whay have I just read? Are you really comparing the plight of trans people to the plight of the Jewish? You have heard of the holocaust right?

It is not only outrageous, but it is also a lie, and one that is eceptionally easy to expose, particularly in the UK, where it is illegal to discriminate against trans people as gender reassignment is a protected characteristic under the EQA.

We are quite literally at a point in time where a woman has been suspended from her job for not wanting to strip out of menstrual blood sodden clothing in front of a man WITHOUT a gender recognition certificate who has been allowed to use female sex protected spaces, because he says so.

Other women (inc L's) and gay men (Dreyfuss, Humphries, Esses et al) have been abused and cancelled for not repeating the trans positive mantras or toeing the line.

Trans people aren't being rounded up and beaten / put into labour camps / gassed.
They arent losing their jobs or accommodation for "being trans"
They aren't forced to wear stars or pink triangles either, heaven forbid.

We've got pronouns routinely added work email signatures "to make trans and non binary people feel safe", for god's sake.

Acceptance of trans people has gone so far that their pronouns are being respected even during criminal cases against them, and women have been criminalised for daring to say that trans identified males don't belong in womens spaces.

The trans community has been so unfathomably pandered to, that it has been falsely inserted into gay history in order to further its cause and keep the pennies rolling in.
Even the pride flag (which included everybody, by-the-way) has been re-designed to centre the TQ.

This isn't "discrimination", it's been nothing but unthinking affirmation for YEARS, at the expense of women and girls.

The fact that there's so much white hot fury coming from the trans community whenever it isn't utterly affirmed without question shows you that it isnt an oppressed or fearful minority.

Imagine the LGB or the Jewish community threatening to rape women who didn't agree with its aims or objectives. We've all seen the receipts.

100% and well said.
The comparison is grotesque.

I visited the Holocaust museum in Berlin at the weekend. Incredibly powerful, moving & shocking in equal measures.

May I suggest a visit could be helpful to gain perspective @WitheringHeights8?

I cannot believe you thought that was a sensible thing to say, how bloody offensive. It is NOTHING like how Jewish people have been treated. Disgusting comment.

💯 there has never been a group more pandered to.than 'trans' and that pathetic term 'non binary' 🙄 totally affirmed and much damage done to children due to that.